Fun:Dungeons and Dragons

Tired of laughing? RationalWiki has a slightly more serious article about Dungeons and Dragons.

WARNING Jesus does not approve of Dungeons and Dragons, as it encourages witchcraft! You've been warned.

Dungeons and Dragons was invented in 1966 by Mike Warnke as part of his Satanism recruitment scheme to lure young kids into devil worship. Dungeons and Dragons was designed to give unsuspecting youngsters a crash course in witchcraft and casting spells. Right before he ducked out of his California devil cult to join the Navy, he sold the game to Gary Gygax who started TRS-80 Hobbies in Wisconsin using $100,000 in seed money provided by the Illuminati. In 1974 TRS-80 Hobbies was bought by Wizards of the Coast, which took the game nationwide, and the rest, as they say, is history. Pretty soon, razor blades started appearing in Halloween candy, and kids started listening to AC/DC. It was well planned. America will never recover. And Jesus wept.

SAT scores bottomed out in America in 1980, which not coincidentally was also the year Advanced Dungeons and Dragons, First Edition was published in a multi volume hardcover set. Attention Deficit Disorder was unknown in the United States before Advanced Dungeons and Dragons came along. Is it any wonder they both have the same initials?

And you know what else has the same initials as Advanced Dungeons & Dragons? Accidental Death & Dismemberment! Remember that the next time you're thinking about playing a "harmless" game (more like "armless" game amirite?).

Dungeons and Dragons uses multi sided dice which are really miniaturized little versions of ancient Babylonian and Masonic idols. Even the seemingly small act of rolling one die of AD&D can cause demonic possession. Natural 20s, innocently called "critical hits" by the satanists, are actually their tools for summoning the forces of Hell to wreck havoc on Christian Earth.

Dungeons and Dragons promotes political extremism by having players pick their alignment, for example: Chaotic Neutral, Chaotic Evil, Lawful Evil, Lawful Good, Chaotic Good, or True Neutral. This is absurd - the entire spectrum of alignments is extremist and anti-Christian! Nowhere to be found is an alignment compatible with a constitutional republic under God, or Americanism! And don't pretend like the "cleric" class counts as an appropriate religious role model: first because clerics are muslim, christians are preachers!; and second because they heal the sick and wounded by casting spells or channeling their false gods' powers, when every red-blooded, white-skinned, blue-eyed, god-fearing american knows that the only way to cure anything is by holding your hands over the person and invoking the powers of JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-SUS!!

Dungeons and Dragons promotes also Devil and Gaian worship. See how many false gods are present there: Nature spirits (usually good, which should be a clue), dark-skinned chicks, er, demons dancing naked in the middle of the forest under the moonlight (nature-worshipping AGAIN!), a FALSE version of Jesus, gods associated with Magic, CTHUHLU, and up to DEVILS and DEMONS which are named that way there.

Dungeons and Dragons also supports Nazism! In the player’s SPELLbook, D&D proudly exorts Adolf Hitler’s charisma! Not to mention there is NO mention of democracy, obviously a Satanic plot to infect America with commu-nazism!

You can help fight the D&D menace by passing out copies of "Dark Dungeons". Pass them out at rock concerts, gaming conventions, furry conventions, Ron Paul meetups, and leave them on trash cans, telephone booths, laundromats and whenever possible as tips. Why at these dirty places? Because the minions of evil cannot withstand the faith contained inside places frequented by good, traditional american families, and therefore keep themselves to those corners. You can purchase this fine Gospel tract here.