Donald Trump
“”History tells us that once a stupid rich man gets poor, he doesn't usually get rich again... unless he is Donald Trump.
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| —John Green |
“”He started with nothing, worked hard, and made a fortune. That man is Fred Trump – Donald's dad.
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| —Seth McFarlane |
Donald Trump (born "Fuckface von Clownstick"[1]) is a successful (sic) entrepreneur,[2] "self-made"[3] millionaire, television personality known for firing people, and sports the most spectacular one of the worst comb-overs in history. He was a possible contender for the 2012 U.S. Presidential Election for the Republican Party's nomination, so he could have run against Barack Obama.[4] Trump has been trolling the news media since the late eighties, and shows no signs of slowing down in the digital age.[5]
Trump caused an uproar asking for Prez Obama's birth certificate[6] and also believes Bill Ayers ghostwrote Obama's Dreams From My Father.[7] Nowadays, he poses as a right-winger and global warming denier, is pro-life, wanted to toughen up America by keeping troops in Iraq, supports a 25% tariff on Chinese goods[8] and wants to eliminate the U.S. Department of Education. This is a substantial reversion of his earlier positions: Trump used to be pro-choice,[9] pro-universal health care,[10] and has donated more than half a million dollars to Democrats over the last two decades, among them the right-wing's favorite bogeywoman Hillary Clinton.[11] Trump's ongoing business activities are also hard to reconcile with "conservative" positions: he owes a substantial portion of his wealth to his involvement in the gambling industry,[12] and his apparel line is manufactured in the very country that he wants to hit with punitive tariffs.[13]
Trump has no political experience, though has a good deal of business experience.[14] He is also probably the first presidential hopeful to use the word "fucking" in a speech, arguably raising his appeal amongst the Jersey Shore crowd.[15] He dropped out of the race after the aforementioned speech, and went against his work ethic heavily endorsed on The Apprentice. (Don't give up!)
That said, and as a case of a stopped clock, even Trump thinks Dick Cheney is a nasty piece of work, as he expressed after the aforementioned's memoir came out that the former Vice-President is too ruthless for even him.[16]
On the other side of the pond, Donald Trump has since 2006 been trying to build a golf course in Scotland on what was previously land protected for environmental reasons.[17] He attempted to have several residents of the land evicted, including a local farmer by the name of Michael Forbes who rejected a large amount of money for his land. For this he was awarded "top Scot" award in 2012.[18] His actions were parodied in this song. Since then, the Scottish government's plans to increase wind turbine capacity (his opposition to which even led to a heated discussion over Twitter with the host of the British version of The Apprentice, Lord Alan Sugar[19]) has encouraged him to cancel his plans, proving once and for all that they are worth every penny.
[edit] External links
- Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump
- You think he would be wealthy enough to hire a social media editor.
[edit] Footnotes
- ↑ Somebody's mad.
- ↑ Who, as Lewis Black reminded us on the 23 March 2011 episode of The Daily Show, managed to bankrupt a casino with his name on it. You read that correctly. HE BANKRUPTED A CASINO!!!!!
- ↑ He received seed money from his multi-millionaire real estate developer father who was named — this is a fact — Frederick Christ Trump. Perhaps Freddy's parents stopped themselves from naming him Jesus Christ because that would give him
too much ofa superiority complex. - ↑ Imagine the comedy material!
- ↑ It's now gone from trolling to stirring up mass hysteria. (And this gem.)
- ↑ Tea Partiers Rallying in DC Praise Donald Trump's Birther Stance, TPM
- ↑ Trump: Bill Ayers Wrote Obama's Book, TPM
- ↑ Free trade, baby.
- ↑ Trump's flip-flop on abortion, National Journal
- ↑ Trump Supports National Health Care, Business Insider
- ↑ Trump has a long history of assisting Democrats, CNN
- ↑ Minus the money he lost in his CASINO BANKRUPTCIES, of course.
- ↑ Hypocrite of the Week: Donald Trump, Dispatches from the Culture Wars
- ↑ Did we mention that HE BANKRUPTED A CASINO? Well, we weren't completely accurate. He didn't bankrupt A casino. He bankrupted MULTIPLE CASINOS!!!!! And didn't just bankrupt them once. As of 2011, HE HAD BANKRUPTED HIS CASINOS FOUR TIMES!!!!! Because, if there's any business where the owners can't control income and expenditures, and where cash flow is at a trickle, IT'S A CASINO!!!!!
- ↑ Donald Trump Shouts ‘F Word’ Multiple Times In Las Vegas Speech, Wonkette
- ↑ Donald Trump: Dick Cheney’s Book Is ‘Very Very Angry And Nasty’, ThinkProgress
- ↑ Donald Trump's Golfcourse, Ramblers Scotland
- ↑ See the Wikipedia article on Glenfiddich Spirit of Scotland Awards.
- ↑ Donald Trump blasts Lord Alan Sugar in Twitter wind farm spat, The Telegraph