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William Melvin "Bill" Hicks (1961—1994) was an American stand-up comedian, musician and satirist. He is now extremely dead, much to the relief of the establishment that he lampooned with ruthless incisiveness.
Hicks' comedy revolved largely around drugs, social norms, politics, drugs, religion, drugs and dicks. Occasionally, his act would include an appearance from "Goatboy." He was known to have taken drugs, especially magic mushrooms, although he later stopped and even gave up smoking.
He saved his most scathing social commentary for the Republican Party (especially Sen. Jesse Helms), the pro-life movement, John F. Kennedy assassination conspiracy theories, the War on Drugs, the first Gulf War (his commentary thereon was also eerily applicable to the second Gulf War) and the state of the US entertainment industry, in particular reality TV, teenage pop stars and artists who "sold out" to do advertisements.
Bill Hicks, although saying he didn't do them any more, was against criminalization of drugs and viewed them as a positive and enlightening.
“” Shit, man, not only do I think pot should be legalized...I think it should be mandatory.
“”Bush came out and said, "We are losing the war against drugs." You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.
“”I quit smoking. It's very hard, but I'm glad I did. I'll tell you, this war against drugs in the US is the reason I quit because I got too fuckin' sick of being on the wrong side. The war against drugs, which actually is a war against civil rights, don't ever be fooled again. If they cared about us they'd get rid of the number one drug which is cigarettes; kills more people than crack, coke, and heroin combined, times 100. Legal.
“”Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is just energy condensed to a slow vibration; that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively; there is no such thing as death; life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather!
“”I'm glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, "My God! I love everything." Yeah, now if that isn't a hazard to our country … how are we gonna keep building nuclear weapons, you know what I mean? What's gonna happen to the arms industry when we realize that we're all one?!
“”Why is the drug czar in this country—well, let's go back; Why do we have a "drug czar" in this country, A. B, why is he a cop? Why do they put drug users in jail? They're sick, they're not criminals. Sick people don't get better in prison.
“”I took what Terence McKenna refers to as a heroic dose...five dried grams...yeah, my third eye was squeegeed quite cleanly.
Hicks did many jokes revolving around conspiracy theories. His favorite was the John F. Kennedy assassination conspiracy theory which he believed to be true.
“”I love talking Kennedy, I was stationed in Dallas, Texas. You know you can go down there and... the Dealey Plaza where Kennedy was assassinated, and you can actually go to the sixth floor of the school book depository. It's a museum called "The Assassination Museum". I think named after the assassination. I can't be too sure; the chronology here... Anyway, they have the window set up to look exactly like it did on that day, and it's really accurate. You know, cuz Oswald's not in here. Yeah, yeah, so... Paint sticky accuracy, you know. It's true. It's called the sniper (incomprehensible). It's glassed in. It's got the box sitting in here. You can't actually get to the window itself, and the reason they did that? Of course... they didn't want thousands of American tourists getting there each year going... NO FUCKING WAY! I CAN'T EVEN SEE THE ROAD! SHIT THEY'RE LYING TO US!
Such conspiracies, as well as faking his own assassination on stage, were used by Hicks in his routines to illustrate the insidiousness of out-of-control governments who have killed influential people who threaten their interests and encouraged people to think for themselves.
“”Go back to bed, America. Your government has figured out how it all transpired. Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control again. Here. Here's American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up. Go back to bed, America. Here is American Gladiators. Here is 56 channels of it! Watch these pituitary retards bang their fucking skulls together and congratulate you on living in the land of freedom. Here you go, America! You are free to do as we tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!
Bill Hicks was somewhat of a deist (or a pantheist, it's rather unclear what he was) but didn't believe in any religions. He especially liked to mock Christian fundamentalism in the USA.
“”The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love. That's the message we're brought up with, isn't it? Believe or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.
“”This woman from Oklahoma once told me: "You're going to hell, boy!" I was like, "Well, I'm already in Oklahoma ..."
“”Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he's gonna want to see a fucking cross, man? "Ow." Might be why he hasn't shown up yet.
“”These three rednecks met me after the show..."Hey buddy, we're Christians, and we don't like what you said." I said, "Then forgive me." Later, when I was hanging from the tree...
“”The world is like a ride at an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think that it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question - is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us. They say 'Hey! Don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride.' And we... kill those people. Ha ha ha. 'Shut him up! We have a lot invested in this ride. SHUT HIM UP! Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and family. This just has to be real.' It's just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter because: it's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings, and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourselves off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one. Here's what you can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defense each year, and instead spend it feeding, clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, for ever, in peace.