CLoM » There are three jokes in this update

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There are three jokes in this update

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One of our readers (I think there are about four of you now) has suggested that my last update, which was mainly based on the letter z, was of poor quality or disappointing in some way. Obviously I cannot stand for this. My vengeance must be swift and inflexible, much like a lead pipe or a dead hummingbird. Clearly I owe Tetronian an explanation, or possibly an air strike. In the end I opted for an explanation, which is probably for the best when you consider that I do not really have any air strikes.

Yesterday I was tired because I spent most of my RW time looking at code and renovating CLoM. I was considering doing an update where I listed and talked about our new features, but then I was contacted by myself, who said 'that's a stupid idea'. However, since it seems appropriate, I will list and talk about them now, just since it's quick and you might not have noticed them.

  • Monthly archives! No longer will all of CLoM appear on one page, like a seriously massive pile of text threatening to suffocate your computer. The lower amounts of text per page will grant you extra free time, which you can use to learn how to cook, if you want to do that.
  • Automatic updating! Now I can post updates just by creating the page. This feature was helpfully troubleshooted by Nx, who is very helpful and a nice person. We have ascertained that I will probably not destroy the wiki by using this feature. You may have taken this for granted, but it looked like it was going to be a close thing for a while.
  • A special template for navigation! Which I really should make look better. At the moment it is just a message box and it looks very not quite right.

However, Tetronian has a point. Mei should stop being tired all the time. I do have ideas about how to generally improve the quality of CLoM. Although probably none of them will completely eradicate the presence of tiredness in Mei.


Recently I have been working on a secret CLoM project which would make the quality of everything around here much higher. As well as this, it would also make updating much easy, and actually requiring less work for better results - if I could actually get this project off the ground. This could take ages, or it could take a couple of days. It depends on factors I do not entirely understand. Basically, if I get it working, it will be good. Possibly great. Watch this space.

But as well as this, I have also been working on more vague and unformed ideas about improving CLoM, and that is what this update is really about.


My first instinct was to revolutionize humor. However, I discovered this would mean work, so instead I will only rotate it by about thirty degrees. If anyone asks, I will say that I rotated it by 390 degrees, which implies a full revolution. In that circumstance it is technically correct to say that I have revolutionized humor, which is good because I definitely intend to say that. Only an extremely picky person would criticize someone who has rotated humor by more than 360 degrees. To criticize someone on those grounds, you would need to be more picky than Mei herself, which would make you pretty damn picky.

I was going to quantify pickiness to argue this point completely, but I got distracted by legislation.


I have compiled some sample jokes for people to sample. This does not relate to my secret CLoM project, just my general desire to improve things. They are based on classic formats for jokes. Basing things on conventional formats is a very successful formula, and I want to try it out. Here goes.


X - Knock knock.
Y - Who's there?
X - Me.
Y - OK. Come inside, it's raining.
X - Thank you.


X - Why did the chicken cross the road?
Y - I don't know. Why did the chicken cross the road?
X - I don't know. It's a chicken.


X - Doctor doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains.
Y - You are in the middle of a severe psychotic episode. I'm afraid I have no choice but to commit you to our psychiatric ward for observation, for a period of at least six weeks.
X - But I have a dissertation due at the end of the month.
Y - I'm sorry. In your current state there is a serious risk you will harm yourself or others. It wouldn't be responsible behavior for us, as health care providers, to allow that to happen. Your college most likely has procedures in place for circumstances like these, and we can vouch for you if necessary. Don't worry about your belongings, they will be safe here until one of your relatives is able to collect them. Your roommate will be notified immediately, and she can bring you anything you need. For now, try not to worry about anything. For the time being you will be in a safe place, and when you feel better you can resume your life as normal. There is really nothing to be afraid of.

There is a reason these are classics.

Obviously these are very rough versions of what I would like to eventually achieve. I am thinking of redrafting Joke 1 to emphasize the fact that it is raining. The rain is a very important concept in this scenario, and it was what attracted me to this joke in the first place. The current version does not sufficiently convey the rain, or the effect that the rain has on X, and as such I don't think it is living up to its potential.

Jokes are always so fiddly. My secret project has much better jokes than this.

--Mei (talk) 02:25, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

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Nice person? Who, me? -- Nx / talk 02:30, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

Don't try to deny it. We have photographic evidence of you petting a cat. Mei (talk) 02:36, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

I retract my previous complaint in lieu of this awesome CLoM post. My favorite line: "Clearly I owe Tetronian an explanation, or possibly an air strike." I have to say, I love Mei's re-invention of humor. Tetronian you're clueless 12:35, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

On a serious note, I really should have rephrased Joke 2. The third line is all wrong. It should be "I don't know either." Maybe adapting this joke to a live routine would help me get it working. Mei (talk) 04:24, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
I also like all numbered jokes. Numbering jokes tickles me. Mei (talk) 04:24, 17 April 2010 (UTC)