Essay:Merlin's newly discovered prophecy

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If I'm mentioned in this too often, you are welcome to correct it by adding your own experiences in there. I've been reading Jeffrey of Monmoth (Merlin's been eating the wrong kind of mushrooms!). If any could add reference links (say, the picture of Conservative battling himself in chess), that would be nice. Also, some re-ordering might be needed.

In the year 2007 AD, a castle will rise up from dust. Conservatives will make this castle their home, and it will be a time of war. Death will be brought to women's sons, and goats will run wild through the streets. These goats will be the sons of the god Rationality, and will form a group known as the cabal. The cabal will run wild through the streets of Fort Conservapedia, until they are purged in the Night of the Blunt Knives, upon which they will be expelled with the Banhammer of Thor. Upon their expellment, they will go to a great cave, where they will set up RationalWiki. For many months they will feast happily, but the Baron TK will hunt them down, impersonating a goat. The baron will take this information back to the planning room of Fort Conservapedia, and for a day, the room will be open to the public. Stones will speak to each other, and TK will be banished to the Darklands. For months he will wander, until he stumbles upon the second organization of RationalWiki. Once more will he come, but this time as himself. During his stay there, he will meet Kels, and kill her in cold blood, though she will be revived. Eventually, he will be driven out from RationalWiki. Trent will bestoy administratorship upon everybody else, and will be the only surviving member of the Divine Trinity, RWAdmin, Trent, and ColinR. Many users will join, and the wiki will grow rapidly. A disguise will be made so that they can imitate the assfly. A Great Toothed Weasel will wrap its tail around Conservapedia, and the knave CUR, the spawn of both total irrationality and complete rationality, in his inane, insane, delusions, will ride against him in the name of the rusty-spotted cat. However, they will make peace and become allies. In time, the knave CUR will journey forth with Sir Javascap, but only after the wiki is forced to move, causing a Trail of Tears, and and two outsiders come and go. This will take its toll, but in time, all will recover. It is upon this time that the Campaign against the Order of the Evil Red Link Dragons will commence, and many user's castles will be made from dust, using the Sword and Pen of Wiki-Editing, and a pure white goat and a rusty-spotted cat. After the conclusion of this war, an article on cats will be written, and it will be shuffled from place to place, before finding a home in mainspace, where it serves as a defense against creationist lies about cats. April Fool's will come, and two users will appear to leave the site, only to come back. After this happens, a Worm will breath golden fire, and hiss about why there are no green stars. The great hit ConservaHitler will be made, and be proudly displayed all around. Conservative will battle himself in a game of chess, and the Fort Conservapedia will start to fall from the poison of TK. TK will poison the great Lord ASchlafly, and he will ascend to the throne, though the assfly will not know he is dead. Philip J. Rayment and CPAdmin1 will leave in protest, and start up aSK. The goats will proudly parade through its streets, and a no violence treaty will be struck up as they work to help one another. Pillow fights will be allowed anyway. A great Heron will swoop down from heaven, and alight on a huge tree. The tree will have sprung from the soil, and will restrict the pathflights of the rare Jinx bird, but liberals will flourish in its branches. The Great Toothed Weasel and CUR will battle together against the heron, but both will be eaten. In vegenance, the great Phantom Hoover will ride against the bird, and will not be destroyed, since he is already dead. From the bird's beak, as it dies, will issue a loud shriek, vaporising the essence of Phantom Hoover in an instant. Icewedge and his legion of vandals, angered over what they have seen, will go for a final attack against evil, from which they will not return, though they will kill thousands each. The Interpreter will be killed, acting as a translator so the two sides can work out a peace agreement, and the representative, Human, will get away severely scarred and die of his wounds. When all seems lost, Palpatine will combine forces with the Great Fox, and the two will slay thousands with lightening and wit. However, Conservative will challenge the two to a game of chess and win, as he will play with six queens. After he wins, the two will die of embaressment, and Conservative will be set upon by the mob, and torn apart like a tissue. Bread will begin to speak, and will battle theists. However, the bread will be destroyed in a toaster oven, and spread with blackberry jam. In revenge, TheoryOfPractice will attack TK, but TK will turn him into TheoryOfPretzels. The entire site of RationalWiki will attack Fort Conservapedia in a final battle. Kels will be killed by her old enemy TK in a traitorous attack, but FretfulPorpentine will stab him in the back. Fall down, the mighty troll, will agree to help RationalWiki in their hour of need, provided that they de-vandal bin his socks. He will be killed over and over again, but his great potion TOR will revive him. Finally, however, he will run out of the great potion of TOR, and he will fall down, though he will take half the army of conservatives with him. SusanG, the exile, will return from the dead, and battle ASchlafly once more. With Trent's, Nx's, and a few coder's help, they will hack into the system and block him, though all will be destroyed in the process. The Jinx bird will battle his enemies with a fowl mouth, but he will rarely fight, and be destroyed along with Ace. InsertYourNameHere will fight with Javascap, and they will kill Conservative with YouTube videos. AddisonDM will fight with RationalWiki alongside Philip J. Rayment and CPAdmin1, and they will slay thousands of their former comrades. Eventually, they will reach the secret leader, Phillis Schlafly, and destroy her. When she is destroyed, the battle will stop, and both sides will be hit by a comet before they came leave the battlefield. Wikipedia will be desroyed along with the Land of Goats and Andyland, and only the United States of Logic and Reason will survive, though a famine will sweep through the land. Mormon crickets will be heard whenever a joke is told. Chaos will rule.


Such is the prophecy.