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Fun:Open source

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Programming for Dummies

The open source movement has given monkeykind free software written by millions of monkeys. No bananas are given to any of the monkeys to do this. How did the monkey survive, you ask? Occasionally they charge bananas on training and occasionally solving your problems with said software.

The Open Source Definition[edit]

1. Free Redistribution[edit]

The license shall not restrict any monkeys from selling or giving away the software as a component of an aggregate software distribution containing programs from several different monkeys. The license shall not require bananas or other fee for such sale.

2. Source Code[edit]

The program must include source code so other monkeys can understand how it works, and must allow distribution in source code as well as compiled form to allow other monkeys to add to the software. Where some form of a product is not distributed with source code, there must be a well-publicized means of obtaining the source code for no more than a reasonable amount of bananas preferably, downloading via the Internet without charging any bananas. The source code must be the preferred form in which a monkey would modify the program. Deliberately monkey-proof source code is not allowed. Intermediate forms such as the output of a gorilla or chimpanzee are not allowed.

3. Derived Works[edit]

The license must allow modifications and derived works by other monkeys, and must allow them to be distributed under the same terms as the license of the original software.

4. Integrity of The Author's Source Code[edit]

From each according to their ability; to each according to their need for bananas

The license may restrict source-code from being distributed in modified form only if the license allows the distribution of "patch files" with the source code for the purpose of modification of the program by other monkeys at build time. The license must explicitly permit distribution of software built from modified source code. The license may require derived works to carry a different name or version number from the original software.

5. No Discrimination Against Monkeys or Groups[edit]

The license must not discriminate against any monkey or group of monkeys.

6. No Discrimination Against Fields of Endeavor[edit]

The license must not restrict any monkey from making use of the program in a specific field of endeavor. For example, it may not restrict the program from being used in a zoo, or from being used for throwing feces.

7. Distribution of License[edit]

The rights attached to the program must apply to all monkeys whom the program is redistributed without the need for execution of an additional license by those monkeys.

8. License Must Not Be Specific to a Product[edit]

The rights attached to the program must not depend on the program's being part of a particular software distribution. If the program is extracted from that distribution and used or distributed within the terms of the program's license, all monkeys to whom the program is redistributed should have the same rights as those that are granted in conjunction with the original software distribution.

9. License Must Not Restrict Other Software[edit]

The license must not place restrictions on other software that is distributed along with the licensed software. For example, the license must not insist that all other programs distributed on the same medium must be monkey-written software.

10. License Must Be Technology-Neutral[edit]

No provision of the license may be predicated on any individual technology or style of interface. For example, this means use with technology created by baboons cannot be prohibited.

The ugly truth about open source software[edit]

Remember, when you program open source, you're programming COMMUNISM! Buy Microsoft instead!

Open source is the application of Marxist communism to software development. In general it involves making the secret codes of a piece of software available to the public, allowing the public to modify the software and removing accountability for bad design from the original developer. Most open source software is also made available to users free of charge, a practice which has led to accusations of illegal price-fixing[1] due to commercial software developers being unable to compete against a product that is given away.

Open source software is widely used by Communist governments, most notably China, which maintains its own Linux distribution, Red Flag Linux. In addition, much open source software is built and maintained outside the US, beyond the reach of American copyright and patent law; as a result, page layout[2] and graphics programs, for example, often default to metric measurements and page sizes rather than standard proper US measurements.

Open source advocate Theo de Raadt was once quoted as saying that a proper open source license should not forbid the use of open source software in a device such as a "baby mulcher", bringing up ethical questions of providing access to cutting-edge technology to those who wish to use it unjustly. In addition, much open source software is licensed with the controversial GNU General Public License, an ultra-liberal "viral" license that requires that the source code of all products made with the licensed code be released to the public under the same terms.

Examples of open source's effect on the market[edit]

  • In 2003, the SCO Group sued IBM claiming IBM had added proprietary Unix code to the then-current release of Linux, highlighting the possibility of proprietary code being stolen and illegally released to the public. SCO later lost their case, their friends, their shirt, and their business as a result of their attempted land-grab.[3]
  • In 2005, rioting mobs forced Sun Microsystems to start giving away their Solaris operating system[4] after overwhelming competition from the free Linux system.
  • Also in 2005, the Massachusetts chief information technology officer resigned as the result of a scandal that would have required the state to move its data storage requirements from standard Microsoft formats to untested open source data formats.
  • The International Intellectual Property Alliance, an umbrella group for organisations including the MPAA and RIAA, has asked the US to consider countries that use Open Source software as places with inadequate intellectual property rights.[5]

Expected military action[edit]

Since it represents such an enormous threat to the very foundation of society in the United States, it is expected that the USA will invade OpenSourceonia. Currently the OpenSourceonia embassy in Washington has been shut down as a terrorist funding cover, and Vice President Mike Pence is consulting with the Joint Chiefs of Staff of the Business Software Alliance to develop an intensive air and ground attack on the infrastructure of OpenSourceonia. Heavy bombing and casualties are expected, as the Elite Guard of programmers of OpenSourceonia are well equipped with Nerf Guns, Big Gulps and Foosball tables.

The conspiracy spreads![edit]

Now, even the CIA has begun using open-source intelligence. While not exactly the same thing (or even really related at all), we must purge the commie bastards from our government! OSINT is the first stage in the entire US government becoming a bunch of pretentious hacker geeks. The CIA expects vandals to be shipped out to Gitmo, a policy that many other open source projects are currently considering.

See also[edit]