“”The land of my fathers. My fathers can have it.
Wales is a beautiful country adjacent to England. It is famous for its non-stop rain, which is collected by the Welsh and stolen by the English.
It has been rumored that if Wales's terrain were flattened out, it would be as large as Texas.
The "Wales" is a standard unit of area, approximately equal to 1.3 "Yorkshire". Proposals to replace these with metric units such as the "Belgium" (1.46 Wales) have been fiercely resisted.
Sadly, the obvious qualities of the Welsh have not always been apparent. Welsh people, once out of their principality are affable and friendly and are admired for their sense of humour, their vocal attributes, and rugby football.
The Welsh National Anthem is
Cachu Ar Bloody Sais Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau.
Warning: this section is cruel, and doesn't even consider the psychological harm caused by the crippling Welsh vowel shortage.
So, how does a Welshman find a sheep in long grass?
Ha-rumph. Well, anyway. In other news, archaeologists recently discovered an ancient gravesite in County Galway, Ireland. The funny thing is, among all those presumably Irish dead guys, they also found a Welshman.
"But... how did they know that it was a Welshman?" I hear you ask.
Well, judge for yourselves:
For a more liberal view of the world, it could also have been a New Zealander ;)
In any case, it's sort of sweet. Almost makes you feel bad to joke about it.
Hey, speaking of jokes: What do you call a Welshman with 50 girlfriends?
Does this mean you call someone who saves the Wales a Sea Shepherd?
Q: Why do they have vowels on a Welsh typewriter?
Q: What do they call a sheep tied to a lamppost in Cardifffffffffffffff?
A: A Leisure Centre. (Canolfan Hamdden)
So anyway, I was travelling in Wales this other time, and I was really amazed by the variety of food they have out there. I mean, you have your regular lamb with leeks, and of course Welsh Lamb and all that. But there's also Welsh Lamb Soup with oats, or Welsh Black Lamb Beef, Welsh Lamb Pie, Welsh Lamb Breast with Lamb and Cabbages, Slow Cooked Shoulder of Lamb with Lamb, Lamb and Leeks, and of course the ever-popular but difficult Leg of Welsh Lamb with Lamb, Lamb, Lamb, Cabbages, Lamb, Lamb, Breast of Lamb, Lamb, Leeks and Lamb, all in a nice Coal Sauce. Delicious!
But enough of all this. Midnight UTC is upon us shortly, and Human will exact some horrible vengeance if we keep it up.
So Happy Sheep's Day!
I mean St. David's Day! David's Day!
While all the above jokes made by lightly-educated English people are, of course, immensely appreciated by the Welsh, they also understand that the English desire to make jokes about them is motivated by the deep sense of phonetic insecurity felt by the English when they are obliged to pronounce Welsh place names.
The obvious cringing embarrassment felt by English tourists as they struggle to make something intelligible out of Llanelli, Pontrhydfendigaid, Wrecsam, Cerrigydrudion or Cyffylliog is constant source of near orgasmic joy for many Welsh people.
And when it comes to the granddaddy of them all - Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch - watching their eastern neighbours' linguistic contortions is often too much for the average Welshman to take, and whole pubs of howling laughing Welshmen have frequently decided to take the whole day off to chortle about it.. Sadly, Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch has recently been overtaken in length by another Welsh place name - Llanhyfryddawelllehynafolybarcudprindanfygythiadtrienusyrhafnauole. We wish the English luck. And the English appreciate the wishes of luck. They will need them.
- That day being Sunday, when - until 1996 - the pubs were shut.