Talk:Wine

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Wine song

In the mists of a bygone time, a friend used to sing this song, whose authorship is unknown to me:

There are those who like their wine because it adds sophistication

to that hearty meal they're serving to their friends.

There are those who like their wine because it helps in the creation

of that party feel on which so much depends.

Then there are those who like their wine to come from eastward-facing chateaux

on the plateaus of the Loire and all that bunk,

Their motives are not mine; I like lots and lots of wine,

but I like it 'cause it gets me drunk.

There are those who take a glass because it helps them to relax,

they find it helps their social manner to improve.

It's a jolly useful scheme which I have taken to its logical extreme:

sometimes I get so well relaxed I cannot move.

Then there's another kind of fellow, drinks champagne to get him mellow,

and he swears by Clicquot, Bollinger and Brut.

I tried some Brut myself, I found it on the bathroom shelf,

and he was right, it got me mellow as a newt!

You can gauge your wine by the quality of the vine,

the color, the bouquet, and all that bunk,

But it all comes back to the falling-over factor,

and the fact that it gets you drunk.

There are those who like to think that it's important what they drink,

they haven't got an inkling what it's all about.

They spend their evenings wasting decent drinking time by tasting

drops of this and that and spitting it all out!

They wander up and down the tables, 'strewth, they even read the labels!

muttering things like, "What a pity the cork has shrunk,

Fruity nose, or too much tannin!" when they ought to get a man in

who'd appreciate the chance to get drunk.

They waste their time describing what they ought to be imbibing,

which is wine of course, although you'd never think it,

And they use words like "young but promising, precocious, full of fun!"

Cor! You'd think they were going to adopt the stuff, not drink it!

And at a meal, the silly asses have a row of empty glasses,

a different wine with every dish they eat.

Me? I mix whatever's handy in a stiff all-purpose shandy

that goes very nice with fish or shredded wheat.

You can gauge your wine by the quality of the vine,

the color, the bouquet, and all that bunk,

But it all comes back to the falling-over factor,

and the fact that it gets you drunk.

Then there are those who take delight pronouncing labels right,

they rrroll their R's and use those German glottals.

Me, I couldn't give a monkey's cause the stuff for getting drunk is

on the inside, not the outside of the bottles!

So when you have your cheese and wine, invite your local Philistine.

Call me drunkard, call me sot, or call me wino.

You'll find me in your kitchen, I'll be gigglin' and twitchin'

having a sup and throwing up across your lino.

You can gauge your wine by the quality of the vine,

the color, the bouquet, if you insist,

But it all comes back to the falling-over factor,

and the fact that it gets you...

Mist-y eyed and mellow, gets you maudlin, mawkish,

miserable, (and pissed.)

Neither music nor lyrics by Sprocket J Cogswell (talk) 21:45, 28 July 2013 (UTC)

That's fucking brilliantLongdog (talk) 21:16, 7 September 2014 (UTC)

Abrahamitic religions and wine

What abrahamitic religion besides Islam does forbid wine? Would that be some denominations of Christianity, as Judaism and Catholicism mandate it?--Harkinian (talk) 17:36, 12 April 2016 (UTC)

You mean "Abrahamic." :P

The LDS church and Southern Baptists come to mind. That said, it should be noted that there's a difference between forbidding wine as a leisure activity, and forbidding wine outright. A number of Christian sects who were behind the U.S. Prohibition movement in the Roarin' 20's generally either had exceptions for religious use of wine during communion (indeed, some wineries survived Prohibition by churning out sacramental wine, which may or may not have entirely gone to churches), or believed that the "wine" mentioned in the Bible was actually just grape juice.. ℕoir LeSable (talk) 17:44, 12 April 2016 (UTC)

Grape juice?? How in Jesus Harold Christ' name did they come to that conclusion? According to biblical scholars, there no evidence for that at all.--Harkinian (talk) 18:22, 12 April 2016 (UTC)

Because something something holy something fermentation is death something. ℕoir LeSable (talk) 18:47, 12 April 2016 (UTC)

Jesus Fucking Christ *facepalm* --Harkinian (talk) 18:59, 12 April 2016 (UTC)

Actually...

the Baghdad battery was an early example of the 'how to make your cheapo plonk taste like the best (expensive vintage wine)' scam. Anna Livia (talk) 19:25, 26 November 2019 (UTC)