Kissing Hank's Ass
| This might be|
|But we're not sure|
“”Why do Christians assume that the parable 'Kissing Hank's Ass' is about them?
|—James Huber, Questions for Bible-Thumpers|
Kissing Hank's Ass is an analogy highlighting the absurdities of blind faith in general and some of the basic tenets of Christianity specifically. The story was written by James Huber and is viewable at his website; a downloadable pamphlet was also available. The story has become quite popular in atheist circles, and of course there are the obligatory adaptations posted to YouTube and similar video services.
The story is about a conversation between two adherents of Hank and a stranger whose door they knocked on. The "Hankites" explain that Hank is a philanthropist who wants to give everyone one million dollars, but as the story unfolds it becomes clear that there are many rather strange conditions attached. Though nobody is allowed to see Hank, anyone who wants the million dollars must figuratively kiss Hank's ass, and must live according to Hank's rules—all without question. The rules are a mixture of common sense, nonsense, contradiction, hate, and pointless, esoteric dietary requirements. Furthermore, people only get the million dollars after they have left town, and Hank's rules forbid people who have left town from communicating with those in town, so people still in town must take everything on trust. People who decline Hank's generous offer will get the shit kicked out of them by Hank, while his loyal followers laugh and enjoy the spectacle.
- James Huber's website
- Story transcript
- Story pamphlet (archived from the original on March 8, 2016)
- In Hebrew
- YouTube videos