Forum:What is left for me?

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How did you feel when you found out the truth? How did you feel when everything finally fell in place? Because what I felt, at least at first, was an incredible dread, something that I had never felt before in my life: complete and utter despair, along with a new sensation of what could probably be described as "horror", and from that moment on my life was never the same again, no matter how hard I tried to keep it together, no matter how much I wanted to deny it, no matter how much I wanted to "just live". At one moment I'm having a normal day, and at the next something...just happens, if I had an ounce of poet inside of me I could probably describe it better, that horrid sensation of everything coming together and something else shattering irreparably forever: on one hand, I just couldn't believe that something I held so dear, something that I grew up believing was good and essential to every human being could lead to something as dreadful as this, and on the other, that little spot of blind hope that was always there in the back of my mind, suddenly was no more. It started from there, and then it just snowballed, more and more, expanding to different areas, and it kept going on.

What is my life now? what has my life been ever since? God, I'm absolutely miserable. There is not a single day I don't think about it, about what we are, it doesn't scares me anymore, but it fills me with an immense sadness. It's painful, everything is, I understand that pain and emptiness is all we ARE in the end, but we try to hide it, to sugarcoat it, well, I can't do much but surrender utterly to it, I'm tired of desperately looking for a light, there wont be relief for me, no hope. One day I'll simply cease to exist, but the moments right before that, among the pain and despair, this painful life, and all of its horrors, will feel like nothing more than a nightmare.

This "truth" I have with me, this understanding feels so dangerous, so evil even, that I just can't bring myself to share it with anyone I love, it feels like a cruelty. I see people living happily and peacefully on their illusions and I feel glad for them, I feel glad that they are ignorant of...of THIS, and when I see other people working so hard to shatter their illusions I can't help but wonder why, do they really understand what it feels like, to be stripped of every single hope? do they have their own illusions but believe them to be real? are they simply full of malice themselves? I grew up believing that the truth was the most important thing, that comfortable lies are worthless, we must research, I thought, we must question everything, we must tear down all the lies in this world. Where did it lead me? to an everlasting nightmare, was it worth it? I do not wish this on anyone. How could something so good, I thought, something that was supposed to lead us to the light, lead us to the darkest pit instead? But then I understood that this, this was the light, the brightest, most terrible light.

When I was very young, this world, this life, seemed like an unnecessary unpleasantry: It's meaningless, for when we die we go to heaven, where we can get all we want, where all the people that ever suffered find joy; It's painful, we suffer, everyone does, even the most privileged lives are condemned to suffer and are subject to the randomness of life (or god's special plan, if you will) and in the end their suffering is just unnecessary and irrelevant. I found a "solution" to this: death, death of every single living thing in the entire world, no one left to suffer, no one left to mourn, no one left to do evil.

There is no god, there won't be any joy, this is all there is, the unnecessary, meaningless life full of pain, the solution is till the same.

And I condemned myself to live like this, for the rest of my days.

What is left for me?— Unsigned, by: Imdyingto / talk / contribs

What is left? Maybe learning, how to sign your posts on wikis?--Kugelschreiber (talk) 18:34, 14 February 2016 (UTC)
Good one. Well, what is left for you? What is always left is your choice to turn back and embrace the coward's way out into whatever gives some spiritual meaning to life. Nobody forces you to accept the truth. Or you could take your thoughts to the logical conclusion ("I found a "solution" to this: death, death of every single living thing in the entire world, no one left to suffer, no one left to mourn, no one left to do evil.") and join some primitivist's commune or if you want to get famous (and therefore some fake meaning to life), take a more extreme approach (Warning: no recommendation or approval before someone gets the wrong idea - I'm merely mentioning it because the OP semi-advocated total genocide). I just hope nobody gets harmed (and that I don't live in your area...) and that your jail bed is comfortable. However I believe your "solution" to be egotistical for obvious reasons. You could just simply wait (which would be way beyond your lifetime) because life on earth won't be sustainable for eternity anyway.
Realistically, just sleep over it, watch a funny movie or play a video game for kids. - NameThatNobodyTakes (talk) 23:03, 14 February 2016 (UTC)
First, if you are considering suicide, use the resources at the top of suicide.
Second, most atheists find meaning in some form of secular morality or in love/work/literature/science/art and other "worldly" things. If what you do exists beyond your death -- if it morally matters or if your writings can shape minds years and years from now -- this, too, may be a kind of immortality.
There's lot's of literature from atheists on the meaning of life in an atheist world -- try reading some, see if anything sticks.
Good luck on your journey. FuzzyCatPotato of the Unpopular Nobs (talk/stalk) 23:09, 14 February 2016 (UTC)
"it doesn't scares me anymore"
I read that in Popeye's voice. Fonzie (talk) 23:59, 14 February 2016 (UTC)