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|Hail to the Chief?|
|Persons of interest|
|—Thomas Mann and Norman Ornstein|
“”We oppose teaching of Higher order Thinking Skills [because they] have the purpose of challenging the student’s fixed beliefs and undermining parental control.
|—Texas GOP platform|
The Republican Party is a (let's be honest) far-right wing political party in the United States of America.
It is also known as the
"Guns and Oil Party" "God's Own Party" "Grand Old Party" (GOP) although it is, in fact, younger than the Democratic Party and not that grand.
In the 135 years after the Civil War, the Republicans and Democrats actually switched liberal and conservative positions.  Once the party of civil rights and Abraham Lincoln, the Republican party gradually became known as the party of people who can afford seven-figure bribes, the psychotically religious, and experts in framing issues to play to their constituents' prejudices.
There's still no disputing that since the fall of the moderates after Watergate, the boom of the tax protest movement, and the "Reagan Revolution", the GOP has moved to the political right at far greater a pace than the Democrats have moved to the left. A congressman who gets a 92 rating from the American Conservative Union can be kicked out his district for acknowledging AGW or denouncing media pundits (Bob Inglis[wp], for reference). Voteview and its sister sites have the statistics to back this up going back decades. Speaking of statistics, Republicans lie three times more often than Democrats.
After 2000, the Bush-McCain wing of the party ballooned the national debt to its highest level in American history. Their successor, Barack Obama (not a Republican), sought to clean up the mess by spending more money. Despite this, since his election the party has done everything in its power to become known as the 'Party of No.' The old style republicans (small 'r') have become radical leftists without even trying e.g. they're apparently trying to kill all white people because they say racism is bad. Any kind of socially progressive ideas and suddenly you've got your penis stuck in Karl Marx's beard.
Some argue that plenty of mildly progressive or centrist-oriented moderate or liberal Republicans still exist, and are just waiting for a suitable figure to lead them. If so, it is hard to tell them from the faux-rebels running around. Most commentators just assume they're either endangered, extinct or on acid.
 No good deed, etc
Didn't the south used to be Democratic? The "Southern Strategy" is the short-form US History 101 exam answer to this question. Prior to the Civil Rights Act, there were two major blocs of Democrats: 1) Southerners who were Democrats because of family legacy ("That's who my daddy always voted for") and some Republicans associated with the Abolitionist movement, and 2) the Northeastern reformer-types we would understand as the modern Democratic Party. From the forties onward, the Northeastern branch of the party grew dominant, adding a pro-civil rights plank to the party platform and reversing its segregationist nature.
So you suddenly have this big clump of disgruntled southern Democrats who are pissed at their party (whom they've been supporting for mostly abstract reasons), and a GOP eager to snap up those votes by campaigning against the Civil Rights Act. Consider the fact that, at least for the past few election cycles, the right has been the go-to side for homophobic, sexist, and borderline racist comments. Lincoln was a Republican who freed the slaves, though, so it's impossible for Republicans to be bigots. Bringing the southern strategy up in a debate is pointless since they just dismiss it as
darky lies liberal propaganda.
Interestingly, prior (and shortly following) to the CRA, many Democratic Parties in the South, while agreeing on segregation, had politicians who differed greatly on economic issues, with more progressive politicians like Huey Long and archconservatives like John Rarick sharing a party, even within the same state (in this case, Louisiana).  Often, the urban-rural liberal/conservative divide seen today played out even in states where only one party could win statewide and as such, there was broad diversity in primary elections between conservatives and liberals. In Tennessee, for instance, Nashville tended to send more liberal Democrats to Congress such as Estes Kefauver[wp] more receptive to civil rights, while outlying rural areas supported more conservative Democrats (and later, of course, Republicans).
Since 9/11, the parties controlling Congress have gradually pushed the envelope of obstructionism. When one party does it, that sets the precedent for the other party to do it, and they usually go beyond the precedent. So over time, obstructionism in Congress just gets worse and worse. And due to gerrymandered Congressional districts, 90% of Congressmen are more worried about their primaries than their general elections. Obstructionism is rewarded, compromise punished.
Meanwhile, the American people have been told since Reagan's day that the federal government can't fix the problem, the federal government is the problem, so they don't mind that their Congress is deadlocked and obstructionist. What they don't see or understand is how this cedes power to the Executive Branch. More and more decisions are being made by the President or the many unelected bureaucrats working under him/her.
 Civil war?
Republicans pander to the right in the presidential primaries, Democrats have to move to the middle. Why? One theory is that Republicans have too many groups in their tent, and end up spending a lot of time talking out of both sides of their mouths to appease begrudging constituent groups. This leads them to spend political capital on a VP pick just to keep segments of their base from staying home. The problem with these big tent parties in a two-party system is that they are unstable. It's so difficult to bring people together, and often hate for the other side is the glue which binds the different factions into one unit. The truth is that sexists, xenophobes, and conspiracy theorists are the hidden "4th leg" of the GOP stool. They make up as much as 20% of the party. If the GOP cuts off that leg, will the party be able to stand? Nobody really knows.
What we're seeing today started as far back as the Reagan Republicans. They woke up, fought, and then went back to sleep. They rose up again in the nineties under Newt Gingrich and forced Bill Clinton to the center (he started out much farther to the left). Then they went back to sleep. They rose up again in 2008, "because of Obama" as Dems like to say, but as always, it was a backlash not against Democrats but moderate Republicans. They aren't going to sleep this time.
 Go home, Republicans, you're drunk
“”What we’re seeing is the collapse of institutional Republican power... The outside groups don’t always move votes directly but they create an atmosphere of fear among the members. And so many of these members now live in the conservative world of talk radio and Tea Party conventions and Fox News invitations. And so the conservative strategy of the moment, no matter how unrealistic it might be, catches fire.
|—Robert Costa, National Review|
The most logical place to mark the start of this particular "war" is 2009, when the big conservative money started moving to the Tea Party astroturf movement and Obama was doggedly trying to reform health insurance.
But in actuality, conservatives have become more uncompromising and unreasonable mostly because campaign finance laws keep getting weaker over the last several decades. Crazies like Bachmann, Huckabee, Cruz, Cotton, Jindal, Santorum, etc. have been around for a while and their anarchist beliefs have become the norm. (End everything that helps poor people and fuck the troops and the elderly. Not one actual idea.) This is also a result of the the GOP using the culture wars as political fodder: This time, angry Baptist voters aren't just going to 'fall in line' and pull the lever for a milquetoast like Rubio, and the GOP can't logistically win without them.
Under President Obama, Democrats lost 900+ state legislature seats, 12 governors, 69 House seats, and 13 Senate seats.[note 1] The Dems are in dire straights for other reasons, as well: they have a base that is far to the left of their actual leadership, who are in the pocket by Wall Street (as opposed to Republicans who are whores for Big Oil — big difference).
Republicans ought to be euphoric, but are they stuck in a similar rut: a large part of their base is far to the right of their leadership. Unlike the Democrats, the Republicans have lost control of those people. The House/Congress has been a colossal disaster under GOP majority: They managed to get rid of their own Speaker because he wasn't conservative enough and actually made deals with Democrats to force their own incumbents out. Fox News is a hypocritical Frankenstein injecting poison into the minds of their fact-free viewers. This is something that's been brewing for several years.
It's a civil war, between the moderate Republicans trying to keep things together and the far-right wingnuts who refuse to acknowledge anything that goes against their ideology or thought processes. The latter is tearing the entire party—probably the country's image as well—apart. It's that typical form of intransigence coming from disagreements on 1% of policy; inaction coming from the fact that doing the right thing is often not overwhelmingly popular or free, and the all-too-common bias towards their wealthy & powerful benefactors that infects many governments, left, right and center.  And it's all to the detriment of regular folks who are just trying to maintain a career and stable lifestyle.
And thus far, party leaders haven't come up with a viable solution to deal with it: they realize that Tea Party ideology isn't going away and is impeding actual governance, but they also don't know how to attack it without losing their base (and thus future primaries). The circus act that was the selection of the a new House Speaker was a perfect example of this. What will happen going forward into 2016? It seems that the party lines are shifting to globalism vs. nationalism rather than just left vs. right. If businessmen like Mitt jump ship, they could become an equivalent to the Blue Dog Dems. But if the Republicans become a purely-nationalist and populist party (one imagines that they will abandon this after Trump loses, but then, everyone thought the far right died with Goldwater, and that clearly didn't happen)...you better hope that movement dies pretty quick. It'd be really easy after 12 years of Democrat leadership to use a combination of complacency and fear-mongering to win the presidency. And God help us all if a slightly-smarter Trump becomes president.
 Ties to Mammon
Despite their claims of being in the service of God, in recent times the Republican Party has shown a belief in Mammon, the personification or deity of greed in the Bible. Some within the GOP try to mask Jesus as one of them, altering his teachings to serve their political platform. A prime example of this would be one idiot and his "bible." Others are more open with their agendas, such as Sen. Jim Bunning. Even some right-wing ministers encourage deceit. The closest, thus far, of the GOP stating who they really pray to would be Glenn Beck encouraging his viewers to be greedy and leave their church if they talk about helping the poor (which he compared to Nazism). And these people believe they deserve a place in heaven.
“”I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country; corporations have been enthroned, an era of corruption in High Places will follow, and the Money Power of the Country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the People, until the wealth is aggregated in a few hands, and the Republic is destroyed. I feel at this moment more anxiety for the safety of my country than ever before, even in the midst of war.
- 1854 - The party is founded. Times are very different from today, and people look to the Republican Party for positive policies concerning slavery and trade as opposed to the Democratic Party, which, at the time, favored the interests of planter-slaveholders and the South.[note 2]
- 1860 - Abraham Lincoln, possibly the greatest president ever, is elected. He is remarkably bipartisan and agreeable, acting on what he feels is best for America rather than what is best for his party. He still managed to be the most divisive President in the history of the country as his election was the single event that led to the Civil War after it had been brewing for years if not decades. Unfortunately he was not bipartisan enough to escape the ire of a certain Confederate sympathizer, who assassinated him on April 14, 1865.
- 1868 - Ulysses Grant gets elected, and is arguably the first person to take the party in a clear fiscally conservative direction, having policies tough on inflation, and focusing government resources to aid industry. Grant was much maligned later for being tough on the KKK and more enlightened on Civil Rights than many later Presidents and thus the corruption during his administration gets played up for all it's worth.
- 1870s - The Half-Breeds[wp], the RINOs of their day, opposed the mainline Stalwarts over Civil Service Reform and ending the patronage system. When President James Garfield[wp] was assassinated in 1881 by a disgruntled election worker who felt Garfield owed him a job, the Civil Service Reform Act[wp] was passed, ending the spoils system and political cronyism. Its implementation was the beginning of the Progressive Era, the Half-Breeds became the Progressive movement, which eventually became the Progressive party.
- 1896 - William McKinley battles his famous campaign with William Jennings Bryan, clearly setting in the party positions of the pro-populist Democrats and pro-business Republicans for the next century. McKinley backs a strong gold standard, which was cited by his opponents as favoring debt-holders and banks. McKinley is backed (and arguably elected because of) powerful interests such as Standard Oil and JP Morgan. His foreign policy also pursues a course of imperialism that included the annexation of Hawaii and naval war with Spain. While opposed by the Democrats at the time, this policy is eventually followed by both parties post-WWI.
- 1901 - Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt becomes president following the assassination of McKinley. He goes on to do many things that would be anathema to modern Republicans, including fighting big business and protecting the environment, and if he had his way in the next decade America would have had universal health care a century ago.
- 1912 - The Republicans are split between the conservative William H. Taft and the progressive Roosevelt. When the convention moves for Taft, TR leads an exodus,[wp] fracturing the Republican electorate. Roosevelt comes in second and the Democrats take the White House.
- 1920-1929 - pro-business Republicans retake the presidency and spend 9 years getting involved in scandals and presiding over a massive Laissez-faire economic boom, which eventually fell over onto itself and led into...
- 1929 - The Great Depression starts. The Republican Party applies the "just watch the country go down the crapper" strategy. Contrary to what most people think, Herbert Hoover moves immediately into action, attempting a bailout and donating large amounts of his own funds to charity to keep people out of poverty. However, he explicitly tried to keep the government out of it, while the private charities he tried to bolster failed to help people.
- 1933 - Republicans coalesce against Franklin Delano Roosevelt (a Democrat), another candidate for greatest president ever. Roosevelt greatly helps relieve unemployment during the Depression, and has the luck of being in office when the U.S. is drawn into, and helps win, World War II. He brought many years of prosperity to America, along with hitherto unmatched levels of national debt.
- 1961 - Dwight D. Eisenhower finishes his two-term presidency. While infamous for introducing the "Under God" part of the Pledge of Allegiance, as well as creating the "In God We Trust" motto, he was incredibly pragmatic, creating NASA, expanding Social Security, starting the desegregation process, and warning against a "military-industrial complex." Also the last Republican president to balance the federal budget.
- 1948-1968 - The segregationist Southern Democrats are abandoned by their increasingly tolerant party and gradually move to the increasingly conservative Republican Party. In 1964, the Deep South is the only region captured by Republican Barry Goldwater (aside from his home state). By the end of the decade, the once-solidly Democratic South has turned red (although Southerners Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton temporarily reverse the trend).
- 1969-1974 - Richard "Tricky Dick" Nixon is elected on a promise that he has a secret plan to end the Vietnam War. The plan is so secret, another 20,000 GIs die before Nixon runs for re-election on a promise to really, really end the war for sure this time. By that time, his "plumbers" have been arrested for trying to wire the DNC offices in the Watergate complex, resulting in a cover-up so disgusting, and abuses of power so scary, the country actually elects Carter in 1976.
- 1973 - Roe v. Wade ruling coupled with 1962 school prayer ruling and opposition to feminism and civil rights leads to a wave of defections from traditional Southern Democrats and the birth of the modern social conservative movement and religious right.
- 1981-1989 - Ronald Reagan gets into office. At this point the Republicans change from a center-right party to neoconservatism with the introduction of trickle down economics. Gets credit for delayed effects of the Soviet economy, delayed effects of previous presidents, and for being rude to other world leaders. Illegally sells weapons to Iran, which are used several years later by present-day extremists. Spends 1/4 of all military defence money allotted during the Cold War (in part by literally trying to build a space laser), and starts the 30-year trend of borrowing like a sailor without any regard for the consequences. Becomes principal deity to a new, cultish religion. Stops the horrible problem of 20-year-old adults drinking by signing the National Minimum Drinking Age Act of 1986, and vetoes a 1987 highway bill because it included 121 earmarks and was $10 billion over the line he had drawn in the sand.
- 1994 - The Republican Party takes control of Congress as a result of complacency and corruption in the Democratic Party. Begins a fourteen-year era where the Republicans really screw things up and destroy any chance of power for dozens of years after a Democratic president and a new Democratic majority is elected in 2008. (It took the Democratic Party 61 years to become fat and lazy, and it only took the Republicans 14.)
- 2000 - The Republican Party elects a monkey, chiefly due to Al "Doom and Gloom" Gore stealing votes that should rightfully have gone to Buchanan and Nader, and voter suppression in Florida. Republicans give way to big gub'ment ideas like defense spending, border control, and the exacerbation of the War on Drugs. Fiscal conservatism is put on the backburner. It's almost as if they actually want a big government, and all their bile about "small government" is actually just a ruse to defund all the programs they don't like...weird.
- 2005 - Bush signs a $286.4 billion dollar highway bill passed by a GOP-controlled Congress, earmarking $24 billion for 6,376 pet projects. What line? What sand?
- 2007 - Bush presses for passage of John McCain's bill granting a path to citizenship for 20 million illegal immigrants. Only a grassroots effort by wingnuts (who demand the border be locked down) dials back the GOP drive for amnesty.
- 2008 - As his presidency was winding down, Dubya issued a series of executive orders with nasty environmental consequences.
- 2009 - Obama becomes president and the next 8 years become an endless slog of fear mongering and "whatever Obama wants we don't!"
- 2010 - The Republicans begin their massive campaign of smears, fear-mongering and misinformation against the Democrats. The Teabaggers are spawned. The Republicans become the "Party of No" as they try everything they can to block important or useful legislation proposed by the
Democrats socialists commies cultural Marxists sexual Bolsheviksleebrals. Unenthusiastic liberals stay home as angry conservatives turn out to elect enough scary people to Congress to take control of the House.
- 2011 - Control of the House achieved, congressional Republicans relax and enjoy being able to prevent Obama from making any progress, simply by not passing anything for him to sign. Nation largely shrugs as attention is drawn to the trainwreck that is the 2012 presidential campaign.
- 2012 - Mitt Romney becomes the Republican Party's nominee for President of the United States in the 2012 election. He loses the election to the incumbent, Barack Obama, with (in full irony) 47% of the vote.
- 2013 - In spite of humiliating losses in the 2012 elections (they only won the House of Representatives because the boundaries were rigged in their favor), the Republican Party is continuing to stake out far-right stances on the deficit, as well as social issues like abortion and gun control. No major attempt is being made to reconcile with Hispanics or African-Americans after the 2012 debacle (with many establishment conservatives fearing they're going to get "primaried"), and it is increasingly doubtful if they can retake the presidency in 2016. Gun nuts, ancaps, and alt-righters have begun to take over the party and Republicans don't even realize it yet.
- 2015 - Now in control of Congress, the Republicans help make America's chief legislative body into the single most anti-science institution in American history.  This includes having Ted Cruz oversee NASA and James Inhofe, the War on Science chief, as chairman of the United States Senate Committee on Environment and Public Works. (Richard Nixon would be sickened right about now.) The Tea Party purges the last remaining "moderates", House Speaker included. Some conservative talking heads like Levin are now decrying Fox as a liberal bastion, and Rance Priebus a secret liberal. This is one of the guys Cruz wants to moderate the GOP debates. Shit is bananas.
- 2016 - The party abandons all pretenses of being "small-government conservatives" and give in completely to authoritarianism, social Darwinism, and palingenetic ultranationalism[wp]. Even by Republican standards, the crop of Presidential candidates doesn't have any substance to it at all. Their platform is Fuck The Dems because that's all the base wants to hear. As in 2012, the debates never yield a thought-out position; just "I'll have the opposite of what he's having." Inexperienced young dude leaving? We need the most establishment family dynasty ever! Super-established former Secretary of State running? We need some new blood, someone from outside the beltway who doesn't play by the rules! The fact that a troll candidate is at the top of the polls for months on end says it all about this murderers' row.
 A very long list of Republicans
“”The Republican Party is fundamentally crooked and might well be outlawed one of these days. Le Pen, you know, in France, who is an out-and-out fascist, the French have managed in some clever way to contain him... I don't know how they do it, but we've got to do that with the Republican base, the religious right. We don't want them running the country. Nobody does. Certainly not the founding fathers. And I think we have to ride herd on them and make sure they do not seize the state.
- Greg Abbott: Current Governor of Texas. Deployed the Texas State Guard to Jade Helm to prevent the FEMA camps... or invasion... or somethin'
- Jack Abramoff: Busted felon.
- George Allen (U.S. politician)[wp]: He had a noose hanging in his office from 1998-2000. At first calling it "more of a lasso", in 2006 he came clean, calling it a "little noose." We all know about the Maccaca story.
- Dick Armey (fascinating name): Former #2 Republican in the House, now leader of the Astroturf group FreedomWorks, which organizes the Tea Party.
- Roger Ailes: Former Nixon strategist, former President of Fair and Balanced Fox News. Remarked to fellow executives that "the GOP couldn’t organize a one-car funeral."
- Todd Akin: Legitimate rape doesn't cause pregnancies!
- Sharron Angle: Tea Party candidate against Harry Reid who endorsed what she called "Second Amendment remedies."
- Joe Arpaio: Media-whoring backwoods Sheriff. So slimey, you want to pour salt on him just to see what happens.
- John Ashcroft: Ultra-religious former Attorney General who covered a naked breast at the Justice Department, prosecuted Martha Stewart, sings, and harnessed the PATRIOT Act.
- Michele Bachmann: Batshit insane Representative from Minnesota and a 2012 presidential candidate.
- Joe Barton: He's a man on emission. (Gas is a finite resource? Yeah, well,
SO'S YOUR MOMwe're running out of wind, too!)
- Glenn Beck: Hammy, weeping media personality who carries on the Religious Right's tradition of holding some revival rally that's supposed to be so important every year.
- John Boehner: Speaker of the House from January 2011 to October 2015. Cries openly more than any other politician in memory (except Glenn Beck).
- James Bopp: Seeks a "pure" GOP. Also likes to call people names.
- Jan Brewer: Fractal wrongness overload... ERROR: COMPASSION.EXE IS CORRUPT. INITIATE DESTROY_HUMANS.EXE
- Ted Bundy: Misogynist serial killer who spent his last days before the chair with James Dobson groaning on about how porn ruined his life.
- George W. Bush: The 43rd President. Spending the rest of his days hoping he won't place 43rd on another list. Seems like he realized that the planet hated him, because he's pretty much been a recluse since then. But any past, present, or future world leader knows that picking up a paint brush is an invitation for comparisons to Hitler.
- Jeb Bush: Spent 27 years preparing for a Presidential run...until Trump's fart-breathing antics threw shit into the cake batter. Please clap.
- Ben Carson: Makes audible grinding noises when asked difficult questions. Why can't blacks realize that true oppression is being forced to look at gays?
- Dick Cheney: Enjoys "blowing up
Alderaansmall countries." Maybe if he had some of the petroleum in his veins replaced with actual blood his ticker would behave itself.
- Liz Cheney: Sith apprentice. Astonishingly manages to be more evil than her father, pushing anti-gay legislation in spite of her own sister being a lesbian.
- Larry Craig: Of "wide stance" fame.
- Chris Christie: Governor of New Jersey who had shown the ability to set partisan politics aside at least some of the time, but in 2014 had a series of scandals blow up in his face.
- Ted Cruz: Almost destroyed the world economy for personal glory. His face looks like a Mrs. Doubtfire mask painted to look like another man's.
- Ann Coulter: A far-right political commentator who can often be seen on Fox News. Wants to invade Canada.
- Mitch Daniels: Former Indiana Governor responsible for the privatization of the state's highways, Right-to-work law, and voter ID laws.
- Jim DeMint: Demented would be more like it, am I right? Wants schools to be able to fire gay and "promiscuous" female teachers.
- Tom DeLay: Hehe, I'll kill them, just show me where they are!
- Lou Dobbs: Former CNN anchor who is anti-immigration.
- Bob Dole[wp]: Wasn't it Bob Dole who went to the Senate to oversee the ratification of the Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities? And they voted it down, with many Republican Senators fearing it would impact American sovereignty. Madness. And now he's a Trump supporter.
- Carly Fiorina[wp]: Star of CSI: Cyber. Tells California farmers that the government is "stealing their water!" due to scarcity, then turns around and talks about Democrat intrusion on the free market. Blames pot for her daughter's death...from alcohol and opiates. Managed to increase her own salary after laying off 30,000 people. Only in America can destroying a business make you qualified to run things.
- Virginia Foxx: She said Matthew Shepard was killed in a robbery, not because he was gay. She hasn't said why he was tortured and crucified.
- Pamela Geller: Islamaphobe-in-Chief.
- Newt Gingrich: Former Speaker of the House and primary culture warrior who's been married three times and has a history with
getting his wife sickphilandering that makes Bill Clinton look like a choir boy in comparison.
- Rudy Giuliani: A noun, a verb, and 9/11.
- Louis Gohmert: Mental infant.
- Alberto Gonzales: You thought Ashcroft was bad? This guy ensured, by any means he knew how, that the United States would use torture. Fired attorneys at the Justice Department for not prosecuting Democrats enough or being loyal enough to Bush's agenda.
- Lindsey Graham[wp]: A longtime Republican who is dismayed at the vitriol he sees from the right wing of his party. Perhaps he thinks that his party can win the presidency
based on the substance of their plan and not rely on a bombastic reality TV pitchTime for some internet justice! Is Trump unstumpable?! Applaud his bravery!
- Phil Gramm: Domestic terrorist in a banker's suit.
- Sean Hannity: Used to be friends with this guy.
- Jesse Helms: The "Senator from South Africa."
- Mike Huckabee: Wait, Tricky Dick's back from the dead?
- Jon Huntsman: As corrupt as they come. While he was barking at China to put sanctions on Iran, he was selling Iran parts for missiles under the table. He lost his "nice guy in the middle" reputation the moment he backed Trump. And unlike Ryan or Graham, Huntsman endorsed Trump early, as in well before Cruz dropped out. He's the definition of the "play both sides"-type, and Trump has been a useful hand grenade for Huntsman.
- James Inhofe: Al Gore's sworn enemy and head of the climate change denial brigade.
- Piyush "Bobby" Jindal: Pro-eugenics Governor of Louisiana.
- John Kasich: Took a swing at public unions, and whiffed it. Because Kasich is basically a dinosaur, everyone mistakes him for a friendly triceratops instead of the raptor he actually is.
- Alan Keyes: Responsible for the crazification factor.
- Peter King: Sultan of second-generation, middlebrow racism. Yin to Geller's Yang.
- The Koch brothers: If you don't know, you haven't been paying attention.
- Mark Levin: Falsetto-voiced radio host.
- Joe Lieberman: A Republican by any other name, no matter what he may call himself.
- Rush Limbaugh: Use birth control? You're a slut! (But can I see pictures?) And you shouldn't have the right to vote!
- Abraham Lincoln: Though he became a member of the National Union Party before his death. He would be anathema to today's party and, in fact, is reviled in neo-Confederate and libertarian circles even today. The Theme Park Lincoln so adored by Republicans didn't really exist; he's a handy totem for muddying the Democrats and making themselves feel good.
- Michelle Malkin: The token Coulter. Except with even less integrity.
- John McCain: Jowly wanna-be president. McCain was their last decent candidate, but then he went full Palin. (Never go full Palin.) His reaction to the financial crisis is what sealed his fate. He first said that the fundamentals of the economy were strong. And then decided to "suspended his campaign" to come to Washington and help resolve the crisis. By all accounts, while he was in the room he did virtually nothing to contribute. Once he crawled back to Trump after being publicly humiliated, McCain stood no chance of being a leader.
- Mitch McConnell: The leader of the Senate Republicans. Reminds one of a turtle. Sees to it that defeating the President is the GOP's top priority.
- Marilyn Musgrave: Nutty Representative from Colorado. A hateful homophobe who ran bullshit negative ad after negative ad. She never actually conceded her defeat. Bye, Felicia.
- Ted Nugent: God, guns, and "EXTREME MODERATION!"
- Christine O'Donnell: Tea Party
witchcandidate who opposed masturbation.
- Bill O'Reilly: Alleged "Independent."
- Carl Paladino: Teabagger-supported, unstable, bestiality porn addict.
- Sarah Palin: Was scarily close to being an old guy's heartbeat away from the presidency.
- Rand Paul: Ron Paul 2.0 has lifelike hair, but can overheat sometimes. (You're not going to like where you have to insert the heat sink that fixes the issue.) When Michelle Bachman's book outsells yours maybe it's time to throw in the towel.
- Ron Paul: The Pauls are like a rocket ship fueled with hate. The rocket can crash, but you can always fill the next one with just as much hate. Maybe even more. (Right now it's time for Trump to get his turn on the launchpad.)[note 3] Was photographed with this guy in 2007.
- Mike Pence: Indiana's current Governor. In 2016, Trump selected him as the party's "Vice" Presidential nominee. Cheney 2.0? The difference being, when you think Pence, you don't think of KBR and $600 toilet seats. You think of
Retired Buzz Lightyearthe Religious Freedom Restoration Act, which Pence was responsible for.
- Rick Perry: Best 2 out of 3? — Rick's attitude toward the Civil War. Mass-murderer.
- Joe the Plumber: Not really named Joe and not really a plumber, but asked Barack Obama some question at one of his events.
- Colin Powell[wp] - Colin Powell could have been President. His Eisenhower-like demeanor would've had a drastic healing effect on the nation in the post-Reagan era (which was the primary cause of partisanship we experience today). Like Gore, Powell represents another great 'if" in American politics. Unfortunately, he appears to be a company man who gets misused by the establishment. The report he wrote on the My Lai massacre echoes his report before the U.N.
- Reince Priebus: Current chairman of the RNC.
- His Most Grand High Exaltedness, Slayer of the Dragon of Communism, and Defender of the Faith: Saint Ronald Wilson Reagan. He was an open-carry hero who lowered taxes, right? He also freed the slaves, right before he deported those jobless heathens.
- Mitt Romney: Former Governor of Massachusetts, ran for the Republican nomination in '08 along with another dozen or so rich old white men. His Mormonism was a little too much for the American people. Or was it just that perfect hair? In fairness to him, he really was the last hope the Republicans had to put a moderate in office, and they blew that chance in '12. They should have waited until 2016; they knew it's super-difficult to knock out an incumbent (and Obama was a popular one) but went ahead anyway. Now, all that poverty, poor education, and joblessness is at their front door. Voters see the economic realities and the alt-right offers an alternative.
- Karl Rove: Criminal who has avoided summons to appear before Congress.
- Marco Rubio[wp]: Rubio is the embodiment of the GOP's failure to understand the electorate. The GOP think that Obama got elected because he's a minority and a young face. They think Rubio can do the same. (Mexicans, Central Americans, Cubans....they're all the same, amirite?) More to the point, the GOP doesn't understand that they can put as many dark faces on the stage as they want, but when the camera pans to the crowd it will be 90% white. The only change that Rubio has genuinely offered was weaning the Republicans off of vicious anti-immigrant sentiment, and he's already running the opposite direction (a la Romney with Romneycare).
- Donald Rumsfeld: Defense Secretary under W. Talks down to us about "known knowns" and whatnot. Knew about Abu Ghraib and tried to spin Pat Tillman[wp]'s death as heroic. Generals on the field demanded his resignation. A "known" idiot.
- Jack Ryan (politician)[wp]:
Tom Clancy super-spyMarried that Borg chick from Star Trek. Hired a real-life spy to follow his opponent, Illinois State Senator Obama, around with a video camera in hopes of catching him in some misdeed. This plan backfired when Ryan was found to frequent bondage clubs.
- Paul Ryan: Randroid, current Speaker of the House and Matthew Morrison double.
- Mark Sanford: hiking the Appalachian trail... in Argentina.
- Rick Santorum: Fundamentalist former Pennsylvania Senator and 2012 candidate.
- Michael Savage aka. Michael Weiner: Bigoted lunatic.
- Antonin "Nino" Scalia: You have the right to bear rocket launchers!
- Phyllis Schlafly: Chauvinist pigress. Older than dirt: she led the opposition to the Equal Rights Amendment. Gave birth to Andy through immaculate conception. Popped her clogs in 2016 - only after endorsing Trump. To her credit though: at least she was open about her anti-feminism, and didn't disguise it as "equity feminism" cough C.H. Sommers cough.
- Rick Scott: Cut off access to voting with vapid, Banana Republic-style tactics.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger: Hasta la vista, Governator!
- Michael Steele: Former president of the Republican National Convention. Upset a lot of old white people by suggesting the party should focus on younger, non-white people. Has also made a large number of brain-dead gaffes and brought the RNC to visit a bondage club.
- Rick Snyder[wp]: Spent his entire governorship implementing all the trademark pieces of the Koch Brothers’ plan for America: an "Americans For Prosperity"-spearheaded union-killing right-to-work law (even though he promised he wouldn’t), the appointment of rule-by-decree ”emergency managers” for major cities, slashing corporate taxes and instituting a budget-crippling flat tax, crippling public schools with budget cuts and replacing them with charter schools, etc etc.
- Robert "Sideshow Bob" Terwilliger: Convicted felon, former mayor of Springfield.
- Clarence Thomas: Supreme Court Justice. Makes Scalia look moderate.
- Thom Tillis[wp]: A huge hypocrite. He sings about the free market (Don’t require restaurant workers to wash their hands − the market will take care of that!) but he received sizable donations from three major car dealers in NC; as soon as he got into office he shut down small independent dealerships for minor infractions.
- Donald Trump: The tri-state area's worst ambassador, carrying the torch for every dated New Yorker stereotype you've ever loathed. That's enough to charm the mystics and morons who have entirely too much influence in the GOP. Let's face it: If they had anyone worth a shit in the first place, they would have been in the White House the last 4 years.
- Allen West: "...I believe there's about 78 to 81 members of the Democrat Party who are members of the Communist Party. It's called the Congressional Progressive Caucus."
- Joe Wilson: "YOU LIE!"
 Former GOP Members
- The late former Senator Arlen Specter: Switched parties in 2010 out of fear of losing the Republican primary, then lost the Democratic primary.
- Charles Barkley: Because as a child his grandmother had told him they weren't rich enough to be Republicans, he thought he had to be a Republican after making millions from basketball. He has since learned that the Republicans suck in general, and is thinking of running for office in his native Alabama as a Democrat or Independent.
- Bruce Bartlett: Supply-side inventor, author of the book Imposter. It (rightly) made the case that W. was about as useful to conservatism as the British were to Hitler: a total spanner in the works, taking Republicans in a direction they were already flirting with and sinking them. He still stands by his policy decisions during the Reagan administration—but is savvy enough to know that different times call for different policies. The fact that he's an outcast is proof of how dogmatic the GOP has become. (The Bush administration was in lockstep and too well-organized; people who had the gall to say Expanding Medicare, starting two wars, and cutting taxes is not fiscally conservative were blacklisted from think tanks forever.) Bruce had a brain tumor in 2014, and that changed his views on healthcare.
- Charlie Christ: Former Governor of Florida, converted to Independent in 2010 and narrowly lost a non-consecutive term in 2014 as a Democrat.
- Former Secretary of State Colin Powell: Still claims to be a Republican as well, but was excommunicated by Dick Cheney and others for supporting Obama and opposing both the Iraq War and Don't Ask Don't Tell.
- Gary Johnson: Former two-term Governor of New Mexico, ignored by the Republicans during his attempt at receiving the 2012 Republican nomination for President due to his libertarian social views and use of polysyllabic words when speaking publicly. Was the candidate for, shock, the Libertarian Party.
- The late former Senator Jim Jeffords: Switched to Independent in 2001, likely the earliest national figure to jump the ship.
- Former Senator Lincoln Chafee: elected Governor of Rhode Island as an independent, joined the Democratic Party in 2013, who voted against the tax cuts and Iraq War resolution. Even as a Republican, he was a liberal on social matters, supported federal funding for embryonic stem cell research, opposed the austerity of the GOP and neo-liberalism of the DNC, voted against the death penalty, calls for a two-state solution between Israel and Palestine with Israeli withdrawal from all occupied territories as a condition, voted for the restoration of Clinton-era tax raises on the rich, voted against arctic drilling, and voted against torture. He toed the party line on free trade, the Patriot Act, and partial privatization of Social Security, but he remained to the left of even the Democrats.
- Secretary of Defense Robert Gates: He hasn't renounced his party allegiance, but being the Secretary of Defense under Obama and pushing for an end to DADT was not without an earful. He was, however, one of the main - if not the primary - perpetrators of the utter failure of the intelligence community regarding the Soviet Union's collapse. More particularly, Gates has been criticized for allegedly concocting evidence to show that the Soviet Union was stronger than it actually was. He was a key player in the Iran-Contra Affair, due to being connected with many of its leading proprietors (thus fully knowing its activities), and advocating for "any and all" options against Sandinista short of an invasion. Gates directed the "troop surge" in Iraq as well, so it's not like he's a saint either.
- Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel: He was one of the few Republicans who took pause at the Iraq War and the corroding influence of the Israeli lobby in Capitol Hill, although that didn't stop him from toeing the party line. As the Defense Secretary under Obama, he opposed escalating the conflicts in Syria and Ukraine, and refused to send soldiers or arm more rebels like the Obama administration wanted; Obama forced him out of his job as a result. Has not renounced his party allegiance, but definitively proved that he was to the left of the Democrats on foreign policy, which was not without an earful.
And all you "Obama Republicans"[wp] out there, which the party has done nothing to win back.
 See also
- Club for Growth, not to be confused with the Hair Club for Men.
- K Street project
- Log Cabin Republicans, a weird subgroup of Republicans who seem to believe the exact opposite of the Republican Party.
- Southern strategy
- Theocracy Watch
- A list of Hollywood Republicans
- 2016 Republican Party presidential nomination
- Conservative Party (UK) - Sick of two-party politics? Welcome to the brave new world of one-party politics!
- Vote Republican!
- All rise for the official GOP theme song.
- The GOP: Totally not racist.
- Why Do Republicans Defend Torture?, New York Magazine
- Why Republicans Keep Telling Everyone They’re Not Scientists, The New York Times
- Here's Why Congressional Republicans Let Ted Cruz Lead Them Off a Cliff, Business Insider
- Time for a Bull Moose: The Risk of Generational Realignment and a Path Toward a “New Republican” Party, Harvard Kennedy School Review
- ↑ The Democrats are disintegrating almost as fast as the GOP: their bases in Chicago, Seattle, and New York have finally turned on them, and the Bernie Sanders campaign is basically their worst nightmare. Democrats also are known not to vote for anything outside of presidential elections. There's also questionable voting practices in some red states: Example being voter ID laws, restriction of early voting and poll stations being placed too far apart.
- ↑ In fact the GOP was originally a big tent centrist party based in the North that had inherited the legacy of the Whig Party. Factions included business conservatives, moderates (eventually "led" by Lincoln), liberals (led by Horace Greeley), radicals (led by Thaddeus Stevens), and nationalists who all agreed on a general dislike of slavery but not on much else nor on how to deal with it (the conservatives and moderates wanted to try to compromise whereas the liberals and even more so the radicals were more willing to illegalize slavery immediately).
- ↑ It really shows what is a priority for libertarians. Trump is pro-war (unless it's an odd-numbered day, then he's a peacenik) and against legalized weed, wants Snowden executed, even more spying and possibly a way to shut down the entire internet, has proposed higher taxes than Rand, etc. Trump doesn't even care about auditing the Fed or returning to the gold standard as far as anyone knows (even Donald Fucking Trump isn't that stupid). So really all they cared about was the racism and regressive attitudes toward women—And Rand didn't deliver on those decisively or soon enough in his campaign.
- ↑ Let’s just say it: The Republicans are the problem, Washington Post
- ↑ http://www.uta.edu/huma/agger/fastcapitalism/12_1/Giroux-Thinking-Dangerously-Political.htm
- ↑ Is it true that Democrats used to be the conservative party and Republicans used to be the progressive party?
- ↑ Green, Joshua, "How the Mythical Republican Moderate Disappeared", Bloomberg 5.2.12.
- ↑ How Corporations and Politicians Use Numbers to Lie — and How Not to Be Fooled
- ↑ James Pethokoukis, AEI fellow, "Do Conservatives Have Any New Ideas?", Bloomberg. Pethokoukis: If conservatives and Republicans desire a return to relevancy, then they can't offer today's voters reruns from the '80s and '90s in an attempt at solving yesterday's problems.
- ↑ Taibbi, Matt, "The Republicans Are Now Officially the Party of White Paranoia", Rolling Stone 9.4.15.
- ↑ Purdum, Todd S., "Why the Civil Rights Act couldn't pass today", Politico 7.2.14. Black people were happier when it was okay to lynch them.
- ↑ Roger Clegg, Hans A. von Spakovsky & Elizabeth H. Slattery, Let's End Discrimination By Destroying the Civil Rights Act!, 4.15.14. Leave it to National Review Online to mark the 50th anniversary of the CRA by calling on oppressed white folk to repeal it.
- ↑ http://voteview.com/Is_John_Kerry_A_Liberal.htm
- ↑ A bunch of men telling women what’s good for them
- ↑ Tharoor, Ishaan, "Why U.S. conservatives love Russia’s Vladimir Putin", WaPo 9.25.14.
- ↑ Solomon, Jay, "Where the GOP Candidates Stand on Syria’s Assad", WSJ (12/16/15 at 3:53 pm ET ).
- ↑ Campbell, Colin, "TRUMP: You've got to give that 'maniac' in North Korea some credit", Business Insider (1/9/16 at 4:20 PM).
- ↑ Milbank, Dana, "Republicans’ mindless obstruction has helped create something far worse", WaPo 3.11.16.
- ↑ Drezner, Daniel, "The awesome destructive power of the next president", WaPo 3.10.16.
- ↑ "Who Said It: Donald Trump or a Men's Rights Activist?", The Cut (5/11/16 at 12:07 p.m.)
- ↑ Ingraham, Christopher, "Data suggest Republicans have a race problem", WaPo 4.14.14.
- ↑ Nate Silver, "Party Identity in a Gun Cabinet", FiveThirtyEight (12/18/12 at 12:39 am).
- ↑ "Conspiracy Theories Round Two: Republicans More Likely To Subscribe to Government Conspiracy Theories", Public Policy Polling 10.2.13.
- ↑ Craig Shirley, "Reagan’s true legacy: The Tea Party", Reuters.
- ↑ Paul Goldman and Mark J. Rozell, "Newt Gingrich and religious conservatives: A marriage of convenience", Washington Post.
- ↑ Steven Thomma, "Religious Right Feels Betrayed By Gop Christian Conservatives Helped Put Republicans In Power. Now They Say Their Social Agenda Is Ignored", Inquirer Washington Bureau.
- ↑ Mike Lofgren, "GOP insider: Religion destroyed my party", Salon.
- ↑ Justin Sink, "Family Research Council says 'don't send a dime' to GOP", The Hill. (They're smartening up. Time to stop being useful dupes.)
- ↑ American Politics 101, R.I.P., Foreign Policy
- ↑ Robert Reich: "I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I fear that at least since 2010 we've been witnessing a quiet, slow-motion coup d'etat whose purpose is to repeal every bit of progressive legislation since the New Deal and entrench the privileged positions of the wealthy and powerful -- who haven't been as wealthy or as powerful since the Gilded Age of the late 19th century", Chicago Tribune.
- ↑ Jonathan Chait, "Anarchists of the House", New York Magazine.
- ↑ Thoma, Mark, "GOP Candidates Would Sacrifice the Social Safety Net for Tax Cuts ", The Fiscal Times 3.22.16.
- ↑ Drum, Kevin, "The Koch-Fueled Plot to Destroy the VA", Mother Jones (3/13/16 10:55 AM).
- ↑ Noam Chomsky, Understanding Power (2002) Chomsky: "The so-called Christian Right, for one, just have a different agenda. And I think big business is worried about them: the C.E.O.s don't want that kind of fascism...these Newt Gingrich-types might go too far and start cutting down the parts of the state system that are welfare for them—which of course is totally unacceptable.")
- ↑ Mantyla, Kyle, "When Conservative Christians Take Control Of Government ('Oh, The Demons Shudder!')", Right Wing Watch (3/16/2015 12:31 pm).
- ↑ Jeffrey Sachs: “On many days it seems that the only difference between the Republicans and Democrats is that Big Oil owns the Republicans while Wall Street owns the Democrats", The Economist.
- ↑ David Edwards, "Peter King near tears, threatens to quit Republican Party for blocking Sandy relief", Raw Story. Which is nonsense, Boehner doesn't have a compassionate bone in his body. King: "Boehner is the one. He walked off the floor. He refused to tell us why. He refused to give us any indication or warning whatsoever…"
- ↑ Jeanne Cummings, "Dems accused of tea party tampering", Politico.
- ↑ Joseph J. Ellis, "Their ultimate destination appears to be the 1780s and our dysfunctional government under the Articles of Confederation.", LA Times.
- ↑ Steven Rosenfeld, "The big winners of the GOP’s brutal civil war: The Koch brothers", AlterNet.
- ↑ Harry Reid: "Sen. Harry Reid: American politics is currently just a war between billionaires", Raw Story.
- ↑ George Monbiot, "Dave Brat: 'hot' Tea Party backed challenger causes US political shock", The Guardian.
- ↑ John B. Judis, "We could be witnessing the death throes of the Republican Party", New Republic.
- ↑ Nate Silver, "Assessing the G.O.P. and the Tea Party", FiveThirtyEight.
- ↑ Is Sen. Jim Bunning's stand against unemployment extensions in line with his past votes?, CNN
- ↑ "THE DEVIL was the tempter and Jesus was NOT a deceiver," Doug Giles
- ↑ Yeah.
- ↑ U.S. President Abraham Lincoln, letter to Col. William F. Elkins (Nov. 21, 1864).
- ↑ Republican Party founded on February 28, 1854, Politico
- ↑ Federal Budget Receipts and Outlays, UC Santa Barbara
- ↑ How the politics of resentment created a crisis in conservatism, The Globe and Mail
- ↑ The 'Emerging Democratic Majority' Isn't Assured—Unless the GOP Refuses to Change, The New Republic
- ↑ Robert Draper, "Has the Libertarian Moment Finally Arrived?", New York Times.
- ↑ Rick Pearlstein, "A new sort of conservative has taken over the Republican Party from the ground up—and they don’t give a goddamn about anything the U.S. Chamber of Commerce says", Alternet.
- ↑ http://motherboard.vice.com/read/meet-the-most-anti-science-congress-in-modern-history
- ↑ Michael Van de Gailen, "Corporatism For the Win - Mark Levin Blasts Fox News for Attacking Ted Cruz", PJM
- ↑ Gore Vidal, interview with Paul Jay (Aug. 1, 2007).
- ↑ Tim Craig and Michael D. Shear, "Allen Quip Provokes Outrage, Apology", WaPo 8.15.06.
- ↑ Bad News, The New Yorker
- ↑ Ashcroft protects the boobies.
- ↑ Jay Newton-Small and Katy Steinmetz, "Eight More Deep Thoughts from Rep. Joe Barton", TIME 6.18.10. Wind is constantly replenished by sunlight, dingus.
- ↑ Alexandra Jaffe, "Carson: Gay rights aren't the same as civil rights", CNN.
- ↑ Baker Peter, "The Final Insult in the Bush-Cheney Marriage", New York Times 10.10.13.
- ↑ Steinhauer, Jennifer, "Dole Appears, but G.O.P. Rejects a Disabilities Treaty", NYT 12.4.12.
- ↑ Gass, Nick, "Dole on Trump support: 'I can't vote for George Washington'", Politico (06/10/16 08:04 AM EDT).
- ↑ Nick Gass and Adam B. Lerner, "Donald Trump gives out Lindsey Graham's cellphone number", Politico (Updated 07/22/15 09:54 AM EDT).
- ↑ Gray, Kalli Joy, "Surprise! Huggy Cuddlebear John Kasich Actually Giant Jerkface", Wonkette (3/25/16 at 10:30am).
- ↑ Rich Lowry, "The Rancid Lincoln–Haters of the Libertarian Right", Daily Beast.
- ↑ Burgess Everett and Seung Min Kim, "McCain on tape: Trump damages my reelection hopes", Politico (05/05/16 05:17 AM EDT).
- ↑ Joy Gray, Kalli, "Rand Paul Teaches Lady Reporter How To Talk To Him, Again", Wonkette (4/8/15, 12:30pm).
- ↑ Sarah Jones and Jason Easley, "Rand Paul’s New Book Bombs By Selling Less Than 500 Copies In Two Weeks", PoliticusUSA.
- ↑ Apple, R. W., "Life in Iowa May Not Have Changed, But the Political Turf Is Another Story", NYT 10.28.95.
- ↑ Stephen Colbert noted if you remove the vowels from his name it spells RNC BS.
- ↑ Volsky, Igor, "Women Need To Be Paid Less So They Can Find Husbands", ThinkProgress (4/15/14 11:30 am). My fellow Americans, I have the solution for our nation in these tough economic times! American families should earn half as much money, because white men are insecure about their sexuality.
- ↑ Weigel, David, "Rick Snyder Didn't Want to Sign Right-to-Work Legislation Until He Signed It", Slate (12/.11/12 6:14 PM).
- ↑ Edwards, David, "GOP senator: Let restaurants ‘opt out’ of handwashing after toilet to ‘reduce regulatory burden’", Raw Story (2/3/15 11:29 ET). The unwashed invisible hand just gave someone salmonella.
- ↑ Choma, Russ, "LLCs Donate To Pro-Tillis Super PAC", Open Secrets 1.13.14. Free market capitalism when it suits him, protectionism and cronyism when the monopoly is challenged.
- ↑ In Lawmaker’s Outburst, a Rare Breach of Protocol, The New York Times
- ↑ Morrisson, Patt "Can Bruce Bartlett save the GOP by bursting its 'bubble'?", L.A. Times (6.3.15 at 5:00 PM).
- ↑ Sargent, Greg, "Publicist confirms it: Fox News blacklisted Bruce Bartlett over book critical of Bush", WaPO 11.28.12.