Examples of Satan personally killing people
| Light iron-age reading The Bible |
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| Gabbin' with God |
| Analysis |
| Woo |
| Figures |
This is the full list of people that were killed by Satan himself, according to the Old and New Testament books of the Bible. He's a long way behind God on this one.
Killings by Satan
| Fatalities | Crime | Method used | Biblical reference | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Sarah, wife of Abraham. | Satan felt that Sarah had been too doubtful of God when she internally laughed at his foretelling of her birthing of Isaac. | Cardiac arrest. | None - it's Judeo-Christian tradition, and as there's no reference, it might not even be a real instance of Satan killing someone | Strictly speaking, this was an inadvertent, rather than intentional, homicide. Even though this Genesis chapter is about Sarah's death, its Hebrew title translates to "Life of Sarah." |
| Job's children and servants (who were possibly slaves). | Satan thought Job wasn't as good as he looked and when trouble and death came he would renounce his belief so God told him he could test him. God allowed Satan to kill Job's children and servants to test Job in order to see how righteous he was, for no other particular reason, without thinking about the people who died, treating them as merely confiscated possessions. | Slaughter by the Sabeans, lightning strikes, and slaughter by Chaldean raiders. | Job 1:13-22 | Again, it was completely condoned, if not ordered, by God, and only for the purpose of their little bet. In this scenario, it is really the equivalent of God killing them himself. |
Other examples would be greatly appreciated - assuming you can find any. We can't!
Erm, that's it
Yep, that's all, possibly the then-second-holiest-human and one guy's wife, kids, and servants, and even those were on a contract basis so God could test Job. A feeble record for the Prince of All Evil™.[note 1]
Then again, the way Satan is perceived differs widely over the Abrahamic spectrum. In Judaism "Ha-Satan" (which means "the Satan"!) is an angel subservient to God, as demonstrated in the Book of Job, and according to folklore this "Ha-Satan" may be the angel Samael, whose name means "Venom of God", who acted as God's prosecution lawyer, testing humanity's fidelity to God and then punishing them on-high. Why God would need to test you when allegedly He already knows every fucking thing about you is yet another mystery. Maybe as Satan himself says in The Devil's Advocate, he's a tight-ass and a sadist (great movie by the way). Judaism also sees (Ha-)Satan as the angel of death and humanity's innate inclination to do evil. Try to make that make sense.
Christianity makes confusion of the Book of Job, as chronologically, Job's "the Accuser" (the Hebrew 'Ha-Satan') couldn't be Satan who by that time had already rebelled against God shortly after God's creation of Adam and Eve, if John Milton is to be believed at any rate.
And please note that there was only one way that Satan could kill ANY person whosoever: Following God's orders Requesting permission from God. According to the Bible, God is the only entity with the power of life and death. Wars, murderers, disasters — these are all considered to be instruments of God. Yet, for some reason, believers tend to blame wars and murders (and sometimes disasters)[note 2]) on the workings of Satan.[note 3]
So, who seems to be the nicer one? God or Satan? There's only one way to find out: Fight![note 4][note 5][note 6]
See also
Notes
- ↑ Well, Satan is facing tough choices because front-running people's afterlife by killing them isn't exactly an evil deed, from the perspective of an immortal (the effect is simply moving them from one place to another).
- ↑ E.g., Pat Robertson's proclamations that certain disasters are brought on by the presence of homosexuality, Mardi Gras, jazz music, etc. (Oh, wait! Maybe disasters actually qualify as the Wrath of God. Or not. It's all so confusing. But, then, God doesn't want us thinking too much about this. That's what faith is for. So, never mind.)
- ↑ At least those believers who do not resort to imprecatory prayer
- ↑ For those who don't get it, look up Harry Hill.
- ↑ Bible Fight allows you to take the role of the one and beat the shit out of the other.Protip: complete the tournament to unlock God.
- ↑ Scribblenauts allows you to get God and Satan to fight in Scribblenauts. Try it yourself.