Fun talk:Fart
Here's the Good News, even if you fart in a crowded elevator, Jesus will love you anyway. RobS 01:26, 15 September 2009 (UTC)
- I don't believe in Jesus. Do you think TK would love me if I farted under the covers?
01:31, 15 September 2009 (UTC)
- I heard Andrew Schlafly cannot fart because he has no anus. Any truth to that? Ace McWickedModel 500 01:33, 15 September 2009 (UTC)
- He farts out his mouth though, in the form of a laugh that sounds like a sissy school girl. NotHuman 01:34, 15 September 2009 (UTC)
- If ye see my Liberal Protection Suit, Andy Schlafly specifically had his suit designed to retain the smell of his farts so he could enjoy them. SJ Debaser 19:33, 15 September 2009 (UTC)
- Nice one, Rob. Is that in Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John? Just curious. I thought Jesus said "please to walk outside the campfire circle if ye need to relieve your bum of foul gasses, lest your friends take it personally". ħuman
03:41, 15 September 2009 (UTC)
- I'd say it's an extrapolation of 1 Corinthians 1:21-23 & 2:14 [1]. RobS 23:46, 17 October 2009 (UTC)
- That's really pushing it. But, yes, we have it on good authority that Jesus, um, turned the other nostril until the air cleared and did not judge "he who dealt it" unfairly. ħuman 01:07, 18 October 2009 (UTC)
- Ok, Human, here's your chance to give a good non-liberal comiie agitprop literal translation to this passage of scripture: "My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him" Song of Solomon 5:4 RobS 04:32, 18 October 2009 (UTC)
- You mean "My lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him." NIV? I don't know who added the fart jokes to your liberal translation. ħuman 19:55, 27 October 2009 (UTC)
- Bzzzz.Wrong. Obviously Hebrew is not your first or even second language. In this idiom, a latch consists of a slot which a bolt fits into, but the reference here is only to the slot, or female receptacle. "Bolt" was the common street idiom for the male member which fits into the slot, or "hole by the door." This passage does refer to penetration by "his hand, and my bowels were moved for him" (not being a woman or gay, I couldn't attest to the sensation). So the KJV quit literally means exactly what it says. The Lord does indeed work in mysterious ways when he provides opportunities like this to share the Word of God with the lost. RobS 19:21, 28 October 2009 (UTC)
- They had glory holes back then? — Sincerely, Neveruse513 / Talk / Block 19:36, 28 October 2009 (UTC)
- Bzzzz.Wrong. Obviously Hebrew is not your first or even second language. In this idiom, a latch consists of a slot which a bolt fits into, but the reference here is only to the slot, or female receptacle. "Bolt" was the common street idiom for the male member which fits into the slot, or "hole by the door." This passage does refer to penetration by "his hand, and my bowels were moved for him" (not being a woman or gay, I couldn't attest to the sensation). So the KJV quit literally means exactly what it says. The Lord does indeed work in mysterious ways when he provides opportunities like this to share the Word of God with the lost. RobS 19:21, 28 October 2009 (UTC)
- You mean "My lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him." NIV? I don't know who added the fart jokes to your liberal translation. ħuman
- Ok, Human, here's your chance to give a good non-liberal comiie agitprop literal translation to this passage of scripture: "My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him" Song of Solomon 5:4 RobS 04:32, 18 October 2009 (UTC)
- That's really pushing it. But, yes, we have it on good authority that Jesus, um, turned the other nostril until the air cleared and did not judge "he who dealt it" unfairly. ħuman
- I'd say it's an extrapolation of 1 Corinthians 1:21-23 & 2:14 [1]. RobS 23:46, 17 October 2009 (UTC)
- He farts out his mouth though, in the form of a laugh that sounds like a sissy school girl. NotHuman 01:34, 15 September 2009 (UTC)
- I heard Andrew Schlafly cannot fart because he has no anus. Any truth to that? Ace McWickedModel 500 01:33, 15 September 2009 (UTC)
Fart denial[edit]
I was out today with my friends at a theme park and we were waiting in line for a ride when my mate says "did someone fart?" It wasn't actually me! Someone accused him and he did the exact thing this article describes - denied, on the grounds that he would not have drawn attention to it if he had farted. Or did he bring it up to avoid suspicion in the first place...? It boggles the mind! SJ Debaser 19:45, 15 September 2009 (UTC)
- He who denied it, supplied it. Totnesmartin 14:42, 1 November 2009 (UTC)
- Somehow, I reckon Fart Denial would make an absolutely awesome parody of most denialism...
moral 14:47, 1 November 2009 (UTC)
- Somehow, I reckon Fart Denial would make an absolutely awesome parody of most denialism...
- He who denied it, supplied it. Totnesmartin 14:42, 1 November 2009 (UTC)
lighting farts[edit]
serves a dual purpose:
- entertainment
- odor elimination
discuss amongst yourselves, as I am leaving and never coming back. — Sincerely, Neveruse513 (Dictated But Not Read) / Talk / Block 20:04, 15 September 2009 (UTC)
Types[edit]
Should this article not also list significant fart subtypes, such as:
- Stepping on a frog
- Treading on a duck
- Silent but deadly
- Atom bomb
? CrundyTalk nerdy to me 13:23, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
- There are really only two true types of farts. One: your farts. Two: Somebody else's farts. For more info, consult "The Fart Book" by Donald Wetzel. Chair tater (talk) 10:49, 8 November 2015 (UTC)
Global warming[edit]
"Both carbon dioxide and methane contribute to global warming, though the amount contributed from farts (and burps) is probably minor" - probably!!!???? Surely somebody can work out the contribution based on fart gas %ages and volumes compared to the total global emissions. And what about cows? They fart even more. --Annanoon (talk) 10:50, 7 March 2019 (UTC)