Bronze-level articleKookmobile

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Kookmobile, seen here featuring a "ship's mast" style nut pole. Obligatory 666 symbolism is also present.
Some dare call it

Conspiracy

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What THEY don't want
you to know!
Sheeple wakers
Not to be confused with the establishment kookmobile. For the other type of nut pole, see here.
BENGHAZI FOUR DEAD! 9-11-12!
HONK TO IMPEACH OBAMA! TREASON
—Kookmobile word salad (Poe's Law in full effect)[1]

A kookmobile is a vehicle plastered with what a normal person — never mind a traffic cop — would likely consider to be an excess amount of signs, stickers, ropes, flags, ornaments or other displays intended to advertise the driver's views to the public in the most lucid and convincing way possible.

Kookmobiles may also sometimes incorporate a so-called nut pole, i.e. a metal or wooden mast (often outfitted with various ropes and wires) from which signage, flags, or other displays may be affixed.

Drivers of kookmobiles (especially those bearing nut poles) may rightfully be assumed to be armed and dangerous cranky, and should therefore be given a wide berth.

Contents

[edit] Identifying a kookmobile

Kookmobiles are not to be confused with art cars;Wikipedia's W.svg the former expressly make political or religious statements in a nutty fashion, whereas the latter are primarily humorous and/or artistic in nature.

The same risk of misidentification is also inherent for ham radio cars,[2] parade floats, and regular old sailing boats (which only make their way up on land in order to mate).

[edit] What's kookin', mama?

Out of gas? No problem. Raise the sails.
—An easily overlooked boon of having invested in a sufficiently tall nut pole[3]

Kookmobiles (especially the flagship variants that boast mighty nut poles) can be understood as the crank element of society entering the already bloated American bumper sticker war.

Most kookmobile displays involve Jesus and the Bible; however, adornments featuring everything from 9/11 conspiracies to Second Amendment themes have been spotted in the wild.

Just like with ocean-going ships — which may signal the condition and nationality of the vessel using a flag system — so the kookmobile signs-and-doodads signal the relative level of psychiatric undertreatment of the vehicle's owner.

[edit] Stickers say the darndest things

One Idaho couple created a kookmobile specializing in anti-gay messages. They told reporters they painted the insults on the side of their truck to "make sure they were getting their message across wherever they went".

Various errors and misspellings are a common feature of kookmobile signage. Some of the ethically dubious messages seen on this particular couple's kookmobile include: "Homosexuality is a sin & a [sic] abomination", "Just say NO to gay marriage" and — in a middle finger to Nietzsche — "God's not dead!" (or perhaps a salute to the awful film).[4]

A (for that state, highly typical) Pennsylvania man created a Trump-themed kookmobile that included the message: "Trump 4 Presadent". When asked why he misspelled the word "president", he claimed that "everyone else is spelling it wrong".

Note that this particular kookmobile featured no lack of deluxe nut pole items, including necessities of the road such as:[5]

  • A tiki torch
  • A Hulk Hogan statue
  • An exterior speaker system playing farm animal sounds
  • Stuffed animal dolls
  • Tiger slippers
  • A Halloween basket
  • A set of condiments
  • Several fly swatters

An Ohio Tea Party enthusiast reportedly spent $32,000 to create his dream kookmobile. Jesus is conspicuously absent; however the vehicle features luxurious twin nut poles[6] flying gigantic Trump and "Don't Tread On Me" flags, a "9-11 pilgrimage" display, as well as "Not A Gun Free Zone" and "Impeach Obama" slogans. [7]

A Michigan Trump supporter created the "Trump Unity Bridge," to "heal a fractured nation," and drove it across half the country to the Trump Inauguration. The bridge included signs like "LOCK HER UP 2017," demonstrating a deep belief in bridging the divide between people who supported making "her" president and Trump supporters.[8] The bridge itself is uniquely famous - it was notably stolen and recovered 20 miles from its initial location 2 years prior to becoming the "Unity Bridge."[9]

[edit] The Godmobile

One well-known kookmobile has been a popular Milwaukee, Wisconsin fixture for at least 25 years. Known as the "Godmobile", it's operated by a local character called "Brother Ron".[10]

There have been several versions of the vehicle over the years. All are completely covered in verses and sayings, such as "GOD HAS A DRESS CODE; LADIES NO PANTS"…"FAGS AN DIKES; DEMONS GOD DISLIKS"...and "THE US LIB GOV'T TERRY TODAY, YOU TOMORROW. IS NO BETTER THEN THE A.C.L.U. IF WE STARVE TERRY SHIAVO TO Death". At various times the Godmobile has sported a jaunty central nut pole, a sandwich board sign, an array of creepy baby dolls, giant plastic Christmas candles, a world globe, and a giant megaphone strapped to the roof (à la The Blues Brothers) from which the occupant shouts diatribes at the public.

Brother Ron's kookmobile even has its own Yelp page.[11]

[edit] Kookmobile gallery

[edit] See also

[edit] References

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