Information icon.svg See the 2017 Moderator election results here!

Fun:Stilton cheese

From RationalWiki
Jump to: navigation, search
Potentially edible!
Food woo
Fabulous food!
Delectable diets!
Bodacious bods!
Mmmmm ...Bleurrrgh...
An scoop

Stilton cheese isn't so much a food as it is the utter inability to throw away a food item that is under attack by the fungus Penicillium roqueforti.

Sensible people will not know what Stilton "cheese" tastes like since, (being sensible), they will not endeavor to try it. These same people will miss out on the wonderful dreams said to be associated with the consumption of this diary [sic] product.[1] Most of us who have tasted it, will confirm that it does, in fact, have a flavour not dissimilar to that of 1960s washing-up liquid marketed under the brand Fairy.[2] Some of us who eat it delightedly consider it the finest of cheeses. Which only goes to show that there's no accounting for taste.

However, in a world that contains hákarl (an Icelandic delicacy: Greenland shark pressed and fermented to remove the poison), casu marzu (a Sardinian … er … food, for lack of a better term: cheese in which cheese flies have been allowed to reproduce to such an extent that it is a maggot-rich environment), Bud Lite "beer", and people who consume these crimes against humanity … I must plead that Stilton cheese is a comparatively minor culinary offence.

It is a curious fact that Stilton should be served using a Stilton Scoop a shovel like instrument which slides into the soft substance with a sensual feeling.

Bizarre dreams[edit]

A 2005 study carried out by the British Cheese Board claimed that when it came to dream types, Stilton cheese seemed to cause odd dreams, with 75% of men and 85% of women experiencing bizarre and vivid dreams after eating a 20-gram serving of the cheese half an hour before going to sleep.

Stilton, thou shouldst be living at this hour
And so thou art. Nor losest grace thereby;
England has need of thee, and so have I--
She is a Fen. Far as the eye can scour,
League after grassy league from Lincoln tower
To Stilton in the fields, she is a Fen.
Yet this high cheese, by choice of fenland men,
Like a tall green volcano rose in power.
Plain living and long drinking are no more,
And pure religion reading "Household Words",
And sturdy manhood sitting still all day
Shrink, like this cheese that crumbles to its core;
While my digestion, like the House of Lords,
The heaviest burdens on herself doth lay.

— G.K. Chesterton

Then there are the English cheeses. There are not many of them but I fancy that Stilton is the best cheese of its type in the world, with Wensleydale not far behind.
George Orwell

Stilton is EVIL and should be banned by the Geneva convention. The fact that one of the first British films ever to be banned was about Stilton cheese just goes to show how disgusting the stuff is.

See also[edit]


  2. Note that there is a large overlap between people emboldened to try eating Stilton and people curious as to what washing-up liquid tastes like.