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I'm an escapee of Young Earth Creationism, the child of a Bob Jones graduate (he's a little bit better now) and a missionary, the child and grandchild of some people who believe EVERY conspiracy theory, and a deeply closeted New Atheist who's up to their neck inside Christian fundamentalism. If you want the inside scoop on King James Onlyism, The Earth Is Only Six Thousand Years Oldism, Gays Are Going To Kill Us Allism, or any other crazyisms from a person who knows them first-hand but is not themselves crazy (but is a little bit gay and hasn't killed anyone yet), I'm your human.

I spent five years living in the sinister shadow of "Liberty" "University", which of course is neither. I'm pretty sure it's actually a female cloning facility. They all look, sound, and act EXACTLY alike. They flood out all the normal people (such as exist in Lynchburg) from cafes to hold tribunals on which male students are The Most Godly and therefore Fit For Holy Matrimony.

My favorite fundamentalist story to share is that my high school theology teacher told me that if his wife was pregnant and the doctor told him the baby was already a goner and they had to do an emergency abortion to save his wife's life, he would say goodbye, sit back, and watch her die. His proof that God is real was that he didn't go to jail after being caught helping his friend hide stolen jackets as a minor. This was the first time he ever prayed, you see, and it worked. He then pulled a Martin Luther and abandoned his total lack of plans for the future to become a missionary. It turned out he was too overweight to be a missionary, so rather than work it off he became a teacher of Creationist Biology instead.

I'm here to add some well-deserved snark to all the stupid things I was told are Absolutely True.


My degree is in Computer Science, which could just as well be called Applied Logic. CompSci deals in the provable, the tractable, and the most important questions of our age, such as optimizing the travel routes of salesmen under the arbitrary restraint that they cannot pass through a previously-visited airport.

I also studied theology and church history at the university level, and have self-educated myself to a decent level in biblical Greek and Hebrew. Unlike most Christians, I've read their entire stupid book cover to cover, not to mention thousands of pages of dreary Church Fathers prattling on. (My favorite, by far, is Origen. Oh, his link is red - remind me to write him up later. He is officially a heretic and therefore cool.)

I also studied astronomy at the university level, under a secular professor (thank Goddess), and had unparalleled opportunities for an undergraduate to play with Real Actual Research Telescopes. Astronomy saved my soul from religion.

For record-keeping purposes: Before I made this account, I added "Intergender Relations" to Bob Jones University and "Children's Ministry" to Focus on the Family, and a few other tiny edits.