CLoM » February 2010 Archive

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Symptoms of Mei Volume VII
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Now here's Suffocate For Fuck Sake [1]

--23:56, 23 February 2010 (UTC)

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[ main page ]Warning: Display title "CLoM » Doors" overrides earlier display title "CLoM » Symptoms of Mei Volume VII".

This is a list of things about doors.

  1. doors are either locked or unlocked
  2. if a door is unlocked, you can lock it. Or if it is locked you can unlock it.
  3. you can only do that once. < THIS IS IMPORTANT
  4. most doors start locked and then stay unlocked. You can't decide to shut them later, or if you do you won't be able. If you took one liter of grease and water, and heated it to burning, and rubbed it into your hands, you would experience something close.
  5. some doors start unlocked and then become locked. I eventually decided I liked these doors.
  6. you can only see what is on the other side while it is unlocked.
  7. Locking a door is much simpler. You can go on one side to see what is there, and then come back and lock it.
  8. Doors separate space so that you can think in terms of distinct parts of space without having to keep your mind on more than a handful of variables at one time. The effect is that you can reach conclusions. Doors are not quite like walls, because walls are not permanent. Doors allow us to put up walls. We cut the world into little bits, and then leave it like that. Doors also connect people. If we didn't have doors (and walls) we wouldn't be able to think in a certain way. We pretend that other people are predictable (1) and that they vary in predictable ways (everyone has one door and four walls) (2). < I DON'T BELIEVE YOU. LIAR.
  9. I lock doors

I feel a bit ill (surprise). I'm sure I'll change my mind later.

Goodnight, Log. --Mei

--22:11, 22 February 2010 (UTC)

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Tropes of Mei
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[ main page ]Warning: Display title "CLoM » Tropes of Mei" overrides earlier display title "CLoM » Doors".

--14:11, 22 February 2010 (UTC)

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Today! Volume III
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[ main page ]Warning: Display title "CLoM » Today! Volume III" overrides earlier display title "CLoM » Tropes of Mei".

I have like six Cunning Log posts waiting to be finished and put here, but I keep on not finishing them because I am lazy and I lack discipline. Despite this I intend to post as many of them as possible today. This part explains the title of the post. Some of them are quite interesting and are actually not just me thinking aloud in log form. There is one post about plants.

While you are waiting you can watch this cool video about StarCraft 2 [2].

Or if you're not a geek, you can do something productive and normal, like eating a meal with your wife or writing a play about sectarianism in Ireland.

--13:28, 21 February 2010 (UTC)

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Screaming in text
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[ main page ]Warning: Display title "CLoM » Screaming in text" overrides earlier display title "CLoM » Today! Volume III".








ifeeel illifeelillifeelillifeellilllifeelillifeelillifeelill




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ifeelillifeelillifeelillifeelillifeelillifeelillifeeelillifeel illifeeill













This did not help much.

--19:38, 20 February 2010 (UTC)

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OK I was wrong
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[ main page ]Warning: Display title "CLoM » OK I was wrong" overrides earlier display title "CLoM » Screaming in text".

Today is the day I am going to do things. Definitely.

--13:48, 20 February 2010 (UTC)

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[ main page ]Warning: Display title "CLoM » Today!" overrides earlier display title "CLoM » OK I was wrong".

Today I am going to do things.

--08:51, 19 February 2010 (UTC)

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Symptoms of Mei Volume VI
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[ main page ]Warning: Display title "CLoM » Symptoms of Mei Volume VI" overrides earlier display title "CLoM » Today!".

Actually I think I'm healthy right now.

Wait... no, I have a sore throat.

Now here's Godspeed You! Black Emperor. [3]

--03:12, 10 February 2010 (UTC)

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Shortlist of socks
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[ main page ]Warning: Display title "CLoM » Shortlist of socks" overrides earlier display title "CLoM » Symptoms of Mei Volume VI".

  1. Shamrock socks
  2. Socks with cool stripes
  3. Socks to correct table
  4. Woolly blue socks
  5. Boring white socks
  6. "
  7. "
  8. "
  9. "
  10. Boring gray socks
  11. "
  12. "
  13. Long yellow socks
  14. And some socks that aren't fun to list

--22:09, 5 February 2010 (UTC)

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Play! Volume II
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[ main page ]Warning: Display title "CLoM » Play! Volume II" overrides earlier display title "CLoM » Shortlist of socks".


Our hero Mei has braved several things.

  1. The green canyons
  2. The red canyons
  3. A squiggly kitchen

The squiggly kitchen stopped me for a day or so, but that was ages ago. Atm I’m stuck on map four and sort of disheartened. I have cheated and gone to look at the rest of the maps. Here are some names I invented to summarize them. They are very truthful.

  • Map four - dark factory
  • Map five - very tall platforms
  • Map six - museum of spines
  • Map seven - museum of crosses
  • Map eight - museum of bleeding paper
  • Map nine - huge castle of metal
  • Map ten - huge castle of wood

Five and six look scary. Everything past that looks completely insane. Nine and ten are really really big. I thought map one was quite big, but map one is not big. Map one is petite.


But anyway. I still have to critique map three. Back to map three!


This is map three. Map three contains many rooms, which are mostly separate. I will tackle them separately because I think that makes sense. These are the highlights.

  • 03.1 - This room is square. You find a tiny switch to escape. There are mooks, but I ignore them. This is a good room for smallness. I welcome any fleeting moments of smallness that this game gives me, because in general it is very big.
  • 03.2 - This room is squiggly, and features a big red screen thing. You are pelted with demonic spiders (a continuing theme). This room killed me a lot, but I got through it after a few tries. It’s quite fun.
  • 03.3 - This room is shaped oddly. When you enter, you get a huge welcome party of giant mooks, and one boss in the corner. You’re supposed to get the boss to kill them but because of the squiggly architecture and oddly shaped stairs it’s actually quite a chore. Several times I bounced off an odd shaped wall, or bounced off a step which wasn’t quite low enough to step onto, and got zapped by the boss before I knew what was happening. This is ridiculous. I like the architecture: it’s quite pretty. But this room was blatantly built just to look pretty and then reused as a fight in a videogame. It is not fun to play. It is fun to leave behind.
  • 03.4 - This room features an entirely different design to the ones before it. Instead of grimy kitchen tiles, you get a large wooden house thing. It doesn’t look as nice. I think it looks like it was just tacked on to make the map longer. Mei gets lost here quite a lot.
    • 03.4.1 - You hit three switches in order, and three separate hordes appear. The first is ok. It’s quite fun to play. Quite tense, since your space is limited and the random architecture confuses you.
    • 03.4.2 - The second horde is too much. Unless you’ve actually memorized the layout, you can’t really fight them. They close in and squash you. But at least they don’t have any spiders in them.
    • 03.4.3 - The third horde does have spiders. And about three bosses. For this horde you are given a god mode powerup, which feels kinda cheap. It’s like the designer said ‘I know this fight is impossible but I want to keep it anyway.’ I didn’t fight them: I grabbed the powerup and ran out to the exit. Even that took a few tries, because they just filled all my room and wouldn’t fight each other. Usually if you dodge a bit they attack each other by mistake and thin the crowd, but this time they just worked out their differences through peaceful non-conflict and devoted their energy to blocking my way.
SPIDER1 - Sorry I trod on your foot.
SPIDER2 - It is OK.
SPIDER1 - No really. I was at fault and I apologise.
SPIDER2 - I love you man.


Map four is much prettier, because it’s not over the top or random or particularly squiggly. It’s quite refined and understated and is mainly made out of metal.

I am stuck here, but I like all the metal. Three cheers for the metal.

--09:22, 5 February 2010 (UTC)

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Symptoms of Mei Volume V
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[ main page ]Warning: Display title "CLoM » Symptoms of Mei Volume V" overrides earlier display title "CLoM » Play! Volume II".

I have random needle pains on my palms and the back of my neck. Sometimes they feel like they should be bleeding.

Now here's Chicane! [4]

--07:28, 5 February 2010 (UTC)

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Continuing results of coffee
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[ main page ]Warning: Display title "CLoM » Continuing results of coffee" overrides earlier display title "CLoM » Symptoms of Mei Volume V".

I have decided to conduct more investigations into coffee. This is partly because I can suddenly borrow strange coffees from people... but there’s more to it than that! We also need the words. If you have any spare words lying around please mail them to us.

These new coffees do not continue in strength from where the first list left off. That would be bad for me. Instead these are just coffees. Incidentally the strength of the old type 05 apparently caused a few minutes of time to stop existing, so I never technically drank it. This does not mean I will drink it again. *

  • Type 07, ‘Penguin sphere': I lied. This is not a coffee, it is a can of sprite. And I’m going to drink it. Yes yes yes yes yes.
  • Type 08, ‘Town foam': This one is really nice, and also really coffee. I like it. We should all drink this, probably with breakfast.
  • Type 09, ‘Orange leaf': This one is very strong, which has broken my numbering system. It is stronger than type 04 and also most other coffees that humans drink. It is not stronger than type 05, because it does not violate causality. I would assign it a fractional number but I have forgotten how to do maths because of this coffee.
  • Type 10, ‘Orange leaf': This one is the same as type 09, because of vampiric qualities.
  • Type 11, ‘Hanged saints': I am afraid to drink this coffee because of the name. I have speculated about how nice a coffee with this name could be, and I did not end up anywhere nice.
  • Type 12, ‘Art platform': I drank this one several times because it was difficult to judge. At first it was like it was made of fire, which was not pleasant. So I drank it again with lots of milk and it was nice. Finally I drank it again with 100% milk and no powder and it was even better. This did not feel like a success.

* - We will not discuss type 06.

--04:27, 2 February 2010 (UTC) (UTC)

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Warning: Display title "CLoM » February 2010 Archive" overrides earlier display title "CLoM » Continuing results of coffee".