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Yogic flying
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“”As the wise proverb observes, you should never make fun of a fellow human being, until you have bounced a mile in his buttocks.
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| —Rex Murphy on Doug Henning's Natural Law Party |
“”That wasn't flying; that was falling with style.
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| —Sheriff Woody |
Yogic flying is, we are told, a "natural extension of Transcendental Meditation".
According to Yogic Flying Clubs for Students:[1]
“”In the silent, self-referral level of their consciousness, they introduce the technique for Yogic Flying, according to the specific procedure they’ve learned, and their bodies spontaneously lift up. At the same time, they experience great clarity of consciousness, energy, exhilaration, and unboundedness.
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It is otherwise known as bouncing on your buttocks.[2][3] Yes, really.
World peace[edit]
The benefits of yogic flying are, it seems, not limited to students. According to the same source, when sufficiently large numbers of people practice yogic flying, other effects appear:
“”This coherence-creating effect, termed the Maharishi
 Effect, neutralizes stress and negativity in the innermost fabric of the nation. The crime rate drops. Sickness and accident rates drop. Inflation and unemployment decline and the economy improves. Even terrorism and open warfare have been reduced or stopped and the superpowers have become friendlier. |
Levels[edit]
It is claimed that there are three levels to yogic flying. The initial stage is bouncing up and down on one's bottom in the lotus position; the second stage is floating; and the final stage really is flying.[4] Yes, you too can learn to fly![5][note 1]
Cutting edge science[edit]
This is no mystical "woo", but real science as can be seen from this quote:[6]
“”The latest scientific discoveries in the fields of quantum mechanics and quantum field theory reveal the fundamental principles of invincibility that are practically applied through Maharishi’s Unified Field-Based Approach to the Creation of World Peace and that can practically achieve unprecedented levels of national security, strength, and invincibility. These principles include:
The Principle of Indomitable Strength. The Heisenberg uncertainty principle states that a system’s intrinsic energy is proportional to its characteristic frequency:... |
So no quantum woo or technobabble here, folks! No sir![note 2]
The pictures prove it![edit]
You've probably seen pictures of Yogic flying in action, like the one shown at the top of this page.
You'll notice there's a lack of videos demonstrating Yogic flying past the hopping stage, though. This is because the still photos are snapped at the moment the practitioner happens to be in mid-air in the middle of one of his butt bounces. He's not hovering, he's falling.
August 9th, 2022 update: In the year of our Lord 2021, a video of the final stage has finally emerged on the Information Superhighway. Haters will say it's fake.