Template:Cover abstract/Alex Jones

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Alex Jones

Alex Jones, staring down some NWO stooges.

Alexander Emerick Jones (b. 1974—imminent FEMA takeover) is a batshit crazy radio entertainer who specializes in making up conspiracy theories to amuse his audience. He is the world's most powerful conspiracy pusher: his shows draw millions of views weekly. Any time anything interesting happens anywhere on Earth, there's a 100% chance that Jones has found "proof" that it is either (1) a false flag operation by the New World Order (NWO) or (2) a "massive coverup operation" run by the New World Order (NWO). No exceptions.

Like all good showmen, you must understand his early work to truly appreciate his art: Jones got his start in 1995 on Access TV in Austin. Jones first hit the limelight with Y2K. And he was ready: grunting about the end of money, reporting on millions of deaths worldwide, and shilling for his survivalist's shop called "The Hardware Store": guns, ammo, MREsWikipedia's W.svg and 8-stage water filtration systems. And we all awoke on 01 January 2000 to… absolutely nothing. Most Texans assumed he was done. Then 9/11 swooped in and bailed the charlatan out. Then Obama became the anti-Christ of choice. Then Trump became Jones' best pal.

In short: Jones has been predicting the end of the world for 22 years. And it gets worse from there. Goat help us all.