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Homosexual agenda

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It's the gay version of the Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion, honest!
Some dare call it
Icon conspiracy.svg
What THEY don't want
you to know!
Sheeple wakers
You place the Bible in every hotel room, hold signs up on street corners, have churches on nearly every corner, insist "God" be on money and knock on the doors of strangers to spread the good word. Tell me again about the gay agenda.
—Atheism: We-Think-More[1]

The homosexual agenda (sometimes gay agenda and not to be confused with the gay daily planner) is a metaphorical boogeyman created by the Religious Right in the United States. The agenda's slimy lavender appendages are trying to infiltrate and corrupt all of our precious bodilfy fluids every facet of traditional American culture, most notably family values.

The prime purpose for the metaphor is to give the LGBT rights a shady, vicious and fictional purpose (usually rooted in anti-Christianity, anti-Islam[2] and/or pro-communist conspiracies) and thus keep it dehumanized.

The term "homosexual agenda" is often used as a euphemism for homosexual recruitment. The agenda is easier to rail against and hate than the individuals seeking basic civil rights are.

Those who believe in the homosexual agenda often cite Michael Swift's satirical essay, "Gay Revolutionary," as evidence for their views. In doing so, they generally omit the first line, which reads: "This essay is an outré, madness, a tragic, cruel fantasy, an eruption of inner rage, on how the oppressed desperately dream of being the oppressor."[3]

Brokeback Mountain is also apparently a centerpiece of the agenda, being a clever propaganda piece by which Hollywood can brainwash unsuspecting red-blooded Americans into going along with the homosexual agenda![4]

Exposing their fabulous plot[edit]

According to the Christian Post, the homosexual agenda consists of:[5]

  1. Decriminalisation of sodomy
  2. Equalization of age of consent for heterosexual sex and homosex
  3. Anti-discrimination laws e.g. equality in sex education which should cover heterosexual sex and anal sex
  4. Same-sex marriage or civil union
  5. Homosexual parenthood and adoption rights.

To others this might be known as "being treated like a human being" — the horror!

Use of this term may indicate paranoia, persecution complex and a likely obsession with everything gay.

An earlier iteration of this conspiracy theory was referred to as "Homintern," a play on the Soviet Comintern. This theory posited that gays controlled the arts and media and used them for the purposes of propagandizing and recruitment.[6] More recently, the term "Sexual Bolshevism" has been preferred by Metapedians, although this phrase has its history in Weimar Germany.

It is a little known fact that many homosexuals do have an agenda which is mainly geared toward them being treated with the same dignity and respect as everyone else. What greedy jerks.

Stealing our rainbows![edit]

Rainbow: Sign of the Covenant with Noe. Its 7 colors (from the top down: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet) recall the 7 Sacraments (7 is the sign of Covenant and completion). In St. John's vision of Heaven, a rainbow makes an appearance – over the head of the angel who gives John a book to eat (ch. 10), and surroudning [sic] the throne of God.

Everyone's favorite nutjob, Scott Lively, created a video trying to reclaim the rainbow as a Christian symbol, in a delightful little ditty, The Rainbow Belongs to God, which goes: "Who is the one that dares to defy God's covenant truth with lies?"[8] Answer: The Gays™ and the gay agenda.

In schools[edit]

Some modern and fundamentalist conservative movements, particularly in America, believe that public schools are "indoctrinating" students to promote, convert to, or generally accept homosexuality as "normal".[9] This view has become more prominent in the latter half of the twentieth century following the sexual revolution of the 1960s, after which homosexuals became more accepted by mainstream society. However, the evidence to support the claim that homosexuals are trying to convert students (let alone the existence of ideological justification for doing so) is scarce non-existent. This idea, referred to as an arm of the homosexual "agenda", is a result of the acceptance of homosexuality by mainstream society and teaching about homosexuality in schools. However, the teaching about homosexuality has been interpreted by anti-homosexual and religious movements as an attempt to convert, rather than educate, students.

While there has been a noticeable lack of teaching gayness in schools, there has been a statistical spike in scared, closeted LGBTQQ kids recently killing themselves rather than go to class the next day, to the point where Barack Obama, when President of the United States, made a YouTube video about it.[10] Evangelicals responded by saying their kids were bullied first by the kid "being gay" at school.

A typical gay agenda...[edit]

percieved agenda...[edit]

  • 8:00am - Wake up.
  • 8:30am - Go to gym lusting after locker-room genitals.
  • 1:30pm - Inspire schoolboys to be transgendered ballerinas.
  • 5:00pm - Take cocktail of AIDS pill.
  • 5:10pm - Take cocktail of ecstasy, xanax, oxycontin and paint thinner.
  • 6:15pm - Glory hole.
  • 7:00pm - Send mixed signals with strange beard and ironic masculine clothes.
  • 7:30pm - Work in cliché fashion job making tons of money.
  • 8:00pm - Donate money to fake news.
  • 9:30pm - Fill hole in soul with gross unprotected gay-man-sex.
  • 11:10pm - Drag reluctant pregnant friend to abortion clinic.
  • 11:20pm - Send text message to secret ISIS boyfriend in Syria.

actual gay men's agenda[edit]

  • 8:00am - Wake up.
  • 8:30am - Go to work.
  • 9:00am - Work.
  • 12:30pm - Quick lunch with some workmates.
  • 1:30pm - Work some more.
  • 5:00pm - Buy bread and toilet paper at corner store.
  • 6:30pm - Call parents for a bit.
  • 7:00pm - Make dinner with partner.
  • 8:00pm - Eat.
  • 9:30pm - Watch episode of Grey's anatomy.
  • 10:15pm - Go to bed.

External links[edit]

Icon fun.svg For those of you in the mood, RationalWiki has a fun article about gay agenda.