Fun:Spanking

Tired of laughing? RationalWiki has a slightly more serious article about Spanking.

Spanking is the Bible-mandated means of disciplining children. When you sin, you open yourself up to demonic possession. Being spanked literally beats the devil out of you. This is why the Bible commands parents to "spare not the rod of correction". Punishment in any other way leaves the sinner demon possessed.

According to Rev. Jack Hyles, spanking should be a 30-45 minute ritual that leaves permanent marks on the spankee. This is because Jesus was our example when He went to the Cross to die for our sins. The Bible says, "by His stripes we are healed". Jesus is our example to follow, so we too should get stripes that will heal us. Just as Jesus going to the Cross was the ultimate act of love, so too is spanking.

You break Jesus' heart when you fail to spank a sinful or rebellious child. The Bible says, rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft. Anarchy is witchcraft, and so is liberalism! Spanking is the only cure. Spank your kids early and often, or they'll grow up to be liberal atheist witches. Spanking can also cure them of developing sexual perversions later in life, such as homosexuality and sadomasochism. Spank your children frequently to keep them demon-free, to honor the ultimate sacrifice of Christ on the Cross, and to make sure they don't grow up to be liberals, sexual freaks, or perverts! An entire generation of youngsters grew up to become communist hippie protesters and pot smokers in the 1960s because their parents took the bad advice of the cultural Marxist, Benjamin Spock, and didn't spank their children. Don't let this happen to our up and coming young generation!

Remember: Spanking is an act of LOVE

Spanking in the bible.

Because "spanking" like "dinosaur" is a relatively new term, the word "spanking" does not appear in teh bible. There are however a number of passages which clearly refer to the practice. These include (from teh New International Version)

• Proverbs 13:24: He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
• Proverbs 22:15: Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.
• Proverbs 23:13: Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.
• Proverbs 29:15: The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.

For those who do not follow dominionism, the best teh New Testament can do is:

• Hebrews 12:5-6: “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”