Fun:Hot l Baltimore

SMASH THE PLACE!!!

My kangaroo bouncer shall shortly be summoned to deal with you buffons! -- 19:50, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

I've heard if a man were to fight a Kangaroo he would be immediately killed by disembowelling. I'm going out for a smoke now anyway. Until next time. SJ ^Debaser 19:59, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

I am no man; I am fictional. Bastard educated Phantom Hoover! 20:13, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Wot's we gots here? *boing* *boing* Want a round, hopscotch? -- 21:29, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Table 1

Current occupants (4)

• Ace McWicked^{Disco Jesus} 22:22, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
• dirty blonde slut with big knockers
• dirty Asian slut with short skirt
• dirty brunette slut with pig-tails
• SJ ^Debaser 22:47, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
• dirty hipster slut with no bra in a worn out Iggy and the Stooges shirt
• User:Nutty Roux/sigtalk 23:25, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
• Bad hoomin.
• -- -PalMD ^{--yada yada} 00:35, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
• Aboriginal Noise ^{What the hell is that thing?} 19:09, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Table chatter (17)

Ace, Arthur isn't gonna like this. SJ ^Debaser 22:35, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Dont worry about that Josh. Dirty blonde slut with big knockers will make him forget all his woes. Ace McWicked^{Disco Jesus} 22:37, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

In that case, at the risk of being barred, I humbly join your table. SJ ^Debaser 22:47, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

This place could look like home if we break a few things. Arthur's always putting on his posh pretensions, we we know he's no better than where he came from. Same crappy menu as that place he forgot to pay the rent on, too, I notice. ħuman 22:53, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

What happened to that old place? Is it up for lease? Wěǎšěǐǒǐď^{Methinks it is a Weasel} 22:56, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

I think it has to be fumigated first. ħuman 23:42, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

You may now order sluts from the menu. Sluts for all.

Excellent. The menu still needs more improovmints though. ħuman 23:24, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Nice work. ħuman 23:42, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Seriously, the food menu is confusing and exotic for a dive bar, as is the drink menu. Please no campari or milk. Bourbon, Scotch, Canadian, Gin, Vodka, and coffee. And peanuts. User:Nutty Roux/sigtalk 23:50, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

I slobbered it up a bit. I also fixed the damn sign. Well, all but one letter is working now, anyway. ħuman 00:32, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Orders (1)

CUR, 3 Vodka, 2 Budweisers, and something for my bro and hoes. SJ ^Debaser 22:47, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

A keg of Bass and a hose with a firkin of single malt chaser please centipede. ħuman 23:46, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

I want a goddamned cheddar sandwich with Branston pickle. Now.-- -PalMD ^{--yada yada} 00:36, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

You might have to send out for it, Doc, most of the menu here involves the words "frozen" and "microwave". Bleagh. The leftover spotted dick in the fridge ain't half bad, though. ħuman 02:00, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Er, Doc. I sent a couple of the sluts (the blonde one and the rouxesque one) out for your vittles, and they "think" they did well. OK, well, they brought back some "bread" with something cheesy smeared on it, and, well, the pickle appears to be at least slightly "used". You might want to brown bag it next time you pop by. I suspect that only the hard liquor is safe to consume around here. Oh, look! A centipede! Quick, squash it... ħuman 06:07, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Is there any Real Ale here?--Bob^{bing up} 09:10, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Do you have Branston pickle in the US? I always though it was a British thing. Генгис^{Is the Pope a Catholic?} 07:35, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Table 2

• 

  Hello CUR. I will follow you wherever you go.

• 

  At least someone's hooking up here.

Explosion

Boommmmm!!!!!

Pwned!

Time to cook some marshmallows, I think. ħuman 06:13, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

Currant occupants (2)

• Dirty cat slut
• Dirty slut cat's date, Cheetah man
• Tiger man, Cheetah man's bottom
• A bag of raisins

Table chatter (2)

Just one look at this user's pussy drives CUR wild.

Table 3

Table 3 has been demolished for firewood and crude weapons. ħuman 03:52, 6 June 2009 (UTC)

Bar

It be down here. OK, it's just a stained piece of plywood resting on a couple of sawhorses, but it'll do for now. ħuman 00:11, 6 June 2009 (UTC)

Nice. The clubhouse is shaping up. Again. I like this place. Did Ace bring in a fresh hoard? User:Nutty Roux/sigtalk 00:34, 6 June 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, it's smelling a bit more like home again. Someone ought to crush all those dead centipede sections and stuff them in the archive... Now, all we need is Ace and the Sluts to perform for us! ħuman 01:51, 6 June 2009 (UTC)

I would be very careful with Aces sluts, a lot more careful than he is.Rad McCool 02:20, 6 June 2009 (UTC)

I heard someone caught a disease just by looking at them. But, they are such great conversationalists, how can one resist their charms?! ħuman 03:29, 6 June 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, that were me. It wasn't actually a disease though, I just ate some bad pretzels and puked up a bit. The sluts were very pleasant conversationalists, I was talking to them about the British Cabinet Crisis and all! SJ ^Debaser 09:25, 6 June 2009 (UTC)

Slut Fiesta

Thanks for the slut fiesta CUR! In honour of this momentous occasion I have written a poem -
Vagina, Vagina,
swollen and obscene
steamy machine
Vagina
Ace McWicked^{Disco Jesus} 01:32, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

He's going to just adore what we have done with this place! Hey, when are the hookers due back, by the way? I was going to send one out to get Doc a sammich... ħuman 02:02, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Where will we hold the Pub Quiz?

I demand a Table Quiz. Mine's two sergeants of Guinness while you're up there. DogP^{Marmite Patrol} 04:41, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Aye aye. It's kinda byob here, but it does say Guinness on the menu. Grab it yourself before someone else does. ħuman 05:01, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

We need somewhere to take the sluts. Ace McWicked^{Disco Jesus} 05:13, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

I think I repaired table 1 to the stage where they would feel comfortable sitting at it/on it/near it. ħuman 06:06, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

But would we feel comfortable sitting with them/on them/in them? I think I feel something crawling up my leg...Aboriginal Noise ^{What the hell is that thing?} 19:10, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

SuperTable

There's nothing going on. CUR, give me a beer, and then cause some havoc, piss of Human or something, cuz I'm so bored that I blocked myself yesterday for 22 hours. SJ ^Debaser 19:03, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Are you old enough to drink? By the way, it's mostly BYOB here, we fired the multi-legged bartheundlera. There might be some warm piss in those beer bottles over there, though. Tastes awful, but should have fairly high residues of LSD and PCP in it. ħuman 01:22, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Indeed, I be old enough to consume. SJ ^Debaser 13:50, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

Argh! My sores are weeping pure bile! I must have whisky! Ace McWicked^{Disco Jesus} 01:23, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

I just found some miscellaneous amber fluid in these unlabelled bottles over here, and it's not piss. Let's see what it does... ħuman 01:29, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

I found some hash oil in a suitcase I hadn't used since a trip to Algeria. It's just one hard brown drop stuck to the side of the vial. I'll put some starter fluid in it to loosen it up. Let's get high. User:Nutty Roux/sigtalk 01:47, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Then we can drink the starter fluid. Ace McWicked^{Disco Jesus} 01:50, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

You huff the ether then dip a pin in the hash oil and paint a thin line down the side of a fag. Or just huff the ether. User:Nutty Roux/sigtalk 01:51, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

What is it with you and painting fags? Ace McWicked^{Disco Jesus} 01:52, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Painting a thin line down the side of a fag sounds a great way to get the party started. I gots ether, where do I spray it again? I assume not in a carburetor for thee purposes... PS, firefox spells carburettor ugly. ħuman 03:03, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Words cannot describe

And you people actually think you can mock others? Read through this with half an objective eye and tell me that you don't look like a pack of twats. MarcusCicero 09:15, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

I don't think any of us ever said we were not a pack of twats. You're a major asshole too. Come join the party! User:Nutty Roux/sigtalk 14:42, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Bartender, I'd like to order a pack of twats, please. --Kels 23:33, 27 June 2009 (UTC)

Me too. Hey, its a weekend, gimme a pack of three. Fox 23:45, 27 June 2009 (UTC)

I'll take a pair over here... ħuman 23:59, 27 June 2009 (UTC)

Who

was the meanest drunkest bastardest motherfucker in this joint till I walked in? Fox 23:32, 27 June 2009 (UTC)

Pretty sure it was this son of a bitch. --Kels 23:35, 27 June 2009 (UTC)

That loser wouldn't know a can of shit from a hole in the head. And its your round ;) Fox 23:44, 27 June 2009 (UTC)

You sure you wanna go down that road, man? Seriously? --Kels 23:57, 27 June 2009 (UTC)

Oh, puleeze, do be brief. Fox 00:10, 28 June 2009 (UTC)

Ewww, keep your fascination with your briefs to yourself, please. --Kels 00:24, 28 June 2009 (UTC)

If you're talking about badasses, you oughta know there are pieces of badder dudes that that pair in David Allan Coe's shit. User:Nutty Roux/sigtalk 02:56, 28 June 2009 (UTC)

Amateur. He's nowhere near as drunk as either of 'em. --Kels 02:59, 28 June 2009 (UTC)

Right then

Who wants to get fucked up? I have toads, who likes licking toads? Ace McWickedⁱ⁹ 02:29, 28 June 2009 (UTC)

I've been huffing starter fluid. Booze is too fattening and toads keep me up late. Do you have any medical ether? Arthur always kept a bottle under the bar for bedtime. User:Nutty Roux/sigtalk 02:58, 28 June 2009 (UTC)

All I've got is starter fluid. Dirty ether I guess? Oughtta be fun. ħuman 03:25, 28 June 2009 (UTC)

Let's huff it out of a paper bag out back of your place. I'll be right over. User:Nutty Roux/sigtalk 03:29, 28 June 2009 (UTC)

Sounds good! ħuman 04:46, 28 June 2009 (UTC)

The only thing that really worried me was the ether.

There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a

man in the depths of an ether binge.

And I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.

Crundy^{Talk nerdy to me} 08:04, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

A table for three, and anyone else who wants to pull up a chair.

Ace, Nutty... have a drink on me. And those who might wish to get within spitting distance... please join us. Hookers all around! ħuman 05:56, 16 December 2011 (UTC)

Sweet! Please do spit on me! The Punk Symphony of Noise ^{Your mental puke relief} 13:18, 16 December 2011 (UTC)

Apparently last night me and my housemates hosted a Christmas party where I drank eight cans of larger, finished a bottle of whiskey I'd received on Tuesday, tied a cape around myself, shouted "I'll save you Mary Jane!" and jumped down the stairs, banging my head on the ceiling and landing on my arse where I now have a rather large bruise.

Get me a beer. SJ ^Debaser 13:55, 16 December 2011 (UTC)

I'll take a shot of Evan Willams with a Smithwick's backer myself. The Punk Symphony of Noise ^{Your mental puke relief} 14:10, 16 December 2011 (UTC)

Two and a half years later and this place still smells like feet, stale beer, and urinal pucks. Breathe deep boys; that's the smell of home. Where's Arthur to take our drink orders? And the slut fiesta? 15:34, 16 December 2011 (UTC)

A toast to Nutty and Ace

This one's for you two!!! Cheers! The Punk Symphony of Noise ^{Your mental puke relief} 14:54, 17 December 2011 (UTC)