Fun:Contemporary Christian Music Drinking Game

I'll drink to that.

Are you and/or your friends nerdy enough to ironically enjoy contemporary Christian music?

Are you and/or your friends old enough to drink alcohol responsibly but young enough to think drinking games are a good idea?

We've got the game for you!

Tips

Playing this game is strongly not advised if:

• You are below the legal drinking age in your home country.
• You have medical reasons to avoid drinking large amounts of alcohol e.g. liver disease, poorly controlled diabetes, ongoing infection, taking certain prescription meds.
• You get hangovers easily.
• You're not at home and don't have a designated driver. For that matter, having a sober person supervise this game is always a good idea.

You can even tap out of this game if you want: there's no real way to win or lose with music this laughably shitty.

Players will get the most enjoyment and chances to drink out of this game by watching videos of live performances, especially ones that include "spontaneous worship" parts. If it helps you get through a slow song, speed the playback up; you'll have to drink faster, but the song will drag less.

If you don't like alcohol and can safely get cannabis, you can play this as a toking game as well. Again, best not to play if you can't legally get weed, your job does drug tests, you have a medical reason not to smoke (any respiratory infection, taking opioids, etc.), or need to drive before you have time to sober up. Don't play this game with alcohol and cannabis at the same time.

This game is best suited for 2010s-2020s Christian pop-style worship music. You might still have some fun playing this game with some unblack metal or a more subtle Christian rock act like Red, but go for something with laughably bad lyrics from a megachurch's record label for best results.

With all that squared away…

Gameplay

What you'll need

For typical gameplay

• "Soft" alcohol with an ABV below 20%, e.g. beer, wine, or sake. For the sake of simplicity, "beer/wine" will be a stand-in for whatever "soft" alcohol you use.
• Hard liquor, e.g. vodka, whiskey, tequila, or schnapps. Cocktails are acceptable as long as you use at least 1.5 oz (43 mL) of alcohol.
• Optional, if it's a Christmas song: mulled wine and/or boozy eggnog.

For cannabis-based gameplay

• Smokeable/vape-able cannabis of choice. The more giggly it'll make you, the better.
• Quick consumption apparatus of choice. For the sake of simplicity, it may be best to only use one.

When the rules say "sip," take a tiny hit. When the rules say "swig," take a normal hit. When the rules say "shot" or "finish your beer," take a big hit.

Rules

Take a sip of beer/wine if…

• Anyone's singing in cursive, à la the "Welcome to my kitchen" Vine.
• Someone uses vocabulary that's totally dated outside of the Bible, including but not limited to: "we proclaim," "thee/thou," "joyful noise," or "how great is He," as a statement.
• Someone name-drops a Biblical figure that isn't God or Jesus.
• Someone uses crossing a river or climbing a mountain as a metaphor.
• Anything is sung along the lines of "You can lead me anywhere" or "You follow me everywhere."
• The lyrics include militaristic language (references to an army, conquering demons, etc.).
• One or more of the performers' fashion is terrible.

Take a swig of beer/wine if…

• It's a four-chord pop song, but not really pop because Jesus.
• You recognize a Bible verse awkwardly crammed into the lyrics.
• You get weirdly erotic "Jesus is my boyfriend" vibes from the song.
• The lyrics explicitly refer to a specific miracle, e.g. walking on water, healing the sick, or raising the dead.
• The lyrics imply that the person singing is inexorably wretched or undeservedly saved.
• A performer stands with their arms held aloft or out to their sides, tilts their head back, closes their eyes, and/or clutches their heart.
• Someone gets baptized on stage. Literally.

Take a shot of liquor if…

• The song is by TobyMac, or an artist from Hillsong, Bethel, or Elevation.
• The word "spirit" is sung, in any context.
• A line starts being repeated over and over. Take another every time they switch to repeating a different line. If the audience joins in, follow up with a swig of beer/wine.
• Anyone on stage starts swaying or jumping. Limit once per performer.

Finish your beer/wine if…

• By the end of the song, nobody has said “Jesus,” “God,” “Father,” “Son,” “Lord,” or “King.” Consider it a toast to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
• A performer has an acoustic guitar, but it was just a prop/inaudible throughout the song.
• Someone sings a lyric that makes you wonder if this church is a cult.