The New Devil's Dictionary

It's been well over a century since Ambrose Bierce wrote The Devil's Dictionary. Since that time, a lot of euphemisms and pettifoggery has been dumped into the English language. Introduced herewith is The New Devil's Dictionary with terms that did not appear in the original dictionary.

• Christian Science, n.:
• Civil war, n.:
• Clean coal, n.: Yes, coal is dirty. Our advertising campaign cleans it right up!
• Compassionate conservatism, n.: They will fuck you over for a profit, then tell you that Jesus loves you.
• Cryptocurrency, n.: A digital asset that is uses cryptography but is not secure, and is fungible with other cryptocurrencies but is not a currency in the sense of buying goods and services. A long con of endless pump and dumps.
• Entrepreneur, n.: a serial business owner with more money than talent, and more greed than either. From the French entrepreneur, a builder or undertaker (ordonnateur des pompes funèbres)
• Inventor: Someone who thinks of something new but who does not think of something old — having an entrepreneur steal the idea
• Moms for Liberty, n.: Not moms (except for their public faces) and they're not for liberty (not yours anyway). They are moms for threedom, though.
• National Bolshevism, n.: It's international brotherhood week, but I am Big Brother.
• Philanthropist, n.: A wealthy person who runs out of toys to fill holes in their soul who decides to throw money at non-profits in pursuit of personal interests.
• Scientific creationism, n.:
• Virgin birth, n.: An excuse to tell one's parents after failing the abstinence pledge.

References

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