User:Ikanreed/Drafts/Woo glossary
Word or concept | |
Real definition | Distorted pseudoscience meaning |
Chemical | |
A substance made of atoms bonded together. That is to say every single liquid, solid, or gas in the entire universe. | Bad stuff. A thing added by an evil mustachioed man in a lab coat from a glowing beaker to otherwise healthy non-chemical things.
There was a study a few years back that said the umbilical chord of the average American baby has over 200 known chemicals in it. Isn’t that amazing? We’re putting our babies behind the proverbial 8 ball before they’re even born![1] |
Crystal | |
A mineral characterized by repeating patterns of chemical bonds in a homogeneous substance. These repeating bonds tend to cause the mineral to have a regular shape at macroscopic scales.
The positive/negative pattern of ions in table salt causes it to form into cubic crystals, and the weak hydrogen bonding of polarized water molecules cause snowflake crystals to form with 6 sides. |
Pretty stones, often ones that aren't actually crystalline. But pretty stones that somehow have "energy"(see woo definition below) and/or healing properties. How hanging a regular lattice of carbon and silicon atoms around your neck causes cold viruses in your bloodstream to die is an exercise left for the reader.
Violet clusters of crystals line the inside of towering geodes to create a truly magnificent sight to behold. Through connecting the higher chakras of the third eye and crown, Amethyst is known to be a powerful reliever of stress, tension, anxiety and emotional turmoil[2] |
Consciousness | |
The state of somatic and sensory awareness. The ability to recognize and differentiate stimuli.
The patient regained consciousness 6 hours after the impact |
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Energy | |
A measure of potential, in various forms, to do work. The "measure" part is important.
A typical rechargeable AA battery contains enough energy to lift a 1 kilogram weight 1 kilometer high |
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Healing | |
While there is no single, strict, and scientific definition of "heal", within medicine there is a more specific term "wound healing".
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Often used to mean "treatment", when engaging in some kind of (probably very expensive) bullshit. It can be used in fake medical realms for any of the following:
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Negative Ion | |
An atom or molecule, that has more electrons than protons, giving it a net-negative charge. Sometimes paired with a positive ion to create a neutral molecule.
Table salt is the chemical Na(+)Cl(-) created when the sodium atom donates an electron to complete the electron configuration of the chlorine, and the two now-opposite-charge ions are drawn to eachother. |
They come from "nature", unlike their positive variants which come from electromagnetic fields. Don't worry about the conservation of mass, the spare electrons produced by evil cell phone towers take the train out the park. They're good for you. You might think that given the highly reactive nature of isolated ions, they'd cause some kind of harm: breaking bonds inside your cells, but actually, they increase serotonin. How? Don't worry. It's magic. It'll make you happy. |
Quantum | |
Laws and principles of physics related to the phenomenon that, at very small scales, energy can only be emitted or absorbed at specific sizes and intervals.
The reason fire burns green when you include block of salt is that the quanta separating electron energy levels in sodium chloride molecules match the wavelength of green light. |
Magic.
Homeopathy works because water has quantum memory. |
Toxin | |
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Vibration | |
An object or phenomenon that displays simple harmonic oscillation on one or more axes. In other words, vibrations are things literally moving back and forth. All vibrations have two characteristic measures associated with them: amplitude, the distance traveled each cycle, and frequency, how many cycles complete per unit of time.
After tuning the piano, the string for the middle C key exhibited a vibration at 261 hertz |
A supernatural connection of non-specific nature, connecting how you feel to how things work. A kind of extreme form of magical thinking where your mood literally determines what's real.
Everything is energy. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics. — NOT[7] Albert Einstein, even though hundreds of new age sites and books attribute it to him. |
References[edit]
- ↑ Some bullshit page selling some bullshit to cleanse your poor baby from all those chemicals
- ↑ Some bullshit-laden store
- ↑ Twenty spiritual lessons for creating the life you want
- ↑ The truth about cancer These people should be in jail
- ↑ Just the first search result on Natural News for "healing"
- ↑ Remove toxins from your fat cells, some bullshitter site named "lifespa", pitching their supplement that just happens to fix that exact problem.
- ↑ Quote investigator page on the origin of the phrase