Fun:Bird
Birds are a now extinct species of animals, THIS IS WHAT THE GOVER'MENT DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT. All birds you see nowadays are FAKE, completely MADE UP, now they're drones created by the CIA for the purposes of spying on you and your loved ones.
Description[edit]
On the outside, Birds seem to be warm blooded feathered creatures with two legs, a beak, and wings for the most part used for flying. On the inside, birds are mechanical ABOMINATIONS made of GEARS, they have CAMERAS IN THEIR EYES used by the CIA to spy on humans. They can usually be seen standing on power lines as this is their way of charging their batteries. It's feces are now liquid tracking devices, better start washing that car!
History[edit]
Before the event[edit]
Despite popular belief, there was a point in time where birds did exist. From the age of the Dinosaurs to as recent as the 1800s, birds have been an unobjectionable fact of life. Well, they WERE an unobjectionable fact of life, that was until...
1900s[edit]
During the Red Scare of the 40s-50s, the CIA was on high alert to make sure that no one was being a dirty communist. While their first attempts worked for the most part, they needed a better way of tracking people. For a period of time, the government just placed CCTV cameras in places with a high Russian immigrant concentration, and this method seemed to work for them for a few years. In 1953, Allen Dulles was made the first civilian director of the CIA and made it his mission to improve the security system. In 1956, he met up with President Dwight D. Eisenhower and proposed his new plan, that plan being to somehow put cameras in the sky. Dulles knew that the sky was a prime target for surveillance, as it was easier to track someone with a flying object rather than a camera in a tree or something. Eisenhower approved of the initial idea, but told him to only return when the plan could feasibly be put into motion.
The current running theory is that Dulles and his team came up with the idea of killing all birds and replacing them with cameras was thought up on some unspecified weekend. Here's the THING about Dulles and his team, they HATED birds with a BURNING passion. Birds would often poop in their parking lots at the CIA headquarters, and they were constantly called vile nicknames by the organization. They decided to (literally) kill two birds with one stone by killing all birds and replacing them with robots. This was done by making a virus that only affected birds by using B52 bombers. Once the bio-weapons infected the birds, the avian would slowly disintegrate into dust so that there weren't any dead birds lying around. And then, the plan was a success for almost 30 years, the populace believed the lie that birds were still alive and well, and the government gained a new way to spy on said populace.
That was until 1976, when a brave individual named █████ ████████[note 1] started the organization known most simply as Birds Aren't Real.[note 2] Now everyone who isn't a useful idiot or sheep knows about this secret, even YOU! Now grab those pitchforks and lets get ready to riot in the streets! FOR EVERYONE WILL NOW KNOW THE TRUTH YOU DIRTY SWINES-
See Also[edit]
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Tired of laughing? RationalWiki has a slightly more serious article about Bird. |
- Birds, they're totally real guys, this was just a joke article, CIA doesn't lie, CIA never lies, ahahhahaahaha.
- Reptiles, the CIA might come for them next!
- Crocoduck, even if birds were real this would still be stupid, probably moreso.
External links[edit]
- Birds Aren't Real - HELP THE CAUSE