From RationalWiki
Jump to navigation Jump to search
The flag of Canada and Ontario until 1965
The flag of Canada from 1965 to present
The flag of Ontario from 1965 to present. They're not very creative.

The Province of Ontario is home to Ottawa (the capital of Canada) and an astronomical oddity, since it also contains the center of the universe, Toronto.

It sucks is awesome. The Great Lakes suck, Turkey Point sucks, and Alan Thicke sucks. (Oh, and Chemical Valley Sarnia sucks.) There is nothing redeeming about the whole gosh-darned province, except for the fact that RationalWiki was once hosted in Hamilton, Ontario.

In particular, Toronto sucks. The Maple Leafs also suck. The Argos suck. So do the Raptors[1] And the Blue Jays.[2] As do the R.E.M. rip-off Tragically Hip. (Special thanks to Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie.)

Note however that northern Ontario does have "Terry's Taxidermy and Mounted Animal Nature Trail," the world's only low-maintenance zoo.

The northern part of Ontario has a lot of small towns struggling to adjust to modern times. As towns grow, people who are sick of all the big city libruls moving in prefer smaller towns keep moving north. This has to stop eventually or they'll fall into Hudson Bay.[citation NOT needed]

Ontario has achieved fame for having a provincially-funded separate school system, which is explicitly Catholic and includes religious instruction. This has long been controversial within the province, as its board has attempted on multiple occasions to prevent the formation of LGBT anti-bullying clubs,[3] though no one has (yet) had the political courage to effect any change. However, in the 2007 provincial election, front-running Progressive Conservative candidate John Tory saw an opportunity to raise the controversy to bold new heights; he proposed offering such funding to religious-based schools from all religions. Almost immediately, Tory saw his popularity plummet to the point where not only did the Conservatives lose the election, he couldn't even win his own riding. In 2014, he was elected mayor of Toronto by running on a different platform. To reinforce Ontario's socially liberal culture, a former premier, Kathleen Wynne, was the first openly lesbian premier in Canadian history.[4] However, the current premier, Doug Ford, is an idiotic right-wing populist who somehow won by promising $1 beer and removing income tax on minimum wage workers while repealing the yearly minimum wage increase.

Ontario also features truly peculiar liquor laws. In a remnant of the Prohibition era (which lasted in Ontario from 1916 to 1927), alcohol to this day is sold only at government-run storesWikipedia called The Liquor Control Board of Ontario.[5] Beer can be only be purchased at the LCBO or at a similar institution called The Beer Store. But the drinking age is 19, so it's not that bad.

Ontario's state songs[edit]

Ontario's ought-to-be-a-provincial-song[edit]

See also[edit]


  1. Invalid since May 19, 2019
  2. Even the judiciary agrees.
  3. Toronto Catholic trustees reject motion to ban gay-straight alliance clubs, The Globe and Mail
  4. On the other hand, she was a cabinet minister under the McGuinty government.
  5. It has proven to be a huge source of government revenue, so no government has risked privatizing it because of the budget hole that would ensue. (More likely the TCDSB et al. will go first.)