User talk:'*Jesus*'

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WOW! We are really pulling in the celebrities. --Edgerunner76 08:10, 15 November 2007 (EST)

Is it true m&m's fall through your hands?
Can you walk on water you've turned to wine?
CЯacke® 09:19, 15 November 2007 (EST)

Yes, but would you want to drink it afterwards? '*Jesus*' 13:09, 15 November 2007 (EST)

Can you microwave a burrito so hot that even you can't eat it? --Edgerunner76 09:21, 15 November 2007 (EST)

No, but I can put my picture on a tortilla if you want! '*Jesus*' 13:09, 15 November 2007 (EST)

Pffft, anybody with an Epson or Canon or even an HP toaster can do THAT nowadays. CЯacke®
What and get crumbs in the printer? that would void the warranty. Anyway, I forgive you for doubting me. Dad wouldn't, but you know how people get more right wing as they get older. '*Jesus*' 14:10, 15 November 2007 (EST)
Please, read the post again, yer Infallibleness, I never said "printer". I'm beginning to have my doubts about you. CЯacke®
daddamn. That's what I get for leaving the paperwork to Metatron. '*Jesus*' 14:23, 15 November 2007 (EST)
That's excellent! After all, successfully overcoming doubts is the best way to stronger faith. :nods: --AKjeldsenGodspeed! 14:24, 15 November 2007 (EST)
Kierkegaard? (sings "Heaven knows I'm miserable now") But you, AKjeldsen, what if you got smoten while having a doubt? Verily wouldst thou be in the crapper, wouldn'st thou? '*Jesus*' 14:33, 15 November 2007 (EST)
Oh, hardly, because having doubts is inseparable from having faith; indeed, one could say that it is a prerequisite to faith. Hence, if doubts in themselves were sufficient to land one in the craper, salvation from the crapper would effectively not be possible at all, which would be absurd. Also, I recall Thou Thyself having a few small doubts from time to time - such as that time in Gethsemane, eh? --AKjeldsenGodspeed! 14:44, 15 November 2007 (EST)
SHHHH! Don't want everybody to know! '*Jesus*' 14:47, 15 November 2007 (EST)
Well I guess that's why it's recorded in the Bible, nobody reads THAT anymore. Your secret is safe.CЯacke®

Check out Special pages:userlist for extra lulz!!!!!'*Jesus*' 13:09, 15 November 2007 (EST)

Look, I don't want to tell you YOUR family history but all parents tend not to show their pride in their kid's accomplishments for fear of spoiling their children. I'm sure your dad is quite the same, he doesn't "hate" you, he just doesn't know how to show that he loves you, (though that sending you here to get kilt our people's sins thing...that sorta blows).CЯacke®
dads eh. At first it's "this is my son in whom I am well pleased", but where is he when you bloody need him? '*Jesus*' 14:50, 15 November 2007 (EST)
Probably out putzing around the firmament. CЯacke®
You silly billy. Jesus here died for for our sins. Mel Gibson got kilt, for our sins. --Jeeves 14:52, 15 November 2007 (EST)
Got kilt? what, like in Braveheart? '*Jesus*' 14:55, 15 November 2007 (EST)
For an omniscient deity, you sure know how to ruin a joke. --Jeeves 15:03, 15 November 2007 (EST)

Mary Magdalene[edit]

So, ah... you hittin' that? --Edgerunner76 14:56, 15 November 2007 (EST)

Yo man, she hawt! '*Jesus*' 14:57, 15 November 2007 (EST)
Yuh huh, and you know she's a slut. --Jeeves 15:03, 15 November 2007 (EST)
A vile rumour put about by misogynists. She was my bestest disciple EVAR. '*Jesus*' 15:07, 15 November 2007 (EST)
Well if I didn't know, I wouldn't be omniscient would I? Nyer nyer nyer. '*Jesus*' 15:26, 15 November 2007 (EST)

Did you ever payback Rufus his twenty bucks? --Edgerunner76 07:44, 16 November 2007 (EST)

I believe that was in (silver) shekels...lessee, 20grams/shekel x 20shekels=400grams of silver in 31CEx 0.005% x 2076yrs= 127 metric tonnes of silver. Just 'cause you ain't dead no more don't mean you're not a deadbeat. Fork it up.CЯacke® 11:38, 16 November 2007 (EST)

Hey![edit]

How's my son doing? :) *God* 11:46, 16 November 2007 (EST)

So much for omniscience! :D Totnesmartin 18:46, 16 November 2007 (EST)