ChristWire

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ChristWire.org is a satire of Christian fundamentalism that presents itself as a jaw-dropping compilation of some of the most batshit crazy homophobia, racism, paranoia, and outright fawning over anybody who extolls both right-wing politics and Christian fundamentalism (e.g., George W. Bush, Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, etc.). It successfully scores a lot of Poes.

As of April 2020, the site appears to have been taken down. The content of the site is this message:

ChristWire is reloading. In the year 2016, the unthinkable happened: the reign of Barack Obama I and the potential reign of Hillary Clinton came to a complete halt Through what could only be described as a miracle from the heavens (if you look East when praying), a man first mocked by everyone ascended to lead the country into what was supposed to be a Golden Age of Morality. But alas, things are not going as expected. The world is again in peril. Americans fight over every possible thing, at the behest of divisive radicals who have invested and invaded every nook and cranny of culture. Logic is defied for saving the face of politics. Churches full of decent people think and post memes of reprehenisble nature. Political leaders invoke the very populism and divisive rhetoric that lead humanity to global wars. Science is ridiculed. Decent moral people are mocked. Wild-eyed outliers believe every word that they have been told to disagree with, no matter how logical, is a reason to grab a weapon and protest the advice to wear a mask. In times of such calamity and chaos, helpers must arise. That is where the community of ChristWire has again heard the call to arise.

Yes, it's a parody[edit]

Some fundamentalists may believe in the site's outlandish, biblical wrath-of-God claims, but the site is satire, dancing on the edge of Poe's law well enough to fool people. Alongside the Christian ads, there are many gay-friendly ads, such as the "Get a Room" campaign for a gay weekend in Palm Springs (not to mention the time an author claimed to be writing to Miley Cyrus from his "new robot droid cellar"). Without these tidbits of genuine insanity, one could easily be forgiven for thinking that the content is actual, and it is believed that many of its 27 million plus visitors, including MSNBC newscaster Rachel Maddow, may have thought this.

Outing[edit]

In 2010, The New York Times "outed" ChristWire as a parody.[1] The intention of the authors of the site was to make people think about what they read in newspapers, checking what was and wasn't true rather than blindly accepting it. This is a slightly different motive than most parodists, who do it to discredit the religious right. In fact, the authors claimed to be more conservative in real life than most parodists. True to form and the motive expressed in the New York Times article, ChristWire reacted to the "outing" by claiming the article was devoid of facts and was trying to discredit evangelical Christianity.[2]

Example posts[edit]

  • In 2010, God cleaved an island-sized iceberg off Greenland because they approved civil unions in 1996. (God seems to be preoccupied. It took Him 14 years to notice.)[3]
  • Do church services bore your husband? Does he go to the gym while having no interest in sports? Does he want to use lubricants and sex toys during intercourse with you? Does he like to walk around with his shirt off? Does he watch TV shows and movies that aren't laden with wall-to-wall explosions, fist fights, and machine gun fire? Then HE'S GAY!!!!!!!!!![4][note 1]
  • How to spot a masturbator.[5] (You mean other than open your eyes and look at the nearest teenager or adult?)
  • The Golden Girls was the evil harbinger of gay tolerance.[6] (Really! How can an article that quotes "philosopher[note 2] Ross Douthat" in its first sentence, then blames the moral decay of America on a sitcom about four old ladies, be taken seriously? Maybe we're supposed to take it seriously because they quoted Douthat without mentioning "a chunky Reese Witherspoon.")
  • Mexican swine flu is still a zombie threat because it can lay dormant in the Mexican genome.[7] Brrrrraaaaaiiiiinnnnnzzzzz!!!!! ¡¡¡¡¡Ceeeeerrrrreeeeebbbbbrrrrrooooosssss!!!!!
  • Evil girls are vajazzling[8] and vatooing[9] themselves because they hope to corrupt your poor, innocent, naïve, upstanding Christian son as he heads off to college.[note 3]
  • How women's suffrage destroys society.[10]
  • Obama fails to protect the most vulnerable of all minorities: White Christian Americans![11]
  • Portal 2 is a recruiting tool for the gay community.[12]
  • Obama is infecting Christians with Ebola to destroy Jesus and start a new age of liberal darkness.[13] But you already knew that.

See also[edit]

External links[edit]

Footnotes[edit]

  1. ↑ With this one, they fooled The Huffington Post and numerous other outlets into criticizing the article as a serious work.
  2. ↑ WTF?????????
  3. ↑ News flash, Mom and Dad. Your son probably hopes they corrupt him, too. If not, then ten years from now, your daughter-in-law may feel the need to consult the "Is My Husband Gay" article above.

References[edit]

  1. ↑ NY Times -A Niche of the Unreal in a World of Credulity
  2. ↑ Christwire.org - Satire, Poe’s Law and The New York Times Campaign to Discredit the Evangelical Message of Christwire
  3. ↑ "Massive Ice Chunk Breaks off Greenland Glacier, Gays Responsible for Geography Change", posted 7 August 2010.
  4. ↑ "Is My Husband Gay?", posted 19 August 2010.
  5. ↑ "How to Spot a Masturbator", posted 9 May 2010.
  6. ↑ "The Golden Girls 25th Anniversary Collection Promises a Sickening Display of Humanity’s Bitter End", posted 13 August 2010.
  7. ↑ "Mexican Swine Flu Is Still A Zombie Threat, More Proof", posted 8 August 2010.
  8. ↑ "Vajazzling, The Newest Threat To Your College Son", posted 5 March 2010
  9. ↑ "Vatooing, New Freshmen Female Trap For Upstanding College Men", posted 13 August 2010.
  10. ↑ "19th Amendment: Celebrating 90 Years of Feminism Destroying America, Vote by Vote", posted 18 August 2010.
  11. ↑ "Why Isn’t Barack Obama Protecting White People From Racism & Hate?", posted 4 May 2010.
  12. ↑ Is "Portal 2" Safe for the Christain Family?, posted 23 April 2011.
  13. ↑ "Obama is Infecting Christians with Ebola To Destroy Jesus and Start A New Age of Liberal Darkness", posted August 4, 2014.
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