Fun:Holy Goat Scriptures
| I would do it in a boat, I would do it with a Goat |
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| Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? |
The Holy Goat Scriptures are a book to help people worship Super Mecha Death Goat. It provides sacred rules for living. Those who don't follow this holy book will spend eternity getting eaten by a goat.
In The Beginning[edit]
“”
In the beginning, Super Mecha Death Goat ate some divine grass. This grass would fuel the creation of the world. Super Mecha Death Goat got bad indigestion and vomited the grass into the empty universe. This grassy vomit formed the world and the galaxies. Over the next 10,000 years, life emerged from the remaining grass vomit. Animals and plants formed on the new Earth but Super Mecha Death Goat felt that the animals needed masters. Super Mecha Death Goat ate more divine grass and it gave him indigestion again, allowing his divine vomit to form man. Man was given great intelligence. However, mankind became total assholes so Super Mecha Death Goat took a huge piss; this piss flooded the world but several people were spared. Mankind repopulated via incest and Super Mecha Death Goat magically granted biodiversity. Man rebuilt and yada yada........time went on and stuff. Regurgitus 1:1 |
Sins[edit]
- Not worshiping Super Mecha Death Goat
- Worshiping Supra Tech Fox
- Eating the Divine Grass
- Supporting non-Goat evolutionism
- Killing Goats
- Killing unborn Goats
- (Hot) Gay Sex
- Smoking
- Being a New Orthodox Goatist
Son of Super Mecha Death Goat[edit]
The holy son of Super Mecha Death Goat is named Mini Mecha Beta. Mini Mecha Beta was conceived when Super Mecha Death Goat banged a hot chick in Japan. Mini Mecha Beta healed sick goats and brought peace (Holy Goat 1:3). Mini Mecha Beta was eaten by hungry wolves for our sins then somehow came back to life and was a cosmic zombie or something like that (Holy Goat 2:9). Mini Mecha Beta will return in the End Times and save the souls of holy people and goats (Holy Goat 3:1).
The Great Piss Flood[edit]
“”
And so, Super Mecha Death Goat commanded Goatia to build a boat out of bamboo and McDonald's burger wrappers. Goatia boarded five of every animal on board in two days. Goatia's family lasted aboard on the boat as it sailed in the piss ocean. After the ten days and nights, the piss ocean went away and everything was new.......somehow
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(Goatia 1:2)
Two Commandments[edit]
These commandments are-
- Thou shall not be an asshole
- Thou shall do my bidding
(Goaticus 3:14)
The Supra Tech Fox[edit]
The Supra Tech Fox is Super Mecha Death Goat's enemy. Supra Tech Fox is the big evil tempter of men, he promises beer, cigarettes and chicks in the afterlife (Farmerus 3:2). If you side with Supra Tech Fox in the afterlife, you will be fed to a goat in the end times (Goaticus 6:7)
End Times[edit]
When the universe is near its end, a great battle will happen between Super Mecha Death Goat and Supra Tech Fox (Joinus 4:10). Both deities will amass great armies to fight each other for the divine farm that we call the universe (Muncher 4:20). Cities will burn and the Earth's surface will melt back into the vomit from which it came. Once the battle ends, Supra Tech Fox and his followers will be fed to goats (Holy 1:1).
The Church[edit]
“”Super Mecha Death Goat commands that the people build churches inhis honor. Churches must be awesome. Have the parishioners donate their cash to churches so their pastors can afford a kick ass sports car! These churches must exclude them gay guys and trans people for they are sinful. Do as your lord commands you
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Farmerus 12:6
Super Mecha Death Goat wants churches built for worship. You are to give an offering of grass for the Lord and give 23% of your income to the church. Scripture studies are required by everyone. You are to shout in the streets about his holy goatness. You must also create educational institutions that promote goatism. Orthodox goatism is the real religion and non-goat evolution is not allowed.