Fun:Christmas
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Tired of laughing? RationalWiki has a slightly more serious article about Christmas. |
Christmas is the holiday celebrating the birth of the Baby Jesus. Liberals make Baby Jesus cry with their War on Christmas. Baby Jesus hates liberal deceit. Liberals use Christmas as an excuse to give money to the poor and exchange gifts with each other, which is Communism. Gifts are exchanged on a "to each according to his needs, from each according to his ability" basis. This ideology is straight out of the Stalinist gulags of Soviet Russia.
Santa Claus is a jolly old man dressed in red, which is the color of Communism. He lives at the North Pole. The North Pole is pretty close to Russia and North Korea. NORAD has to track Santa's flights every year because he is probably a Soviet spy. Santa is an anagram of Satan. Gifts given at Christmas include violent video games, Dungeons and Dragons, Satanic rock music CDs, filthy bestsellers with foul language, Harry Potter, The God Delusion, and Star Wars action figures. Baby Jesus hates Star Wars because it teaches witchcraft. All of these cause an itchy rash... of liberal deceit around the time of Christmas. Not satisfied with that, the God-hating liberals have stopped calling it Christmas altogether. They now call it "The Holidays" or "Seasons Greetings".
Christmas songs[edit]
There is a long tradition in both religious and secular music of piously celebrating the approaching disputed hopelessly incorrect historically-established anniversary of the birth of the infant Jesus in song. These are some of the all-time much-loved tear-jerking provoking favorites, and some little-known stuff:
- Buster Bailey, Santa Claus Blues
- Kyle Broflovski, I'm a Jew on Christmas
- Jimmy Butler, Trim your tree
- Clarence Carter, Backdoor Santa
- Greg Lake, I believed in father christmas
- Eric Cartman, O holy night
- Mr Garrison, Merry fucking Christmas
- Half Man Half Biscuit, It's cliched to be cynical at Christmas
- Nerf Herder, I've got a boner for Christmas
- Nerf Herder, Santa's got a mullet
- Charley Jordan, Santa Claus Blues
- Red Peters, Holy Shit, it's Christmas!
- Red Peters, You ain't gettin' shit for Christmas
- The Pogues ft. Kirsty McColl, Fairytale of New York
- C. W. Stoneking, On a Christmas Day
- The Waitresses, Christmas wrapping
- Tom Waits, Christmas card from a hooker in Minneapolis
- Kevin Bloody Wilson, Hey Santa Claus
- Kevin Bloody Wilson, Ho Ho Fucking Ho
- Jimmy Witherspoon, How I hate to see Christmas come around
- Just about anything by Bob Rivers
