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Fun:Celestial Teapot

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Sexuality
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Reach around the subject
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This is satire but sadly sexual exploitation in religious settings happens, see, Priest molestation scandal, also Raëlism and the Children of God

A Celestial Teapot does indeed orbit the sun and that teapot has extreme Spiritual as well as sexual significance as shown below.

Divine revelation[edit]

The Divine Teapot Owner has revealed the mysteries of the teapot to the Most Exalted High Priestesss, whose sexiness exceeds that of all wearers of purity rings.[1] The exact nature of Her sexual attributes has sadly not been revealed outside the inner circle but readers are free to use their imaginations.

Confirmation[edit]

Her sexiness has been confirmed by any number of male visitors to the Temple of the Celestial Teapot. Many visitors are indeed potty about Her Celestial Highness especially after taking tea (or something stronger) and receiving special secret revelations in the private apartments of the Most Exalted High Priestess.

Requirements[edit]

You, the reader, are required to pay the Divine Teapot Owner a tenth of your income for life, in order to achieve salvation and the chance to take tea (or ..... ) in the private apartments of the Most Exalted High Priestess. [2]

In order to take tea (or ..... ) in the private apartments of the most exalted High Priestesss you must also swear that all other religions, including that of the supposedly holy Invisible Pink Unicorn, the Flying Spaghetti Monster and indeed Christianity, are foul and execrable heresies. The followers of other religions are to be pitied, abominated, or persecuted.[3]

The Divine Teapot Owner is rumoured to permit, encourage require female acolytes of the type he personally finds attractive to take tea or something stronger in his private apartments. [4] His sexual atributes are also unknown outside the inner circle but readers may imagine as they like.

Celestial punishments[edit]

The Divine Teapot Owner and his maidservant the Most Exalted High Priestess are further expert on inflicting suitable punishments onto those who fail to satisfy them sexually or who displease them in other ways or onto those who simply like it that way.

Omnitheism[edit]

Omnitheists believe in the orbiting teapot and the revelations to the High Priestesss.

See also[edit]

External links[edit]

Footnotes[edit]

  1. Well are repressed wearers or purity rings really attractive?
  2. And you must never ever refer to the Most Exalted High Priestess as a temple prostitute!!
  3. The Divine Teapot Owner merely requires that he finds you sexually attractive.
  4. And you must never ever refer to the exalted Divine Teapot Owner as a sexual predator.