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The New Devil's Dictionary

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It's been well over a century since Ambrose Bierce wrote The Devil's Dictionary.[1] Since that time, a lot of euphemisms and pettifoggery has been dumped into the English language. Introduced herewith is The New Devil's Dictionary with terms that did not appear in the original dictionary.

  • Antivaxxer — an influenza influencer
  • Christian Science, n.: the sciencey form of Christianity that hates modern medicine
  • Civil war, n.:
    1. love thy neighbor (Leviticus 9:18), writ large, with guns
    2. at a smaller scale, incivility in the line of fire
  • Clean coal, n.: Yes, coal is dirty. Our advertising campaign cleans it right up!
  • Compassionate conservatism, n.: They will fuck you over for a profit, then tell you that Jesus loves you.
  • Cryptocurrency, n.: A digital asset that is uses cryptography but is not secure, and is fungible with other cryptocurrencies but is not a currency in the sense of buying goods and services. A long con of endless pump and dumps.
  • DEI, n. an acronym that stands for 'diversity, equity, and inclusion' among normal people. For those opposed to DEI, it represents a code word for unrepentant but cowardly refusal to admit being a bigot.
    • DUI hire, n.: a pun on "DEI hire", a known active alcoholic hired for being ideologically-aligned with fascism. Secretary of Defense Pet Hegseth is apparently the prime examplar.[2][3]
  • Disrepresentative, n.: an elected legislator who does not represent their constituents in any meaningful way. Examples include:
    1. Tommy Tuberville, who moved to Florida shortly after being elected Senator of Alabama[4]
    2. Representative Kevin Kiley, who is afraid to return to his home district to face his angry constituents[5]
  • Entrepreneur, n.: a serial business owner with more money than talent, and more greed than either. From the French entrepreneur, a builder or undertaker (ordonnateur des pompes funèbres)
  • Inventor: Someone who thinks of something new but who does not think of something old — having an entrepreneur steal the idea
  • Moms for Liberty, n.: Not moms (except for their public faces) and they're not for liberty (not yours anyway). They are moms for threedom, though.
  • National Bolshevism, n.: It's international brotherhood week, but I am Big Brother.
  • Philanthropy, n.: The poor give to charity, but the rich do philanthropy. What was once the domain of geriatric plutocrats finally doing something good for society before croaking is now the domain of younger plutocrats self-dealing to avoid taxes. Philanthropy increasingly involves self-philanthropy: Musk's claim that his businesses themselves are philanthropy, Musk's self-dealing philanthropy, or Jeff Bezos' meager actual charity while ordering the construction of a personal yacht that was so enormous that he had to bribe local officials to disassemble and reassemble a historic bridge to get the yacht out of the harbor.
  • Scientific creationism, n.:
  • Transactional, adv.: a Trumpian code word for bribery and corruption
  • Virgin birth, n.: An excuse to tell one's parents after failing the abstinence pledge.

References[edit]

  1. The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce (1911) The World Publishing Company.
  2. Trump’s DUI hire really putting us all at risk today. by Rep. Eric Swalwell (5:18 AM · Mar 25, 2025) Twitter (archived from 26 Mar 2025 18:29:50 UTC).
  3. The Trump Administration Accidentally Texted Me Its War Plans: U.S. national-security leaders included me in a group chat about upcoming military strikes in Yemen. I didn’t think it could be real. Then the bombs started falling. by Jeffrey Goldberg (March 24, 2025) The Atlantic.
  4. Tommy Tuberville reportedly doesn’t live in Alabama − should he still be its senator? by Charlie Hunt (August 14, 2023 1:44pm EDT) The Conversation.
  5. Tahoe residents are calling their congressman every day. He won't answer. by Julie Brown Davis (March 13, 2025 8:03 a.m.) SFGate.