RationalWiki:Annotated Qur'an/The Rending

Annotated Qur'an
Sura 84: The Rending
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Qur'an 84:1 When the sky is ruptured.	Qur'an 84:1 Notes Apparently the atmosphere is a physical tangible object which can be broken, by no one other than the great sky-god.

Qur'an 84:2 And hearkens to its Lord, as it must.	Qur'an 84:2 Notes Once the sky is broken, it is actually obligated to send god a "mission accomplished" message. Perhaps by whatsapp?

Qur'an 84:3 And when the earth is leveled out.	Qur'an 84:3 Notes While the atmosphere is being ripped open, the world will be like one giant sandcastle thats been raked and swept and combed over. How anyone could still be alive after this to enjoy the horror fest thats coming, only the sky-god knows.

Qur'an 84:4 And casts out what is in it, and becomes empty.	Qur'an 84:4 Notes Here is our answer. Nothing of the flat earth remains, except maybe all the rubble and corpses? Of course...there must still be a few humans cause why else would the scary horror show to come happen?

Qur'an 84:5 And hearkens to its Lord, as it must.	Qur'an 84:5 Notes The Earth, after becoming a flattened sandcastle has to send a "a-okay" message to the sky-god. Perhaps in morse code?

Qur'an 84:6 O man! You are laboring towards your Lord, and you will meet Him.	Qur'an 84:6 Notes You are part of Allah's labour force and once your life is over...you'll finally have a chance to see if he is real or not. If so, you'll get to meet the great god-in-the-sky. In theory you'll be able to spend a near infinite amount of time with him, which may get a little dull after a while.

Qur'an 84:7 As for him who is given his book in his right hand.	Qur'an 84:7 Notes All you have to do is obey all of the hundreds of rules in the Quran, especially the ones that conflict with one another.

Qur'an 84:8 He will have an easy settlement.	Qur'an 84:8 Notes Heaven will be sweet bro!

Qur'an 84:9 And will return to his family delighted.	Qur'an 84:9 Notes You'll get to see your loved ones. With the earth flattening, your body would have been a pancake so supposedly your body is restored to a nice version? Perhaps when you were 22 and pretty/handsome? The Quran doesn't speak well of dogs so your pet dog might not be there.

Qur'an 84:10 But as for him who is given his book behind his back.	Qur'an 84:10 Notes If you didn't take the entirety of the Quran seriously...

Qur'an 84:11 He will call for death.	Qur'an 84:11 Notes Man are you in for a pretty bad ride.

Qur'an 84:12 And will enter the Blaze.	Qur'an 84:12 Notes The kind loving forgiving merciful God will slightly fire-torture you for a period of around...infinity years.

Qur'an 84:13 He used to be happy among his family.	Qur'an 84:13 Notes At one point he was a decent person.

Qur'an 84:14 He thought he would never return.	Qur'an 84:14 Notes Can you believe someone doubted the veracity of a rambling book that made little sense?

Qur'an 84:15 In fact, his Lord was watching him.	Qur'an 84:15 Notes Well you shouldn't have because God has a top notch spy-agency watching you day and night.

Qur'an 84:16 I swear by the twilight.	Qur'an 84:16 Notes Stars are comparable to your mother's grave. You can swear on both...and that's a meaningful thing. Don't swear by the twilight unless you are willing to bear the consequences the stars will suffer!

Qur'an 84:17 And by the night, and what it covers.	Qur'an 84:17 Notes The night time is a big black blanket that covers the non-round world with tiny holes that allow the moon and the twinkle-stuff peek through.

Qur'an 84:18 And by the moon, as it grows full.	Qur'an 84:18 Notes Quick fact...the moon actually split once and then merged back together, at the hand of the sky God. Though that kind of fast split would actually generate such an unbelievably strong force which would turn the centre into molten goo and forever change the face of the moon, apparently it didn't. Perhaps the sky-god can explain how he did that trick when you meet him in heaven.

Qur'an 84:19 You will mount stage by stage.	Qur'an 84:19 Notes Get ready for the increasingly horrific events in the apocalypse.

Qur'an 84:20 What is the matter with them that they do not believe?	Qur'an 84:20 Notes What the hell is wrong with people who read the mangled disturbing rantings in this book and not dedicate their lives to its content?

Qur'an 84:21 And when the Quran is read to them, they do not bow down?	Qur'an 84:21 Notes For some people, the melodious amazingness of the words of this book should make you grovel to the sky-God. Those who don't are clearly made out of black tar and evil.

Qur'an 84:22 In fact, those who disbelieve are in denial.	Qur'an 84:22 Notes Everyone actually believes the content of this book. If you don't, then you are a poser trying to be a cool contrarian.

Qur'an 84:23 But God knows what they hide inside.	Qur'an 84:23 Notes The sky-Gods super surveillance system records that kernel of belief in your heart.

Qur'an 84:24 So inform them of a painful punishment.	Qur'an 84:24 Notes So there is no escape. The loving merciful caring God will show you for eternity his love and mercy and care by inflicting barbaric cruelty that even the film "Saw" or "Hostel" couldn't compete with.

Qur'an 84:25 Except those who believe and do good deeds; they will have an undiminished reward.

Qur'an 84:25 Notes While some of your friends and family are getting a nice tan in the sky-Gods underground torture chamber, you'll live in a land with the perfect temperature and humidity and you can eat all the food you like and never get fat and you can screw around and never catch an STD and you can even break some rules of the Quran because, you believed this stuff and thus get a pretty sweet return on that.