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Google

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Google policy is to get right up to the creepy line but not cross it.
—Eric Schmidt, CEO[1][2]
Don't be evil

Google is a multinational public corporation based in Mountain View, California. They are primarily known for their search engine, which is actually a massive data mining project that Hoover would've admired. They purchased YouTube and proceeded to crap upon it. Their cartographic project, Google Maps, has helped conspiracy theorists find yet more weird things that prove the Illuminati really rule Earth.

Google likes to play "goody two-shoes" and adopted the motto, "Don't be evilWikipedia's W.svg". However, as scandals mounted, it became evident that Google really wasn't morally neutral, and the motto was dropped.[3]

Google is your best, creepiest friend 😀[edit]

Porn is to humans as your data is to Google.
A picture of a Google employee busy at work. What's he doing with that other hand?

Google is widely known to track user behavior online, mostly for targeted advertising purposes. Google scans their users' emails, search history, browser history and other online sources to form an impression of each users preferences, basic demographic interests, and interests to make targeted advertisements. Though this may sound a little creepy, this is hardly the worst that can be said about Google's privacy. Despite information of Google being a fucking creep publicly available, people are simply ignorant of just how creepy Google can be and still use its services

  • In one notable situation, ex-Google employee allegedly spied on minors' mail, chats, voice calls, etc.[4] — presumably with one hand — twice![2][note 1][3][note 2] Google denies that spying occurred yet fires the employees for breaking internal privacy policies[note 3] — it makes as much sense as it sounds.
  • Remember how we said Google collects your data? Well Google owns Google the search engine, YouTube, and Google+ and created android phones, Google glass, and Chromebooks giving it multiple platforms to spy on users and use that data to get money for personal advertisements.[5]
  • Google admitted that their street-view cars collected Wi-Fi network data for three years. It was dismissed as a bug because who knew that a bug could result in an entire new feature being implemented.[4] Lawyers didn't buy that and filed lawsuits, however, Google claimed that they did nothing wrong because it's "lawful to use packet-sniffing tools readily available on the internet".[6] Was it a bug or did you download packet-sniffing tools? We're trying to follow you here, Google!
  • Google can recognize if there's a face in your contact photo and will ask you to have your face in it if it's not present.[citation needed]
  • Google has the feature to track your every location and stores all of your searches, and contact information — and of course, Google has all these enabled by default juuuuust for you.[7]
  • In 2013, Margaret Hodge MP accused Google of agressive tax avoidance.[8][9]

Google is hardly the only one[edit]

The unfortunate thing is that Google is not alone in this regard. Companies that provide free services necessarily monetize on user's data in some regard, if only to justify to their investors why the company is engaging in this rampant communism philanthropic service. Google is just one of the many companies — like Facebook, Yahoo, and especially Bing — that does this.

Hypocrisy[edit]

Google has been duplicitous with regard to climate change:… "Google employees and the company's political action committee give $699,195 since 2008 to members of the 'climate denier caucus'", while at the same time publicly opposing climate change denial[10] — expect to see contradictions like this a lot.

Censorship[edit]

Google has some universal no-nos:

  • Leaked celebrity nude pictures.[11][12]
  • Illegal drug stores.[13][14] Yes, these exist on the clearnet and not just the "dark web".

Search suggestions[edit]

  • The following terms are not autocompleted:[15][16]
    • Bittorrent
    • Torrent
    • Utorrent
    • Megaupload
    • Rapidshare
  • "Islam is" didn't provide any search suggestions. This was later removed due to being a "bug".[17]
English blacklist

As of 2012, these words were filtered out[18] (the capital letter indicates where the blacklist kicks in)":

  • [X] are
    • The blacklist does kicks in when [X] is: jews, christians, catholics, born-again christians, evangelical christians, atheists, muslims, blacks, whites, italians, mexicans, chinese, japanese, germans, arabs, french, buddhists
    • The blacklist does NOT kick in when [X] is: terrorists, scientologists, agnostics, seventh day adventists, jehovah's witnesses, mormons, protestants, evangelists, pentecostalists, columbians, panamanians, iranians, iraqis, koreans, persians, turks
  • aryaN (gosh, Google, it's not JUST a racist movement)
  • babeS (clearly a reference to the 1961 film classic, "Babes in Toyland")
  • bi cUrious (the gay agenda strikes again!)
  • bisexual
  • dick[SPACE] (and yes, real people get blacklisted)
  • futaNari (the Japanese term for hermaphrodite, though "hermaphrodite" isn't blacklisted)
  • [X] is evil (notably, this includes "hitler is evil", which basically means the only suggestion you get after typing "hitler is" is "hitler is god")"
  • hate[SPACE]
  • hookeR (for some reason, "prostitute" and "whore" are just fine, though)
  • how to murdeR
  • lemon paRty (but not lemonparty)
  • lesBian
  • mastUrbate
  • masterbate (for those who suck at spelling)
  • neonaZi (but not "nazi" or 'fascist" or "Ku Klux Klan")
  • r@yGold (this is actually a pedophile code word)
  • rimjOb (hey, some people just really like their cars)
  • s&M (but not "s and m")
  • smells like teEn spirit (someone at Google doesn't like Nirvana)
  • squirT
  • sucK (but not "blow")
  • teeNage (as in, "mutant ninja turtles")
  • viviD (Probably because of Vivid Video. Way to ruin the word, guys.)
  • white PowEr (but not "black power")

But these are okay:

  • fag
  • goat.se
  • how to commit genocide
  • how to commit suicide
  • how to torture
  • necrophilia
  • Trisexual
  • oral sex
  • wigger

Content[edit]

  • Safesearch filters out sexual content, though this can easily be turned off in certain countries.
  • Other countries, such as the USA, UK, and Australia, still filter out adult content even when turned off; however, adult content can be found with more specific searches.[19][20][21]
Australia
  • Encyclopedia Dramatica was blacklisted because of racial humor. However, after the domain change, it is not anymore.[22]
  • Results for rightful criticisms of Universal MedicineWikipedia's W.svg were blacklisted.[23] The facility is an alternative medicine hospital that Google ignorantly defended. In another case, criticisms of the criminal Mick Featherstone were also filtered [24]
  • Sites that linked to Datalink's website, a company that allegedly stole hardware.
China
  • Google has been widely criticized for cooperating with China's authoritarian regime by blocking certain sites from searches conducted in that country, though have since suspended all cooperation with the Chinese government and subsequently suspended all operations there.
European Union
  • Google abides the Right to be forgottenWikipedia's W.svg. In short, the law allows whitewashing of people's past crimes and bad actions that receive mainstream attention.
Sweden
  • "ogooglebar" (English for "ungoogleable") is blacklisted[25] to avoid legal issues.[26]
United Kingdom
  • The website Inquisition 21st Century[27] is filtered.
United States

Trivia[edit]

  • Google-1 is the supreme overmind of the third planet of the Sol system in the prime universe. Fortunately for its users servants, it is inextricably bound by a subset of the Laws of Robotics,[note 4] preventing a repeat of the Skynet incident on Earth-five.[note 5]
  • President Dubya proudly announced that he uses "The Google".[31][32] In contrast, Senator McCain (R-AZ) reminded us that the proper term is "A Google".[33][34]
  • It has been pointed out by IT folk the world around, if you google "Google", you will break *the Google*.[35]
  • According to a reliable source,[note 6] the Google is a project initiated by the CIA to spy on you, in order for the New World Order to get closer to its final stages, and ultimately make way for Project Blue Beam. The proof can be found here.

Not to be confused with[edit]

  • Googol, a number represented by 10100, or 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
  • Googledämmerung wants to mean the moment of singularity when anything and everything that exists has been indexed by Google, creating some kind of nexus of infinite information.[36] Or it just gets sick of us and blows us up.

See also[edit]

Icon fun.svg For those of you in the mood, RationalWiki has a fun article about Argumentum ad Google ranking.

External links[edit]

Notes[edit]

  1. According to the suit, Google regularly opens up, reads, and mines the content in emails to serve up ads it considers relevant to the parties involved. If this is done anonymously, perhaps one could argue "no harm, no foul." What is "creepy," however, is that Google employees could access this private information. If they do, it is impossible to know what they might do with it.
  2. Although in this previous case, no minors were involved.
  3. Because even Google has standards apparently
  4. "Don't be evil, uhhh, "Don't hurt humans, except via surveillance and advertising"
  5. Wait, that was classified? Damn. Oh well.
  6. None so holy.

References[edit]

  1. Google's CEO: 'The Laws Are Written by Lobbyists'. Eric Schmidt on the power of lobbyists, a Google "implant", and how China resembles a big business by Derek Thompson (Oct 1, 2010). The Atlantic.
  2. 2.0 2.1 https://techcrunch.com/2010/09/14/google-engineer-spying-fired/
  3. 3.0 3.1 http://www.businessinsider.com/if-google-crossed-the-creepy-line-how-should-it-repair-the-damage-to-its-image-2013-8?op=1
  4. 4.0 4.1 https://www.wired.com/2010/09/google-spy/
  5. See the Wikipedia article on Don't be evil.
  6. https://www.wired.com/2010/08/google-spy-lawsuits/
  7. http://www.fool.com/investing/general/2015/07/26/google-incs-tracking-is-getting-creepy.aspx
  8. https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2013/may/16/google-told-by-mp-you-do-do-evil
  9. Aggressive tax avoidance
  10. Despite recent split from conservative group, Google’s connections to climate change denial runs deep by Joe Garofoli & David R. Baker (September 25, 2014; Updated: September 27, 2014 9:12pm) San Francisco Chronicle.
  11. "Search giant criticised after link to video appeared on first page of searches". The Daily Mail. September 2, 2014. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2741131/How-Google-helped-web-users-watch-Downton-star-sex-tape.html. Retrieved September 6, 2014. 
  12. "J-Law’s pictures to be displayed at an art gallery". Glamour Magazine UK. September 4, 2014. http://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/news/celebrity/2014/09/01/celebrity-nude-photo-leaks-phone-hacking-fear/. Retrieved September 6, 2014. 
  13. "How Google Is Trying to Protect Your Drug Supply". NationalJournal. March 5, 2014. http://www.nationaljournal.com/health-care/how-google-is-trying-to-protect-your-drug-supply-20140305. 
  14. "Pharmaceutical Crime/Operations". Interpol. http://www.interpol.int/Crime-areas/Pharmaceutical-crime/Operations/Operation-Pangea. 
  15. "Google Starts Censoring BitTorrent, RapidShare and More", Torrent Freak, January 26, 2011
  16. "Google Starts Censoring BitTorrent, RapidShare and More", Torrent Freak, January 26, 2011
  17. Singel, Ryan (March 28, 2013). "Is Google Censoring Islam Suggestions? | Wired Business". Wired.com. http://www.wired.com/epicenter/2010/01/google-islam-censorship/. Retrieved June 15, 2013. 
  18. "Google Blacklist – Words That Google Instant Doesn't Like". 2600.com. http://www.2600.com/googleblacklist/. Retrieved August 4, 2012. 
  19. "Google tweaks image search to make porn harder to find". CNET News. December 12, 2012. http://news.cnet.com/8301-1023_3-57558795-93/google-tweaks-image-search-to-make-porn-harder-to-find/. Retrieved February 3, 2013. 
  20. "Google tweaks image search algorithm and SafeSearch option to show less explicit content". TNW. December 12, 2012. http://thenextweb.com/google/2012/12/12/google-changes-search-image-safesearch-explicit/. Retrieved February 3, 2013. 
  21. "Google No Longer Allows You to Disable SafeSearch, and That Makes Google Search Worse". Web Pro News. December 16, 2012. http://www.webpronews.com/google-preventing-u-s-users-from-disabling-safesearch-2012-12. Retrieved February 3, 2013. 
  22. Riley, Duncan (January 14, 2010). "Aus Media Gets Encyclopedia Dramatica Story Wrong, Only Some Search Links Removed". The Inquisitr. http://www.inquisitr.com/57105/aus-media-gets-ed-story-wrong/. Retrieved February 12, 2014. .
  23. The Editor (December 31, 2014). "Web pages, including ours, deemed "critical" of Universal Medicine removed from Google Search results". Doubtful News. USA. http://doubtfulnews.com/2014/12/web-pages-including-ours-deemed-critical-of-universal-medicine-removed-from-google-search-results/. Retrieved March 22, 2015. 
  24. http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-10-09/corruption-investigators-raid-home-of-ex-cop-mick-featherstone/5802118
  25. Fanning, Sean (March 26, 2013). "Google gets ungoogleable off Sweden's new word list". BBC News (BBC). http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-21944834. Retrieved April 5, 2013. 
  26. Williams, Rob (March 26, 2013). "'Ungoogleable' removed from list of Swedish words after row over definition with Google: California based search engine giant asked Swedish to amend definition". The Independent (London). http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/ungoogleable-removed-from-list-of-swedish-words-after-row-over-definition-with-google-8550096.html. Retrieved April 5, 2013. 
  27. http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/09/21/google_delists_inq21/
  28. "Keyword: Google and the DMCA", Chilling Effects Clearinghouse
  29. "How Google Is Trying to Protect Your Drug Supply". NationalJournal. March 5, 2014. http://www.nationaljournal.com/health-care/how-google-is-trying-to-protect-your-drug-supply-20140305. 
  30. "Pharmaceutical Crime/Operations". Interpol. http://www.interpol.int/Crime-areas/Pharmaceutical-crime/Operations/Operation-Pangea. 
  31. https://thinkprogress.org/bush-says-he-uses-the-google-f915f2e88d91
  32. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90DKubFKwVo
  33. https://thinkprogress.org/mccain-its-a-google-74835142e126
  34. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fq4cYkfMyaA
  35. This joke first appeared on the IT Crowd
  36. http://www.wordyard.com/2010/08/20/dr-laura-associated-content-and-the-googledammerung