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The chickenhawks are full of squawks, deep in the heart of Texas
—Gene Autry
Texas is an outrage when your husband is dead. Texas is an outrage when they pick up his head. Texas is the reason that the President's dead!
—The Misfits

The State Republic of Texas is a de facto independent country in the southern adjacent to the United States. Texas has had independence from the United States ever since the Most Majestic President Rick Perry, High Prophet of the Most Venerable Family-Based Catholic Church of Texas, declared the supposed "states'" independence from them yellow bellied yankees. Texas is famous for its high quality ed-jew-ma-kay-shun system, of which the republic focuses most of its "well deserved" taxes profits on. Otherwise, money is thrown at the corporate leaders in Houston to continue ruining the economic structure of the nation, while all the national heads are kept on the white collar entertainment city of Dallas.

Six flags have flown over Texas: the Spanish, the French, the Spanish again, the Mexicans, the ancient Texans the United States, the Confederate States, the United States again and better Texas. When pretending to be just a state in the U.S., they are referred to as the "Lone Star State." Texas has had a large problem with immigration from Mexico, and Mexico might even annex the country for a second, third, FOURTH FIFTH time.


[edit] Texas stuff

They wanted their quarter to be larger than all the others.

Due to having entered the Union under unusual circumstances, as well as a prevailing spirit of plucky individualism, there are a number of Texans who claim not only that Texas should secede from the greater part of the United States, but that it has a unique right to do so, the outcome of the American Civil War notwithstanding. Despite claiming a constitutional right to do so, this right does not actually exist. The line in question was part of the first state Constitution, which was rewritten and a new state constitution was approved post-Civil War denying them that right, just like every other rebellious state. That few of its proponents know anything about said constitutional law, including (oops) Governor Rick Perry,[1] complicates matters significantly.[2] (It is rather more clear that most of the rest of the U.S. wishes that Texas would secede.) Ironically, Sam Houston, the most well-known hero of the Texas Revolution and the Texan equivalent of George Washington, was an avowed Unionist who actually campaigned against his state joining the Confederacy (and was arrested for it).

[edit] Politics

Strangely, Texas was once strongly Democratic. Then came the Civil Rights Act and the counterculture, which Texas blamed on the Democratic Party they had once loved. They have not supported a Democratic presidential candidate since 1976. Bill Clinton losing Texas in 1992, the first time a Democrat won the White House without the state, officially made this a red state. In 2001 50 Democrats from the Texas legislature fled to neighboring Oklahoma. They did this because Republican legislators tried to -- and eventually succeeded at -- gerrymandering the state. Gerrymandering was one of the strategies used by Tom DeLay and Karl Rove in their efforts to create a permanent Republican majority throughout the United States. Which is, again, ironic considering how many Texans believe their state captive nation should secede from the U.S.

Despite these loses, Democrats continued to win at the state level. Then in 1994, Democratic governor Ann Richards lost her re-election bid to George W. Bush and Bush's coattails brought every state office to the Republicans. Then in 2002 Democrats lost the Legislature, officially killing the party. The GOP has held the state ever since and Tom DeLay certainly wouldn't let go of it.

Apart from Austin, Dallas, Houston, and San Antonio, there is little hope for sanity in Texas. Need more proof? Have at it.

[edit] Police

In Texas, if the police don’t like you, especially if your skin is brown rather than white, then they can arrest you for nothing and say it was public intoxication.[3]

[edit] Separation of church and accountability

In 2008 the Texas Supreme Court ruled that a 17-year old girl who was imprisoned and abused while hallucinating could not sue the church over damages done during the exorcism.[4]

[edit] Texan science

[edit] More notable crazies

[edit] Footnotes

  1. What Perry Really Said About Secession
  2. Can Texas Secede from the Union?, CGPGrey
  3. Cop Walks Into a Bar And...Arrests You. For Having a Drink.
  4. http://www.nbcnews.com/id/25423465/ns/us_news-faith/t/court-exorcism-protected-law/#.VHE0fvnIZ1g
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