Bill O'Reilly

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One of the

Pundits

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And a dirty dozen more
...cleanse the Muslim world ...
—Bill O'Reilly, on taking quotes out of context[1]
Tide goes in; tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can't explain that.
—O'Reilly proving the existence of God[2]

Bill You Can't Explain That "Fuck It, We'll Do It Live!"[3] O'Reilly (also known as "Papa Bear," "Billo," "Bill O'Really," "Billo the Clown," "The Frank Burns of News", or simply "resident jack-ass" when you don't know which nickname to call him by) was a moderately right-wing (relative to Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh) commentator on Fox News where he presented The O’Reilly Factor, before Fox News permanently cut off his microphone by cancelling the show amidst yet another sexual harassment case[4]. He is known to be a fan of Middle Eastern food, particularly falafel (perhaps because of the word's passing resemblance and alliterative relationship to a sex act). He is also notoriously bad at phone sex — more on that later.[5]

In a massive stopped clock moment, O'Reilly has actually dared to go against the family.[6] Never go against the family.

Contents

[edit] Political views

While certainly a proponent of center-right populism, O'Reilly differs from most most of the conservatives he shares a channel with in his claimed support for gun control, acknowledgment of the existence of global warming, support for civil unions and gay adoption, as well as his anti-death penalty views.[7] O'Reilly has also shown support for a limited form of affirmative action, but one based on the applicant's income level and "character" (criminal history, or lack thereof), rather than race.[8] Whilst believing the media to be biased against Donald Trump and exposing the double standards the media employs towards his candidacy, even Bill couldn't stomach Trump harping on about a "rigged" election and begged for him to stop.[9]

O'Reilly also leads (from the rear) his legions into battle every December against the vile secular progressives in the War on Christmas (despite his own sabotage to the cause),[10] in the name of traditional Christianity (by his definition of the term, anyway). In 2012, he justified his pro-Christmas attitude by arguing that Christianity was not a religion.[11]

"Shut up!", "Shut up!", "Shut up!", ad nauseam.[12]

[edit] Andrea Mackris

In October 2004, he was sued by a former Factor producer for sexual harassment. He is reported to have phoned her and advised her to use a vibrator and a "falafel."[13] The multi-million dollar suit was settled out of court. The terms are, of course, confidential, but it is believed that O'Reilly paid multi-millions of dollars to her as "hush" money.[14] It is unknown whether falafels or vibrators changed hands in the transaction.

The settlement occurred one day before audiotapes of the calls would have been reviewed in court. [3] As part of the settlement the tapes were destroyed, but thankfully we have complete transcriptions in the original lawsuit. [4] It's cringeworthy stuff.

[edit] Fun with Bill and Al

An episode of The O'Reilly Factor from May 2013 began with a graphic featuring of a photo of conspiracy wackjob theorist Alex Jones with the words "Hate Speech" next to it. Jones reacted with the amount of dignity you might expect, calling O'Reilly a "coward," "punk" and "rat bastard" on his way to challenging him to a pay-per-view boxing match.[15] Jones then kept on going a day later, referring to O'Reilly as resembling a "giant ferret" and bringing up the aforementioned 2004 sexual harassment incident.[16] No word on the odds that this brouhaha will result in an actual boxing match between the two or something equally comedic.

[edit] Family Values

Bill O'Reilly is divorced, and his ex-wife, Maureen McPhilmy, has accused him in court of abuse.[17] He's also tried to get her excommunicated from the Catholic Church, annul their marriage (despite it producing two children), bought off their "neutral" child therapist, and tried to ruin the career of her new husband.[18]

[edit] Those Who Trespass

In 1998, O'Reilly published his homicidal fantasies wrote a crime novel, Those Who Trespass, about Shannon Michaels, an Irish-American TV journalist who seeks revenge for the loss of his job at Global News Network by systematically murdering everyone he holds responsible. The hit list of this roman à clef includes a woman named Hillary and a portly gentleman named Martin Moore.

Want a better idea of what a lewd phone call from Bill O'Reilly would sound like? Listen to these excerpts from the audiobook.

[edit] Shoo Out the Clown

Amid allegations that O'Reilly had paid almost $13 million in hush money to women he sexually assaulted, Bill O'Reilly was forced out of Fox News (not for the assaults, for the loss of advertising money). [19]

[edit] Quotes about O'Reilly

If you're an act, then what am I?
Stephen Colbert to his guest O'Reilly on The Colbert Report
...his primary characteristic is anger. Bill gets wound up by virtually anything to the left of Mussolini, hectoring and miaowling like a wolf that's got its nuts caught on a coat hanger.
Charlie Brooker on O'Reilly's style[20]
Somebody's got to say it. The man is Ted BaxterWikipedia's W.svg.
El Rushbo, describing O'Reilly in a New York Times interview[21]

[edit] See also

[edit] External links

[edit] References

  1. Zing!
  2. Apparently he considers this a convincing enough argument that he's deployed it several times.
  3. Never live it down.
  4. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/19/business/media/bill-oreilly-fox-news-allegations.html?_r=0
  5. Amann, Joseph & Breuer, Tom. (2006). Sweet Jesus I Hate Bill O'Reilly. New York: Nation Books. Page 49.
  6. Callum Borchers, "Bill O’Reilly is getting uncomfortable with Donald Trump", The Washington Post
  7. "Bill O'Reilly: "No Spin"".
  8. "Bill O'Reilly: Racial preferences in America". 24 April 2014.
  9. "Bill O’Reilly is getting uncomfortable with Donald Trump". The Washington Post.
  10. Bill O'Reilly's own Website Full of Holiday Cheer, Daily Kos
  11. "O’Reilly bashes ‘fascist’ atheist: Christianity not a religion, so Christmas displays are OK".
  12. "Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch's War on Journalism - BRAVE NEW FILMS".
  13. Presumably he meant a loofahWikipedia's W.svg or lafahWikipedia's W.svg (the kind of flatbread falafel is often wrapped in).
  14. Factor Fiction on Youtube.
  15. Alex Jones Fires Back At ‘Coward, Punk, Rat Bastard’ O’Reilly: ‘You Think You’re So Tough?!’ Mediaite
  16. Alex Jones Taunts ‘Giant Ferret’ Bill O’Reilly: ‘No Wonder He Can’t Get Women’, Mediaite
  17. [Gawker.com: archive.is, web.archive.org Gawker: Bill O’Reilly Accused of Domestic Violence in Custody Battle]
  18. [Gawker.com: archive.is, web.archive.org Gawker: Bill O'Reilly's Divorce Is So Ugly, God Got Involved]
  19. http://abcnews.go.com/Business/bill-oreilly-fox-news/story?id=46887583
  20. [1]
  21. [2]
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