Dick Cheney
“”Dick Cheney; some say the most powerful President — I mean Vice President — in US history. A guy so charismatic he could shoot a man in the face with a shotgun — and have that guy apologize to him.
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| —Will Ferrell, You're Welcome America[1] |
Dick "Dead Eye Dick" Cheney is the former dictator Vice President of the United States (2001 - 2009) and a torture/hunting enthusiast. He hails from Caspar, Wyoming. (He previously lived in Texas, but an obscure rule prevents any elector from voting for both a president and a vice president from his own state, thus necessitating the move back to Wyoming.) He is otherwise best known for having heart problems associated with his lack of one (although rumor has it that, if it really does exist, it is small and black).
It is generally acknowledged that while Dubya was in the press more often, Dick Cheney was more politically influential. Cheney claimed that he was not a part of the executive branch, contradicting the Constitution, and then claimed executive privilege to avoid accountability. Part of Dick Cheney's job was in the legislative branch, breaking ties in the Senate, if and when they occurred.
In 1994, Dick Cheney was interviewed and explained quite sensibly why invading Iraq and overthrowing the Hussein government would have been a terrible idea.[2] Since all the arguments he made then still seemed just as valid in 2003, we wonder what changed his mind.
He kept several man-sized safes in his office.[3]
His daughter Liz Cheney hates on Obama, something Dick himself has also done.[4]
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[edit] Cheney and homosexuality
Cheney's daughter Mary is a lesbian who has been "out of the closet" for years; due to her previous job as "gay and lesbian corporate relations manager" for the Coors Brewing Company, she has been described as a "professional lesbian."[5]
In 2004, when Cheney was running for re-election on a platform that featured opposition to same-sex marriage and Mary was part of his campaign staff, his daughter's sexuality was mentioned during both the Presidential and Vice Presidential debates. In response, John Kerry was accused by many right-wing activists of "outing" her,[6] and both Kerry and John Edwards were criticized for mentioning her. Cheney himself described himself as "a pretty angry father" in response.[7]
Cheney criticized the military's policy against hiring and keeping openly gay soldiers during his tenure as Secretary of Defense, calling the policy a "bit of an old chestnut."[8] Even during the aforementioned attempt to put a ban on gay marriage in the U.S. Constitution, Cheney said that he personally opposed the policy but would still push for it as a Republican and as Vice-President.
[edit] Reputation among his friends
It has been reported by some that even Dick Cheney's friends refer to him as "Vader," although the real Dick Cheney is both more frightening and less ethical. He also, quite notably, shot one of his friends in the face with a shotgun during a 2006 hunting trip in south Texas.[9] But who among us hasn't mistaken a grown man for a quail, and then shot him, at some time in their life, eh? The friend apologized for "all that Vice President Cheney and his family have had to go through"[10] because he got in the way of Cheney's shotgun.
One person who probably doesn't count Dick as a friend is Senator Patrick Leahy, who, rather than a face-full of birdshot, received a "go fuck yourself" from Dick on the Senate floor.[11]
[edit] See also
[edit] External links
[edit] Footnotes
- ↑ YouTube
- ↑ YouTube: Dick Cheney on invading Baghdad
- ↑ The Daily Show: You Don't Know Dick
- ↑ Newsmax: Liz Cheney: Obama Will Take 'Gutter' Politics to New Level 14 August 2012
- ↑ Salon: Using Mary Cheney 13 October 2004
- ↑ Media Matters: Despite conservative accusations, Kerry didn't "out" Mary Cheney 15 October 2004
- ↑ Salon: Using Mary Cheney 13 October 2004
- ↑ Palm Center: Possible Defense Secretary Seen As Opponent Of Gay Rights 18 December 2000
- ↑ CNN: Cheney accidentally shoots fellow hunter 13 February 2006
- ↑ CNN: Man shot by Cheney: 'Accidents do and will happen' 20 February 2006
- ↑ HuffPo: Leahy Knocks Cheney: "I Don't Need Any Lectures From Him" 14 March 2009