Conservapedia:What is going on at CP?/October 2009

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User: Andy, I think your blog is broken.img JPratt: SILENCE, PEON!img BANHAMM-... No, wait... that actually looked like a valid question..."img


Economics student answers question 6 so badly it's almost funny.img Andy: 8/10.img


Economics student: Competition can be defined as the free market.img Andy: Good new definition.img


Wow! In one of the rarest occasions, Andy cites a liberal blog in the Conservapedia newsimg. Oh, by the way Andy, if you actually looked the charts VERY carefully about the gay marriage, the results show that people are split even (although the support for gay marriage is a TAD higher than opposition).


Andy: The Biblical account cannot be disproved. Let's be clear about that.img Good? Okay, we know that the Deluge happened, and since it's easier to save animals from a flood with God's help than without,img the theory of evolution is false. LATER Andy adds this to his list of evolution counterexamplesimg.


Heads-up, Jpatt: Ann Coulter has already said all this.img


Remember, you're only allowed to whine about something being detrimental to America if Conservapedia disapproves of it.img


Jpatt on violence against women in movies: Conservatives fight for women, liberals exploit them.img Susie Bright on wingnuts who talk like that: "Tell them to send a royalty check to Andrea and ask them what they’ve done lately to empower female sexual authority." [1]


Conservapedia the Candidate-Picker, Part 2: Andy plays upimg the conservative endorsements rolling in for "maverick" Congressional candidate Doug Hoffman, who chickened out of the latest debate campaigns his own way, because he's apparently clueless his own man.


The onlyimg non-sysop editimg to an article that had been unprotected for a mere 9 hours and 16 minutes since its creation more than one year ago leads to another month-long protection.img But what if some pesky non-sysops still want to editimg it? Please do all the work in the talk-talk-talk space, I'll take credit for inserting it into the article.img


A user wants to put up a banner on Conservapedia's mainpageimg so as to "welcome students, readers, editors and the likes." To prevent unnecessary destruction of irony meters they should delay this until after they turn account creation on again.


Conservapedia, June 4: Yippee! Chris Christie's on his way to trouncing his lib-burr-rul opponent!img Conservapedia, October 28: Christie's a dirty RINO and that's why he's getting creamed by said opponent!img


Has the world gone mad? Andy accepts a user's apology.img


OscarJ: A statement that "lycanthropy" is derived from Latin rather than Greek is parody.img


According to Andy's new translation of Luke 2:36, "prophetess" is a "feminist rendition".img Yep, Andy, just like when all those awful feminists made the airlines quit saying "flight attendant" and use the more politically correct "stewardess" instead.


User removesimg some blatant plagiarism that had been surgically altered with engineered MemeShock language.img Jpatt rewards him with a revertimg and block.img


Andy ("Liberals Deny the Power of Ideas")img Schlafly has now got it into his head that whoever spends the most money will win an election.img


RobS: Obama administration criticised over domestic spying program! a report dated: 2007 UPDATE: Removedimg by Karajou after all of 16 hours.


Andy: Inherit the Wind is being palmed off as an accurate historical record.img Perhaps Andy also thinks Shakespeare's Macbeth is an accurate historical record.


Andy, being thoroughly flattened in the Ida debate, tries for a save: The British Museum knew from the startimg that Piltdown Man was a fraud.


A wingnut can't understand Obama's economic policy. Therefore, Jeremiah Wright taught Obama to hate America.img


TerryH rolls up his sleeves.img


Andy: The New Living Translation of the Bible is rarely used.img Uh, right; so rarely used that it's been known to outsell the NIV.


Andy: Those lib-burr-rul professors who translated the NIV appeased pro-choicersimg by removing several references to "unborn child." He of course fails to provide specific verse numbers, due to the claim's likely origin.


Andy explains agnosticism.img Apparently, a fair-minded agnostic is a Christian on Monday, Wednesday, Sunday, and every other Saturday.


Andy: Catholics and Protestants haven't fought in centuriesimg. The Trusworthy Encyclopedia disagreesimg


According to Andy, its been a bad year for the liberal media reporting hoaxes.img Why, yes, Andy, indeed, it has been a bad year for reportingimg hoaxes.


Indeed, Andy, it doesn't get better than this. The prodigal son went out on the piss boozingimg, a thought that Andy's clearly proud of.img With one minor discrepancy What next - the 5,000 being fed on fish fingers and buns?


Andy: the Bible Retranslation Project will help unite Christian denominations.img Yes, unite them into thinking you're completely insane.


To "avoid repetition," Andy favors translating the same Greek word three different ways in the same verse.img


Andy showcases for us his ignorance of mathematics.img Heard of polar coordinates, Andy?


The biased liberal media networks continue their campaign to silence conservative opinion by refusing to participate in a White House press conference unless Fox News is let in as well. Andy, failing to see the irony, puts the story up as a news item.img


"Mom, he punched me.img" "Yeah, but he called me an idiotimg". Will it ever end?


BertSchlossberg, forgetting his writing skills for a moment, posts some word salad about the CBP.img Andy replies: Well put, Bert! Modern translations cannot be left to the modern equivalent of the Pharisees: liberal professors.img


Joseph Farah of WorldNutDaily rips the Conservative Bible Project a new one:img "Basically, those 'conservatives' participating in this idea weren't really upset when liberals messed with the Holy Scriptures. They were upset only with how they messed with them." Andy: WHAAAAA!img HE PLAINLY MISUNDERSTAND US! [sic]


Michigan, with the Democrats and lib-burr-rul union people in charge, is going down the tubes. But North Dakota, a conservative state that's had a solidly Democratic congressional delegation for the last 20 years, is, of course, doing fine.img


The "Ida" disputes continue. User: "Ida" is more a media issue than an evolutionary biology issue. The media overhyped everything, not scientists.img Andy: That proves my point: Evilutionists mislead the public and should refund the taxpayers' money.img UPDATE: User: Try reading the links I gave you.img Andy: Scientists announced the finding of the fossil. Therefore, they were lying.img Oh, and evilutionists never learn about the Most Logical Book Ever, the Bible.


Abortion and breast cancer are linked! And to prove it, Susan G. Komen for the Cure gave some money to Planned Parenthood!img


Another claim of evolution is shown to be false by evolutionists. Therefore, evilutionists should apologizeimg for their hearty skepticism about the claim deceit.


Ed creates yet another stubimg. This time, it's about credit for invention, which Ed says goes unfairly to "the last link in the chain". Presumably he's feeling bitter about lack of recognition for all the worthless stub articles he created and left for others to work into a decent state.


TerryH gives an exhaustive rundown of his lack of Bible scholarship skills:img "I can read ancient Greek almost as quickly as I can run it through Google Translate read modern English. Better yet, I have a pocket-size dictionary of modern Greek three lexicons available to me!"


Ed helpfully deletesimg a news bite with a bad reference — a mere eight days after it went up.img


JPatt can't tell myth from legendimg or one misquotation and one unfulfilled campaign promise from 7 lies


Andy:"The Holy Spirit guides me!"img


According to the beloved leader Andyimg, Conservapedia isn't a dictatorship but the public schools are.


Andy deludes himselfimg that he is competing with serious Bible scholars.


Jpattimg performsimg some,img um,img unusualimg pagemoves.img Among other changes, Rush Limbaugh is now a gay bomb and Ronald Reagan a gay cupid.


User: The theory of relativity has been useful in the past.img Andy: You're clueless. Relativity hasn't done anything useful, because I say so.img Having won this debate, he proceeds to ask, Why should taxpayers be forced to pay for this scientific unproductive work?img UPDATE: HERESY!img Andy's response? La-la-la; I can't hear you!img MORE: Roger makes the mistake of bringing factsimg to a debate with Andy. EVEN MORE: Andy tries to win with a Bible reference.img Roger responds by making Andy into his bitch.img STILL MORE: Andy claims big brother is "ranting"img WHEN WILL IT END? Roger fights backimg, so Andy calls him absurd.img Roger replies yet again.img Will Andy insist on last wordism, or let it slide? AND ON WE GO! Sorry "bro" but this discussion, like relativity, yields nothing productive.img AND THE WINNER IS...ANDY!!!img


Somebody finally calls Andy out on his railing against elites.img MORE: Andy responds by changing the definition of "elite,"img of course failing to note how the Nobel Prize people fall under his new definition (or how he does not).


Andy sez that the Nobel Prize is given by liberals to other liberalsimg. Like that noted icon of liberalism, Henry Kissinger. And flaming leftist Andrei Sakharov. And commie-lover F.W. deKlerk. And Soviet stooge Lech Walesa. And that dangerous radical, Mother Teresa. And (according to numerous conservative "thinkers"), famed Republican Martin Luther King.


Andy fails to see any differenceimg between Norway and Sweden (or between a parliament and an academy of science).


Some people at the NSF are accustomed to browsing smut on the Internet. Andy: This somehow makes the entire foundation deceitful and eager to throw money at evilutionist junk science.img


Andy values logic at work: an article about the private Yale University demonstrates somethingimg about professor values at public universities.


Roger jumps to defend Mommy: Wikipedia says she supported segregation but the book review they cite doesn't say that!img The book review in fact says that she "revolted at the 1960 Republican convention after Richard Nixon supported a civil rights plank ... demanding aggressive action against segregation." (Oh, and Wikipedia fails to mention the completely inconsequential essential fact that the book reviewer is a Jew.)


Andy cleans out "atheistic bias"img from the starlight problem article by removing a quote from a creationist.


Irony meter alert: Kettle Karajou is upsetimg that Wikipedia editors are attempting to remove false information from Wikipedia burn evidence.


Is there a darker side to someone fantasizing about assassinating Rush Limbaugh?img Well, we don't know. Is there a darker side to a bunch of wingnuts fantasizing about the sudden death of a Democratic senator?


Jinx hi Jinx!: Look, master; these large areas that tend to vote Republican have higher volunteer percentages than places that tend to vote Democrat. That proves that conservatives volunteer more than liberals.img Andy: "This is just the kind of substance that makes our site so informative."img But poor Jinx still doesn't get all his rights back.


Eek!img Hollywood is poisoning your kids' minds with a lib-burr-rul commie cartoon! Watch out; they'll be fluoridating the water next!


Andy blows off some more Bible commentaryimg by stating that he wants Conservapedia to be, not a "chat site," but a chat site where he's the only one allowed to chat an encyclopedia.


Andy apparently mistakes a joke for serious news,img which is understandable, since the source seems more credible than most of the others he uses.


Schlafly Statistics revealed in their true colours: A user adds some new reasons why liberals are liberals.img Andy promptly juggles a few percentagesimg so the proportions attached to said reasons do not add up to 120%.


Andy: "Crackpot, this site is not for you."img News to us...


The First Amendment to the United States Constitution: now also applicable in the United Kingdom, apparentlyimg.


"Those lib-rul professors can't stomachimg the fact that Columbus discovered America!" Obviously Andy still thinks that Leif Ericsson was a myth, probably invented by Charles Darwin.


How dare those lib-burr-ruls make a partisan display of anti-democracyimg by objecting to Rush Limbaugh's plans to buy their football team! (It isn't actually about party at all; the newsbite should read, "Surprise, anti-racist union opposes racist owners in a partisan display of anti-democracy.")


Andy illustrates his pedagogical philosophy perfectly by viewing ignorance as a sign of intelligence.img


Andy to Student A:"On question 3, you might give the order of the activities. But never mind, full marks!"img Andy to Student B:"On question 3 you gave the order but you got it wrong. Minus 1!"img


Something straight from the quote generator.img


Economics student: A free market is essential to charity.img There was no charity in Nazi Germany because Hitler was a communist. Andy: EGGSELLENT! Full marks!img


The Bible Corruption Project continues apace. Today's problem: how to translate "disciple". Ah, but of course! "Homeschoolerimg"! UPDATE: Andy: "Homeschooler" wouldn't work.img Make some substantive contributions. Godspeed.


DonaldM: Let there beimg forbidden words Newspeak. JFrasier: Newspeak is goodimg. Andy: Newspeak is doubleplusgoodimg


Andy confirms it: "closed-mindedness" is a synonym for "atheism," and suitable to replace "unbelief" in the Bible.img


Andy shows his delusions of grandeur again: William Tyndale would have finished his Bible translation if only he had had Conservapedia.img

121 Mark: Lightning has struck the creature, master!img Andy: It's alive!img It's ALIVE! Flip the switch! Mark: Yes, master!img Andy:I shall name it... AlFrankensteinBot!img Mark: Our success is greatimg, master! Townsfolk: Ummm... your abomination stitched from the body parts of dead liberals will be easily defeatedimg. UPDATE: The first victim!img


User: Really, you should not twist the Bibleimg Jinxmchue: Sir, let me assume you also hold these unrelated opinions. Ergo, your argument is invalid!img


It was bound to happen. Of all the scathing ridicule of CP in the media of late, Andy takes one exampleimg and puts it on the front page. They're making fun of you Andy. The whole world is. The other kids in elementary school were making fun of you too, and you didn't get it then either, did you?


Daniel1212 tries to insert a little balanceimg into the monologue dialogue on the Adulteress Story. Pope Andy, disliking reading more than a sentence the idea that conservatives disagree with him,img denies it the imprimatur.img


A blogger writes a column urging moderation in the global warming debate. This blogger happens to blog for a newspaper. Conservapedia: LOOK! LOOK! THE LIB-BURR-RUL MEDIA ARE ALL ADMITTING THAT GLOBAL WARMING'S A FRAUD!img


Andy makes a non sequitur statement in regards to Colbert's recent satire on their Conservative Bible Project: Public school kids watch repeats, therefore watching TV and repeats is the life of millions of teenagersimg! UPDATE: Andy thinks that Colbert exploits an audience made up of public school childrenimg. Really Andy, do you think 7-year-olds would watch a TV-14 satirical "news" show?


MarkGall breaks every irony meter from here to Jerusalem: "Careful scholarship is required to reconstruct the text from extant early sources."img


Andy, noting that the phrase unclean spirits "seems archaic," helpfully fine-tunes itimg by replacing it with "the Devil."


Andy: Leaving in "liberal vandalism such as the Adulteress Story" is contrary to all scholarship.img Except, of course, that of insignificant evilutionist hacks like St. Augustine, but let's not quibble here...


Andy, master of the vacuous recursive definition: Conservatism is freedom from liberal bias.img


A climate research center runs out of disk space to store climate data. Conservapedia: They're liars! They aren't out of space at all! The data proves that global warming is a scam and they're burning the evidence!img


Commencing countdown to Conservapedia meltdown over this...3...2...1.... Update: Bam!img But the article on Barack Hussein Obamaimg will ignore the news as long as possible.


Daniel1212 makes a rather titanic effort to convince Andy that he is on the wrong track with the Conservative Bible Project. Andy responds tersely: Current translations are liberal. Case closed. Quit talk, talk, talking and resisting logic. We welcome your concise contributions. Godspeed.img UPDATE: LA-LA-LA-LA-LA; I CAN'T HEAR YOU!img


User suggests some improvementsimg to the Counterexamples to Evolution page. Andy responds: Open your mind and quit nitpicking. Godspeed.img User then rushes toward a block by asking for a substantive response.img


Lib'ruls got your goat? TK knows what to do!img


The Washington Post doesn't know Andy's name. Schlafly jumps on it and declares epic winz!!!img


A brave insertionimg of some reasons why the Conservative Bible Project may not be the best thing to happen since Jesus was warm. Karajou: Yourimg point?img


Our favorite quote hoover Bible scholar, Daniel1212, contributes a nice little word-saladimg to the Conservative Bible Project.


Andy: Replacing "Pharisees" with "liberals"img in the Bible is a good suggestion.img Uh-oh! Quick revert is quick!img


Here is wisdom. Let him that hath few enough marbles to think the Conservative Bible Project in any way credible, count the number of the beast bytes added in this contributionimg to the project.


Breaking news: CNN has been nationalized without anyone knowing about it, as evidenced by its >gasp!< supporting a government proposal.img Conservapedia, obviously, has been privatized since the days of the Bush administration.


Irony meter shatters: To avoid being suckered by television, Conservapedia advises that you should stop watching TV and put your head in the clouds a Bible.img But when Faux News makes an ad that tees off the lib-burr-rul media, there is no trickery at all,img and you should watch it over and over again!


After six months' delay a speedy inquiry, Jinx hi Jinx! gets a shiny new banhammer!img (He still is not trusted enough to edit at night or to upload images, although the latter mistrust might be somewhat justified.)


The Gauntlet has been thrown: Stephen Colbert's The Colbert Report demands that viewers add him to the Conservative Bible. Update: Ask and ye shall receive.img


Oh noes! Lots and lots of Muslims!img Shockingly, large countries have more Muslims than small ones! (Oh, there's still about 600 million more Christians.)


You aint no conservative! No real conservative would use a capital "C"!img


Andy: The Atheists have taken over the NFL!!!img Reality: Try reading the rules of the game (3rd bullet point)...or for that matter even the rest of the article you cited...


TK: "Bit by bit, slowly but surely, I will be increasing my presence back to normal."img And if you strike him down, he shall become MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE!


For extra credit in your homework for Economics Lecture 5, discuss whether or not the Conservative Bible Project is a good thingimg For a lot of extra credit, explain why it's the most significant event in Bible publishing since the invention of movable type Jesus. UPDATE: Teh Assfly has deleted the questionimg and locked the page, declaring the lecture complete.img


Bible translations can not be trustedimg, the Bible has been tampered withimg, the Apostles themselves are unreliableimg. Who can we trust?img Andy: ME Jesusimg. Also, my ten guidelines will henceforth be referred to as Commandmentsimg


Karajou starts a page on the Jesus Seminar, adding that its a radical, liberal organizationimg that (gasp) tried to decide what Jesus did and didn't say. Pot, meet kettle. He then twiceimg removesimg a very helpful 'see also' link.


Andy's Insane Conservative Bible Projectimg worms its way up to the Digg Top Ten! Conservapedia's sudden popularity causes a temporary breakdown. UPDATE: The liberal radio talk show, The Young Turks also talks about CP's project. UPDATE:The Huffington Post and USNews join the party! UPDATE: The New Republic, Harper's Boing Boing and NYDailyNews pick up the story! And many more!


User: I can detect liberal style using a robot!img This way, we'll be able to detect parodists! Andy: BRILLIANT!img UPDATE: User creates mathematical formula for liberalismimg.


Jinx hi Jinx!doesn't want his rights back.img Nope. Not in the least. But he's very sorry. But we knew that already. Andy: Ah, that's alright Jinx. I'm a conservative, and we say forgive and forget!img (That's, forget about giving you your rights back.)


Those nasty Dems play the blame game.img How foolish of them! Everyone knows Chicago lost because of the deceptive Michelle Obama!img


Chicago lost because Michelle Obama LIEDimg User: Well not reallyimg Karajou: Obama communist cronies NAMBLA terrorists murder messiah Jesus Christ!img A classic conservapedian "debate" ensuesimg, which Caribouimg and Andy neatly wrap upimg. Jinxmunx proceeds to declare victoryimg over the banned user and finishes with a nice incest allusionimg.


"The original language of the Bible sucks, old Englishimg sucks, modern English sucks, translation bias sucks." - Andy sure has a... unique way of justifyingimg his "Original language to old English to modern English with translation bias" project.


Ken beautifully illustrates Poe's Law by quoting obvious satire to discuss penguin sexualityimg


"We cannot emphasize enough that Chicago didn't getimg theimg Olympics!img Really- we mean it!img"


As usual, Godwin's Lawimg at work in regards to the evolutionary paradigm on the internet!1!! Note to Ken, come back with a more valid argument without bringing up Hitler.


Conservapedia celebratesimg the Agony Thrill of Defeat for Chicago's bid to host the 2016 Olympic games, which is suddenly an Obama-related failure.


User 1: I believe in gravity!img Andy:I'm not so sure...img User 2:Here's an explanation of why gravity works the way it does!img User 1: Here's another one!img Andy:Math and physics don't actually have anything to do with each otherimg. Everybody knows that God hates math and that he probably doesn't like the number 2 as much as he does 2.01img. Not to mention, I've actually been proven right, scientists just won't admit it because they're all relativity-loving liberals!img


Andy: In the UK, Australia and Canada, freedom of speech does not existimg. UPDATE: RJJ attempts to save the articleimg from absurdity, but Andy decides he's had enough factual insertions and re-insertsimg the "economical" line.


Andy: Vaccine kills!img User: Not according to the people who actually know what they'reimg talking about. Andy: Yeah, ummm...well...Conspiracy!!!img


What's a better way to say "damsel"? When translating the Bible from English to worse English? Bimbo!img