Conservapedia:What is going on at CP?/February 2010

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And it's official: Canada: 3, U.S.A.: 2, Andy: zero. It is also socialist, liberal, gay-marriage-tolerant Canada's 14th gold medal of the Games, setting a Winter Olympics record. Let the Spinolympics begin.


Linking to this article, Ken has uncoveredimg evidence of scientific progress vast deception.


Andy strokes his chin sagely and adds another priceless insight to the CBP: "interesting conservative connotations: Jesus tells the Apostles to cast their net on the right side of the boat, and only on the right side do they help themselves and others."img Perplexed user: "Er, I'm sure everyone here knows that the terms "right" and "left" to describe politics originated during the early French Republic, right?"img Andy's not buying it: "No, John's use of the word 'right' here is a political statement, because I think it is."img


The president should listen to everyone exceptimg those "hate filled" atheists, of course.


Silly liberal attorneys, there's no need to chase ambulancesimg for clients. Just hang out outside abortion clinics! It's much classier. Update: So now ambulance chasing (as well as bailouts, antilife, and Big Brother, to name a few) are conservative conceptsimg?


In The News - "Today's Tough Economy Means Lots Of "Belt tightening" Except For Amoral Public Schools Evidently. The Elwood Community School in Elwood, Indiana, is using their own matchmaking Web site for fund-raisingimg. The Web site was created by the school, and students in grades six through 10 can find a compatible boyfriend or girlfriend."


Jpatt: "Our prayers are with Dick Cheney while he is in the hospital. Of course, the liberals are praying for different results and not to any God.." AlexWD: "You mean like that conservative Christian pastor who prayed for Obama to die?" Jpatt: "That pastor sounded neither conservative nor Christian, right AlexWD?"img (AlexWD banhammeredimg)


Rob, you'll save time thinking up creative excuses if you just come out and say, "It's because we think Barry Soetoro is a soopah seekrit muslimimg.


"Reading Conservapedia can help you lose weight"img


Gasp! Andy finds conclusive proofimg that Jesus (and millions of other fishermen) was a right winger. So what does that make trawlers? Unfortunately Andy doesn't know that the left half of the brain controls the right side of the body.


Ed Poor creates a category called Movies about football coaches with 11-year-old daughtersimg. What more needs to be said? UPDATE TK decides he don't need none o' that pop cultureimg, but leaves the red linkimg behind anyway.


Ken on mainpage: Atheists are BAD!img


More on Andy logic: Spain has same-sex marriage, socialism, and 20% unemployment. Therefore, Spain hasn't won a Winter Olympic Medalimg! Bonus points that he linked an article about Spain's economy instead of the well being in the Winter Olympics.


Belief in God Helps Relieve Depressionimg. Sure, but so does a double scotch I find. (Or consuming the weed?)


User: Surely under Christian Conservatism there would be no female athletes at all.img Karajou: Shutimg up.img


An arson suspect had books on demons and atheism in his possession. Therefore, he is obviously an atheist.img (Despite the fact that atheists obviously don't believe in demons). Additional: There were also three Bibles. (Not mentioned on CP)


Andy thinks that socialist "control, control, control" hampers the production of good athletes. Being challenged on this, he replies, Statistically speaking,img I have no idea what I'm talking about. UPDATE After getting smacked around Andy declares victory.img UPDATE 2: Andy, seeing his idea soundly falsified, grabs at straws for a save: The Soviet Union doesn't count! It was a COMMUNIST country!img UPDATE 3: Andy is back with a vengeance, and will prove his hypothesis with… Spain.img


Super sycophancy: Dan (the homophobe, you know him) asks Andyimg where news items should go and links to an article(sic) by Mommie Dearest. TK obligesimg. This makes only the second timeimg that story has appeared on the mainpage.


Is there a version of Godwin's Law if you compare someone to Stalinimg?


Andy: Those gay dominators are at it again. The mainstream media are ignoring the Boy Scouts' 100th anniversary,img and to prove it, I'll link to a mainstream media article about the Boy Scouts' 100th anniversary!


Well, that was fast!img


Andy: There is no problem that conservative principles cannot conquer.img Pay no attention to that irrelevant Jesus character; we're justified by conservatism!


No witty comment required for this oneimg


Andy seamlessly links losing a hockey match to homosexuality and socialismimg


Jpatt grabs photoimg from website, willfully ignoring purpose of said website


One revert makes a right: Andy: "Conservatives would never appear in a movie with sex! Contrary to our values!" User: "They would. Example."img ASchlafly: "Shhh!"img


Shocking, earth shattering news! A conference of conservatives opposes the Obama administrationimg! Up next: water is wet.


Andy is outraged that the big bad lib-burr-ulls at Wikipedia are hiding the massive scandal about Obama's teleprompter use!img Of course, they're also hiding the story about Republican Presidents using teleprompters.


"Ed liveblogs a movie", Wiki Crossover Edition: Ed declares WP a failure: "It's errors like this that make Wikipedia useless as a reference source."img Thank God for Conservapedia, where he can highlight conservative values like "integrity and concern for one's fellow man"img and "liberal platitudes"img in the movie


Schlafly Sympathy in actionimg: An elderly Democratic senator has stomach cancer, which is regrettable. But on the bright side, the state now has a RINO Republican Governor who gets to replace him when he croaks!


The trustworthy encyclopedia finds more trustworthy sourcesimg.


Andy can't decide whether "polar coordinates" is a liberal or conservative term.....seriouslyimg.


For a conservative, TK don't know much about shotgunsimg Here's a free lesson. Update: Pointing out semi-auto shotguns is worth a blockimg.


Newsflash: hares are less social than rabbitsimg. Details at eleven, with your anchor, Ed.


Has Hell frozen over? Twice? Andy passes up the chance to scold Liberals, and has a perfectly rational reason whyimg What is happening to the irrational lunatic we know and love?


NO! Even mathimg has been corrupted by liberals. What can we do?


TK read between the linesimg and found the word 'liberal' in this article


A soldier didn't die!img So it's obviously JC's doing. What about all those that did die? was that JC's fault too?


Andy: Being a liberal keeps you youngimg!


Andy lays down the key to Obama (and future president Bob McDonnell's) electoral success...heightimg Update: They also share another electoral quality...NOT being Hillary Clintonimg


Can you all see the word 'Saint' in this sentence? OK, how about now?img


Poor Jesus. Andy has him saying "Listen up"img in his project that's embarrassing to even Christian conservatives Conservative Bible.


Great news! Ken's pimping of his pet articles is going strong! That video by NephilimFree now has more than more than 6,000 views!img To put this into perspective, this video of a cat driving a Roomba is just a few months older and has received more than 4,000,000 hits. Keep up the good fight, Ken!


Oh noes! Bill Clinton watched the "un-American" High Noon 20 timesimg!! Of course, no mention from the same source that Ike watched it thrice and was "riveted". Oh and Andy, besides Clinton-bashing, why keep an "un-American" movie in the "Greatest Conservative Movies" list?


Conservapedia refutes old naturalistic scientific theory on the origins of life with a new oneimg


Fashion designer guy kills himselfimg three days after his mother dies, but it's down to him being gay. Way to exploit the depression of others to your own political ends, Andy. You tit.


A law has been passed in South Carolina, requiring terrorists to register with the state. "It's absolutely incredible that we have these guys running our government!"img. Indeed. Incredible.


A new Andy Insight™!img


Uh-oh: The Schlafly brothers are at it again!img Andy: Galaxies colliding is atheism, not science.img Roger: Are you serious?img Andy: Yes. It's not science's job to predict things.img Moare: Andy suddenly decides that information he recently called "unsupported, implausible, atheistic liberal junk" isn't so bad after allimg (as long as you don't use the word "billions").


"There will be no curiosity, no enjoyment of the process of life. All competing pleasures will be destroyed. But always— do not forget this, Winston— always there will be the intoxication of power, constantly increasing and constantly growing subtler. Always, at every moment, there will be the thrill of victory, the sensation of trampling on an enemy who is helpless. If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face— forever.img" says JacobB. Of course, the caveat applies: "If the universe lasts that long!"img


Astronomy á là Aschlafly: 11-13 billion years ago Once upon a time, in a galaxy 2.51 ± 0.13 million light years far, farimg away...


The Countdownimg to BMcP's banning continues. Will today be the day? Update: Another one bites the 3 billion year old 6,000 year old dustimg. Update 2: 3....2....1....Godspeed!img


Finallyimg TK passes along the RW suggestion.


And lo, it came to pass; Andy finally reverts all BMcP's nonsense about the universe being more than 6000 years oldimg and the utter claptrap about celestial objects being lightyears away.img Is this the end of BMcP?


DouglasA and Uncle Ed engage in some self-congratulatory banterimg as they show off their Shakespearean erudition about the phrase "methinks the lady doth protest too much" from Macbeth. Which is to say, Hamlet.


Gibbs mocks Palin's notes written on hand. ANDY: Liberals' antics are childishimg!! I mean, what kind of juvenile ass mocks someoneimg for usingimg notes whileimg speaking inimg publicimg?


Ed's cryptic stubs grow ever more ominousimg.


AWOL? Or at least Away without any notice: RJJensenimg - CP's real prof and usually an industrious insomniac - Didn't edit for 17 days. (returned 12 Feb).


Jpatt reads too much into an NPR articleimg about a billboard that no one has claimed responsibility for, to claim that Bush's popularity is making a comeback. Soon he may be more popular than Nixon?


DMorris is jealous of TK's power.img UPDATE: TK responds with a giant middle fingerimg


It's not much of a surprise to anyone but Ken that Conservapedia's web traffic has increased since 2000img...perhaps because the site was created in 2006img


TK asserts that just stating a doctrine doesn't make it the Word of God... and proves said statement by quoting from Paul's epistlesimg.


TK's fine with buying food supplies for Afghanistan...but not actually paying to send them there!img


Andy's delusions continue: 33% of Iowans support the Tea Party movement. Can any future candidate win without their support?img Ask someoneimg who beat their champion.img


Ed Poor, 4 December 2008: Ian McKellen's take on the Bible is gossip and doesn't belong on CP.img User on 7 February 2010: Ian McKellen's extreme opinion is that he's an atheist and against capital punishment!img Oh, and that gossip thing again.img


Yes Ed, I'm sure that's a mistake we'll all make.img


It's Sunday, so that means another Andy insig- No! Wait! OMG! It's a Terry Koeckritz insight!img Oh wait... no it's not. It's been plagiarised from these guys.


Conservative makes 10 edits to trash talk Obama for not firing Harry Knox, a member of the administration's coalition for faith-based initiatives. Knox is known for having a tolerant, rational view of equality regardless of sex or sexual orientation, and he recently came under fire for speaking out against Emperor Palpatine. Ten edits and the result is a redundant tirade riddled with grammar errors. What more is needed to "insure"img (sic) the perception of CP as the lunatic fringe? Update: CP sysops prefer to leave their grammar in its errant state after a liberal user kindly points out the typo.


Karajou makes yet more comedy goldimg in this weak week's toon.


DouglasA's heart is in the rightimg placeimg. Sadly, we all know that'll result in death by Terry Koeckritz.


Terry Koeckritz makes RickDimg an unperson.img


Arresting and shackling a twelve-year-old for petty vandalism is "tyranny"img, according to Andy "FBI Incident" Schlafly.


Conservapedia for Dummies Chapter Three: How to Adjust the Truth. User: "Conservative bias exists. Can we make one 'political' bias page?"img JacobB: "That's silly. Liberal bias is a serious problem. Liberals deny they have a liberal bias and twist facts to fit their bias. Besides, everyone knows that people Google 'liberal bias' more than just 'bias'."img "Besides, a page on 'conservative bias' is pejorative, and we can't have that on a conservative-biased site."img RickD: "Liberals are incorrigible liars, unlike conservatives. Objectively, liberals are the worst liars."img TeaKakkke: "I'll delete conservative bias because a dirty liberal made the article."img Lies,img and bullying.img


Karajou thinks there is no room in "Chiristianity" for liars.img


Andy cries Liberal interferenceimg when a six year old child is suspended for taking live ammunition to school.


RobSmith really doesn'timg like Presidentimg Barack Obamaimg


This would only ever happen in one of those liberal-progressive countriesimg...wouldn't it?. UPDATE: User questions, Andy replies with a totally unrelated question of his ownimg. Career Limiting Move: No, JacobB, you're supposed to agreeimg with Andy.


Conservative predicts that theist bullies will crush defenseless atheistsimg in the first round of a Texas steel cage death match debate in Godless Canada.


TeaKakkke thinks it's absurd that the U.S. Census wants personal information.img


Gambling: Highly addictive and can threaten the addict's capacity for a normal, healthy life.img Except, that is, when Obama advises people not to "blow a bunch of cash in Las Vegas," at which point it of course becomes every red-blooded right-winger's duty to do just that.img


Criticizing a Democratic idea with politically-incorrect language: Perfectly fine for Republicans, but a big no-no for Democrats.img


Must be a slow news day, if Andy can only point at a "gossipy" WP articleimg. Funny thing is, whenever I think of gossipy wiki articles, there's only oneimg that comes to mind.


Resident parodist JacobB helpfully removes references to an old universeimg. Er... actually make that any reference to any age whatsoever, even "older" Population II stars are verboten. UPDATE: The authorimg doesn't approveimg, but JacobB isn't hearing it.img


TeaKakkke in big bold letters on the front page: "Barack Obama Seeks $1.1 Trillion Tax Hike!"img The FoxNews article reports, "President would increase taxes on some businesses and wealthy individuals by a total of about $1.4 trillion over the next decade, while cutting taxes for workers and other businesses by about $330 billion." Isn't that what he campaigned to do, TK?


User: "Jesus performing a miracle healing seems to violate the second law of thermodynamics."img Andy: "Do you believe eating an apple to feel better, or taking an aspirin to alleviate a headache, also violates the Second Law of Thermodynamics?"img


Eek! President Obama's hatching another commie plot to turn the public schools into his own personal breeding ground for a private army of left-wing Alinsky socialist schoolchildren! (Of course, a Hitler Youth poster is a perfect illustration for this shocking piece of news.img)


Remember, folks: It's only all right to snatch kids off the street and spirit them across international boundaries to your hotel orphanage if you're a Baptist wingnut from Idaho.img


A U.S. Air Force Academy decides to show their respect of freedom of religion by establishing a Wiccan prayer circle. Jpatt's response: OH NOEZ!! We must coexist with evilimg. Followed by an incredibly lame pictureimg bought to you by TKimg. MOAR Insanity! A user challenges the headline: But the Air Force is just providing a place for cadets to worship, there is no mentioning of the Air Force adopting Wiccan practiceimg. TK: Yeah, we conservatives have "common sense."img Jpatt: Amen to that. The headline will stay as it isimg. User: You're not getting my point hereimg.