Alexandra Sellers

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Alexandra Sellers is a linguist who claims to be able to speak the language of cats.[1] She published her findings in the book Spoken Cat and Relevant Factors in Worldview.[2] According to her, "here is your milk" is "birr pirp r'mow" when translated into cat speak. "Here are a few tidbits," meanwhile, becomes "mRRah mRRah pirp r'mow."[3] You think we're kidding. We are not. It's going to get worse funnier.

She also believes that cats have their own body of myths and folklore. She says that the cats have told her that they came from Canopus (the second brightest star after Sirius)[4][note 1] to educate humanity on cleanliness. In particular, they believe that we should use our excrement as fertilizer, instead of disposing of it in our drinking water.[1]

Here is a story which she claims was told to her by a tabby from New York:

One night when Brau was sleeping, his sister, Agh, stole his testicles. In the morning she said, "Brau, I have found some tasty delicacies." Brau was hungry and ate them up. After his meal, Brau realised he had no testicles left. He laughed and said to Agh, "That is an excellent trick."[1]

She seems genuine in all this (and not a poe), but you can never be sure. Ms. Sellers is the author of numerous romance novels. In her online bio, she writes "Her favourite hobby is foreign languages, of which she has studied eight: French, Farsi, German, Arabic, Hebrew, Greek, Italian, and Latin. Her talent for languages (along with her sense of humor) was also expressed in her book Spoken Cat and Relevant Factors in Worldview, a self-teaching language primer of the Cat language."[5] Make of that what you will.


  1. As Sirius is the dog star, clearly Canopus must be where cats are from!


  1. 1.0 1.1 1.2 Crazy Cat Conversation Lady - Fortean TV.
  2. "The language of Cats is as old as what humans call 'the domestiCation of the Cat' (Cats give it quite a different name)..."
  3. Anthony Campbell. "Spoken Cat: Alexandra Sellers." 2000.
  4. "Canopus (Alpha Carinae)." The Encyclopedia of Science.
  5. Her bio.