Fun:Dalek

Stairs? Bollocks!

Daleks are a race of highly intelligent, libural, evil, rather amusing-looking peppershakers from the BBC science fiction TV series Doctor Who.

They were created by the evil mastermind Davros, who developed mutant Kaleds to operate his fiendish peppershaker machines.

DALEKS ARE THE RULERS OF THE UNIVERSE! ALL HAIL THE DALEKS!

The Daleks are world renowned for their attempts at universal domination. For some reason, despite the fact that they cannot go up stairs, they usually do quite well, until the previously pacifist Doctor goes berserk and kills half of them by blowing up a sun.

The Jesus dalek, a special edition line of one! EX-COM-MUN-I-CATE! EX-COM-MUN-I-CATE!

The Daleks have gone through a ridiculous amount of power inflation over the years. In their first appearance they were dependent on static electricity, yet thirty-five years later they came close to destroying everything in the universe.

But do remember that Daleks want unlimited rice pudding so always keep some rice pudding with you. Give it to the Dalek if EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE!!!

Flaws with their plan

1. They cannot go up stairs. Oh, yes they can! However, real Daleks do not climb stairs, they level the building. This strategy uh, falls flat if they are in the basement. We couldn't resist.
2. No one ever takes someone seriously when they talk in staccato voice
3. Their vision can be impaired by dropping a hat over their eyestalk
4. They can’t manipulate objects - all they have is a toilet plunger for a hand
5. They do not have the ability to make things - they only have one toilet plunger, meaning that they cannot work with an object while holding it down
6. They can’t sneak up on anyone - they have flashing lights on the top of their heads and insist on screaming "EX-TER-MIN-ATE" at all opportunities
7. The producer of the show can send them out to grass.
8. They can easily be killed with their own weapons

Dalek Survival Guide

Spider Dalek

The earliest model of Dalek had eight legs. If you are attacked, go for the joints. They're the weakest point, so attempting to trip them would probably work well.

Most early models

Stairs. They can't go up stairs. The BBC made a really scary monster that can't go up stairs. When they realized they'd screwed up, they gave them levitation abilities. But the fact still remains - really scary and unstoppable, unless there's a flight of stairs.

Really, REALLY early models

In the first episode with the Daleks, they were powered by static electricity. Removing them from the power source (the floor) shut them down.

Conclusion

Worst. Villains. Ever.

YOU ARE AN ENEMY OF THE DALEKS, YOU MUST BE DESTROYED!!!! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMIN- Bollocks, they ran up the stairs. Never-mind, let me just levitate... there. EXTERMA- Oh, now they shut the door, bloody hell. I can't quite open it with my plunger... wait. EXTERMINATE!!! There! I exterminated the door, now to extermin- I CAN'T SEE, I CAN'T SEE, THEY PUT A BLANKET OR HAT OR SOMETHING ON MY EYE-STALK, HELP, HELP, THEY'RE PUSHING ME DOWN THE ST-

Okay, now that was sorted out:

Worst. Villains. Ever.

Who let the daleks out?

Who!
Who! Who! Who!

Best Defence Against Daleks

• Cushions
• Or a baseball bat
• Being one of the 13 (14 if you count John Hurt) Doctors
• Davros's chair

External links

• See the Wikipedia article on Dalek.
• "I'm Gonna Spend My Christmas With a Dalek": A 1964 novelty song that defies description. (Okay, we're being kind. The truth is that this song makes "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" sound like Mozart.) And, no, these Go-Go's are not the Belinda Carlisle Go-Go's.
• Their presence on Twitter suggests that Dalek culture may be far less homogenous than previously thought.