Fun:Conservapedian Bowel Syndrome

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Conservapedian Bowel Syndrome is a condition afflicting those with moderate to severe homophobia. Sufferers experience intense clenching of the anal sphincter in response to their deep fear of (and arguably hidden longing for) anal sex, causing chronic constipation. Patients in the early stages of the disease exhibit "tight ass" behaviour [1] such as expressions of disgust at seeing their gay and lesbian neighbours[2] holding hands and a pathological desire to find a gay agenda in Sponge Bob and Teletubbies.

Advanced stages[edit]

Patients in the advanced stages of the disease often develop a full-blown faecal neuropathy, in which the accumulated faeces make their way into the cerebral cortex, disrupting any remaining tendencies toward compassion and logic. Diagnostic of advanced Conservapedian Bowel Syndrome with faecal neuropathy are the following symptoms: the purported discovery of liberal bias in well-established scientific principles; the invention of fictional diseases, Gay Bowel Syndrome etc suffered by homosexuals; and ad hominem attacks on evolutionary biologists. The prognosis for patients who are left untreated is bleak: they all-too-often spread the disease to their spouses, offspring, and friends.

A similar illness, often found in conjunction with it, is rectocranial inversion.

Footnotes[edit]

  1. I use British spelling to annoy the Assfly.
  2. Another British spelling--deal with it.