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The flag of Canada and Ontario until 1965
The flag of Canada from 1965 to present
The flag of Ontario from 1965 to present. They're not very creative.

Ontario is the capital of Canada and an astronomical oddity, since it also contains the center of the universe, Toronto.[1]

It sucks is awesome. The Great Lakes suck, Turkey Point sucks, and Alan Thicke sucks. (Oh, and Sarnia sucks.) There is nothing redeeming about the whole gosh-darned province, except for the fact that RationalWiki was once hosted in Hamilton, Ontario.

In particular, Toronto sucks, because the people think it's New York. The Maple Leafs also suck. The Argos suck. So do the Raptors. And the Blue Jays.[2] As do the R.E.M. rip-off Tragically Hip. (Special thanks to Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie.)

However, it should be noted that northern Ontario does have "Terry's Taxidermy and Mounted Animal Nature Trail," the world's only low-maintenance zoo.

Ontario is also noted for having a provincially-funded separate school system, which is explicitly Catholic and includes religious instruction. This has long been controversial within the province, as the board has attempted on multiple occasions to prevent the formation of LGBT anti-bullying clubs,[3] though no one has (yet) had the political courage to effect any change. However, in the 2007 provincial election, front-running Progressive Conservative candidate John Tory saw an opportunity to raise the controversy to bold new heights; he proposed offering such funding to religious based schools from all religions. Almost immediately, Tory saw his popularity plummet to the point where not only did the Conservatives lose the election, he couldn't even win his own riding. In 2014, he was elected mayor of Toronto by running on a different platform.

The current premier is the first openly lesbian premier in Canadian history. (On the other hand, she was a cabinet minister under the McGuilty McGuinty government.)

Ontario's liquor laws are truly peculiar as well. In a remnant of the Prohibition era (which lasted in Ontario from 1916-27), alcohol to this day is sold only at government-run stores called The Liquor Control Board of Ontario.[4] Beer can be only be purchased at the LCBO or a similar institution called The Beer Store. But the drinking age is 19, so it's not that bad.

Ontario's state songs[edit]

Ontario's ought-to-be-a-state-song[edit]

See also[edit]


  1. The place where all the fail of the States and all the win of Canada do battle for supremacy.
  2. Even the judiciary agrees.
  3. Toronto Catholic trustees reject motion to ban gay-straight alliance clubs, The Globe and Mail
  4. It's proven to be a huge source of government revenue, so no government has risked privatizing it for the budget hole it would create. (More likely the TCDSB et al. will go first.)