Essay talk:Conservapedia, the sitcom

MOER!: It's a sure fire hit.  ^(Toast) _{and marmalade} 16:54, 5 February 2009 (EST)

Thanks! I literally made this all up in like a half hour. It pretty much writes itself. ħuman 17:22, 5 February 2009 (EST)

Luvely! What about the foreign exchange students? l'arron^{sicut fur in nocte} 16:56, 5 February 2009 (EST)

I think they would come under the heading of "new students kicked out for being liberal"? ħuman 17:22, 5 February 2009 (EST)

Hey Guys! It's an essay, leave it alone 'til Human releases it?  ^(Toast) _{and marmalade} 17:02, 5 February 2009 (EST)

sorry, though you are right, it's just irresistible. Of course, I won't mind any revert by Human l'arron^{sicut fur in nocte} 17:05, 5 February 2009 (EST)

Thanks, yeah, I would have put this in CP, but I wanted it to stay a "human" joynt - I am open to good suggestions of course. ħuman 17:22, 5 February 2009 (EST)

Don't we need a church minister? Klapaucius^{Esteemed Constructor} 17:08, 5 February 2009 (EST)

You'll notice that one never appears in the "reality" this is based on. ħuman 17:22, 5 February 2009 (EST)

sofa so good, but it needs the phrase "with hilarious consequences" somewhere. Totnesmartin 17:26, 5 February 2009 (EST)

Very nice. How about an episode where Mr. Schweitzer spends the whole time insisting that Spiro T. Agnew was born in Mongolia and was a Buddhist? And there has to be an episode called Godspeed! Worm ^{(t | c)} 17:29, 5 February 2009 (EST)

And "uncle" Ed with spy holes in the girl's changing rooms. And the glamourous Japanese Jess.  ^(Toast) _{and marmalade} 17:31, 5 February 2009 (EST)

Totnes, yes, "hilarity ensues" or some such woudl be appropriate. Worm, absolutely, I just haven't figured out how to work the election thing yet, but it should be one of the better episodes if done right(ly). I have an idea for the Godspeed! ep now, I'll add it. Toast, I tried to stay away from Ed's creepiness at that level, but him being portrayed as a leering dirty old man ought to do it? Btw, this strikes me as being much more likely to get made in the UK than the US. ħuman 19:58, 5 February 2009 (EST)

The "essay" thing

I know it's cruel of me to keep this to myself, but it's still my newborn baby, so I'm feeling a bit "protective" of it and all. Also, I worry that if I "open it up", people will add far too many characters - keep in mind most sitcoms have well under a dozen regulars. It takes a long run to have recognizable, developed "occasional" characters (like MASH, say). Of course, more "writers" would add to the quality of the episodes section... so I'm torn... we'll see how I fell in a few days. Also, I'll have to remove "someone" adding "Andy didn't like his Momma" to every section every few days. ħuman 19:58, 5 February 2009 (EST)

You could have Bugler, Icewedge, and MexMax. Definitely MexMax. You need MexMax. --"ConservapediaUndergroundResistor^{recent changes patroller} 20:23, 5 February 2009 (EST)

Perhaps a "Bugler" episode (which could incorporate elements of Samwell and MexMax). (New student makes good, is made class prefect or hall monitor, then wrecks the classroom...?) I'll make that one up while I sleep tonight. Thanks for playing along! ħuman 20:29, 5 February 2009 (EST)

New episode

Didn't notice human's request to avoid adding new material until I'd already written this. Feel free to put it back in the article, if you feel it's up to snuff. Stile4aly 11:03, 6 February 2009 (EST)

"It's Just a Little Prick"

After a particularly stirring lecture about vaccination causing autism, teen pregnancy, and uneven tire wear, Schweitzer's students decide they don't need their 7 year booster shots. A public health professional gets wind of this and tries to convince Mr. Schweitzer of the need to vaccinate his large group of students.

Weeks pass and a student comes back from an educational trip to Sweden. Over the next few days, more and more of the class begins to call out sick. Soon the whole class is infected with the measles, including Schweitzer who, covered in measles, who is seen calling the FBI about what he believes to be a bio-terror attack committed by the rats.

The Lenski Affair

I can't believe you left out the Lenski Affair. There should definetely be an episode where the class challenges a well-established scientist and subsequently gets pwned. Z3ro^talk 11:19, 6 February 2009 (EST)

It's "Professor Values". Pseudomonas 11:25, 6 February 2009 (EST)

Teach me not to read the whole entry. Z3ro^talk 12:08, 6 February 2009 (EST)

Bugler?

I can see it already...

Some ideas/comments

This is a great idea that could work, though I have a few misgivings that it will turn into a bunch of in-jokes, which needs to be avoided (the guy who steals artwork, for instance, is clearly just a jab at Joaquin, and the premise makes little sense in this context). Another issue: on one hand, for a show about a guy who teaches a bunch of homeschoolers, the cast seems to be a little adult heavy; I'm not sure one can realistically insert 1 janitor, let alone 3, into a classromm setting with any regularity. On the other hand, shows in which the main characters are children can be problematical (child actors are usually awful), and bringing the same children back for many seasons doesn't really work (how did Welcome Back Kotter deal with this?), so maybe just about all the students should be secondary characters. Another thought I had is that the "rats" should not even really exist in any meaningful way, they should be basically figments of Schweitzer's imagination. Sure, there will be public schoolers in the general area, and Schweitzer will associate them with everything bad that happens in the world and with his class, but they should basically be liberal bogeymen.

As for number of main characters, I think we're getting a bit out of hand adding too many teachers for a class that would basically be taught by one man, though I do like the idea of Dartler, a special-ed guy himself, coming in for various lectures. Maybe, to justify it, he could be a relative of Schweitzer who his mom forces him to employ time to time, since he's useless in the real world. I wouldn't worry yet about too many characters overall for a sit-com, the older 2-couple model is being replaced by shows like The Office, which have a substantial ensemble cast. I think we're looking at 2 potential models here, one in which a select group of students sitting in front are main characters, and one in which they are secondary, and can maybe be replaced in different seasons. In any case I see the following primary characters: the main teacher, the secondary semi-retarded teacher, a janitor, the TA (an older former student, and probably the only competent one in the whole show, and one who could or could not be brought back in subsequent seasons). If we go with the student model, there would be 4 or 5 major student characters and about as many other minor ones, otherwise all students would be minor characters (I have to admit 52 students seems far too many, and it seems funnier if his group of students who will impact the world is about a dozen or so mostly dim-witted souls). If the students are all going to be minor characters we might want a good portion of the show to be Schweitzer's home life, where he can bitch about liberals and expound the decidedly mediocre achievements of his students to his wife and rebellious daughter, and maybe some of his "friends" can show up in the outside the classroom portions, which can allow us to bring in guys like Mr. Raymond or others.

I think most of the students should have recognizable quirks, though they would still be minor. For instance, I like the idea of an Orthodox Jew who is very conservative and who agrees with Schweitzer on political and social issues; Schweitzer can't understand why he's uncomfortable with beginning every class with an extensive prayer to Jesus. DickTurpis 12:49, 20 February 2009 (EST)

Wow, that's some really good input, thanks! I know it runs a bit adult heavy, but really they are the interesting characters - the kids could end up being little more than props to set up the raving loony adult content - and your various points about child actors/characters are good ones too. Re: the rats - another very good point. Oh, I was also thinking of making Kracwitz a security guard rather than a janitor.

On the sitcom character count, is the office a 30 minute show still? How many regulars do they support?

As far as in-jokes, I guess I would say this version as presented is partly for the fun of RWians, which is why we are in it, and why the names are who they are, things like that. None of that would survive to the screen version - see the appendix I wrote on "audience knowledge". Any "in" jokes have to be supported by what the audience sees and can be expected to retain from hsow to show (like the "they killed Kenny" meme SP developed).

There wouldn't ever by 52 students on screen, that would be wasteful. Probably 3 - 6 ones with strongish roles and another 6-9 rhubarbers. And, of course, they are all replaceable from season to season ;) Perhaps there could be seasonal turnover with them all getting two seasons (terms) once things are rolling? ħuman 19:28, 20 February 2009 (EST)

I guess the main problem is we have 2 potential things going on here: a Rationalwiki funspace sort of thing much like Conservapedia:The Musical, and we have the idea of actually writing a pilot script, which would take a different approach. The second idea is a bit more of what I'm into, as the first is fun, but it's basically just tweaking 2 years worth of WiGOs into a new format. If we do approach this as a real idea for a TV show we can't really expect anything to come of it, as it's a very far-fetched goal, but we should still approach it as if we were honestly trying to launch of new series. The idea is pretty fresh, and certainly has potential; school-based sitcoms of course are commonplace, but this one is different enough.

If do take the real show approach, the emphasis has to be on what works and what is funny rather than on adapting every CP persona and event for its own sake. We would also have to decide if we want to take the sort of realistic approach or a more absurdist one. I prefer the former, we are, after all, largely adapting this from real life anyway and addressing soem serious issues, though it would necessitate losing Mr. Martingale's bringing in the original Mona Lisa, and a public schooler in a fake mustache becoming the new prefect (slight hyperbole on both). I would also really think the Rats would have to go as any real entity. The idea of a group of school kids called "The Rats" is dated by about 50 years, and I really can't see a group of public school kids giving two shits about what a fundie homeschool class down the road is up to. They also sound a bit like assholes. I sort of see the extent of any such intervention by rationalists being very limited. Maybe in an early episode, say, the class tart meets a slightly older cool public school boy on the bus home after class, they get flirting and she tells him all the great "facts" they've been learning in class. He responds "um, no...." and tells her that the speed of light is constant, black holes were not invented to sell magazines, Viking artifacts were not planted in Newfoundland by liberals in an effort to discredit Christians, and other amazing facts. She brings up some of these points in class the next day, to which Schweitzer responds with "BUTTON THE HATCHES! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK BY LIBERAL DECEIT!!!" From that moment on he obsesses about public school atheists corrupting and infiltrating his class. Very little is actually seen of the public schoolers afterwards (though maybe a romance blossoms between the tart and the rational one, making them both among the main characters). Although I sort of like the idea of the TA being away for a few weeks, so Schweitzer picks an unknown replacement based on some superficial and erroneous criterion who turns out to be a mini Richard Dawkins.

As for the modern sitcom format, it has evolved substantially. The Office, a 30 minute show, has something like 14 main characters (about 4 are the real main ones, but all of them appear in each episode, with varying degrees of screen time, while there are even more who do not work in the office itself but appear regularly). The concept of filming on a soundstage, with 85% of all scenes set in one or two places (the Cheers barroom, the Huxtable's living room, etc.) is basically passe. Larger casts, more fluid settings, and the disappearance of both live audiences and canned laughter are the current trends. I see no reason not to go with this approach. Anyway, these are just a few of my ideas. DickTurpis 01:53, 21 February 2009 (EST)

First para: absolutely. My goal is to get paid for typing. I only made it sort-of RW fun for general acceptance - but note, I kept it in "essay" because I AM A KONTROL FREAK oops, because I think it might actually work.

"on what works and what is funny rather than on adapting every CP persona and event" absolutely I agree.

I like your input. Is there a better way than on this wiki that we can collaborate to get rich? We need to write a pilot... My goal was to start writing plays by 50, and I'm 49. ħuman 03:14, 21 February 2009 (EST)

If you're up to trying to collaborate on an actual script, I'm game (of course my long period of unemployment ends Monday, so timing is a bit off, but oh well). While keeping the project alive here is good for input of ideas, the writing itself would have to be taken off wiki, as the wiki format is not conducive to writing of this sort. Neither of us seem to have any experience in this sort of thing (though I do some writing as a hobby) but that's fine.

Before beginning, a few things need to be decided. Is the focus to be Schweitzer's class or Schweitzer himself? If it's the class, we have to make a handful of students main characters or we'd be stuck with a bunch of Assfly lectures for much of the show. This approach is problematical because, as you pointed out, the interesting characters are the adults, and it will be difficult to work in much screen time for janitors and the like. Keep in mind, this is set in some sort of church basement, not a proper school, kids don't hang out by their lockers or at lunch, they're here for a couple hours then off home to get further miseducation by their fundie parents. If it's about Schweitzer, and maybe half or less of the time of most episodes is set in the class itself, then we have more room to work in other characters. I had an idea for Mr. Raymond being the church administrator, who is regularly at odds with Schweitzer over things like Dartler's Hitler posters in the classroom, and other Asslfy-inspired insanity no one would want to have to deal with. Raymond would be decidedly conservative, but Schweitzer would think him a pinko based on his moderate stance on a few issues. (We could base this relationship on Andy/PJR, but in this scenario PJR is the boss, so the dynamic would change; most, but not all, of the complaints about liberalism would have to be behind his back.) We can also bring in his family, including his obedient wife and his rebellious daughter (I'm thinking way more rebellious than Phyllis the Younger, I'm thinking pseudo-punk), and maybe whatever "friends" he has (a good way to bring in some good, socially awkward characters, as no one else would tolerate Schweitzer). 4 or 5 cretins, all stupid in their own unique way, could make for an interesting weekly Bible study group.

Anyway, let's hear your input (and anyone else's). We're in no hurry here. The way I see it, I suspect it will be about a year from now that the Jay Leno Show goes belly up and NBC is sent scrambling for 5 hours or primetime programming to immediatey fill its slot. At that point they'll take anything. DickTurpis 12:17, 21 February 2009 (EST)

RationalWiki creation

Okay it should be called "Veggie Brains" and have someone point out that being a vegan doesn't cause brain cancer, parodying CP saying abortion causes breast cancer. Some people object to this, and try to edit his website, but Ambly objects and reverts. Eventually those people make a parody of this wiki, which the students take a liking to. Ambly goes insane and becomes Big Brother, making sure that nothing on the other site goes on his, despite that barely any evidence shows that veganism causes brain cancer.

At the end, it Ambly should go to the doctor to talk about headaches and finds out that he has brain cancer because of all the stress he forced upon himself.

User:Mectrixctic 02:55, 8 September 2010 (UTC)