Fun:Fishing

Fishing is a fun thing to do on the weekend when you are not editing Rationalwiki. It basically consists in piercing a fish by the mouth causing it extreme pain and then asphyxiating it to death or getting it back to water to die of low pressure shock.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Give a man a fishing rod and he’ll bore you for years on end. Give a man a computer and he'll shut himself in his room, and you won't see him for days... and weeks... and months. That's evolution in action for ya!

Catch these

Good species of fish to catch:

• Northern pike and muskellunge
• Bass, whatever size mouth they have
• Trout of several varieties
• Bluegills
• Catfish (isn't that hunting?)
• Alligator gar (ditto)
• The one that smells like fish but tastes like chicken
• Dolphins (aren't fish) | yes they are no they aren't, 'This fish is not related to the marine mammals also known as dolphins (family Delphinidae)'
• Yellow perch
• Walleye
• Squirrel, the aquatic variety
• Crappie
• Salmon
• Striped bass
• Upright bass
• Fontella Bass
• Bottled Bass
• Haddock
• Carp (what, is that gefilte fish gonna make itself?)
• Lobster (if lobsters aren't fish, why do they call it "lobsterfishing"?)
• Crab (ditto)
• Starfish (ditto)
• Shrimp (on second thought)
• Cod
• Sea kittens
• Snapple Snapper
• Sheepshead (what the fuck)
• Redfish
• Bluefish
• Spanish Mackerel
• Mullets (known in the Americas as Goatfish)
• Snook
• Angelfish (they're pretty in an aquarium, and they're delicious out of the frying pan)

For the truly intrepid (and rich):

• Swordfish
• Tarpon (lots of fun but not good for eating)
• Marlin (not to be confused with Mr. Perkins!)
• Bonefish (horny fuckers)
• Permit (despite their name, quite prude)
• Sharks Dammit, Jim, they're not fish! (They are, depends on how you define fish)
• Grouper
• Tuna
• Gullible internet users

Not these

Please don't try to catch this fish.

Bad species of fish to catch:

• Toilet sharks
• Sewer trout
• Loan sharks
• Card sharks (the phrase is card sharps, not sharks)
• Land sharks
• Suckers
• Lamprey eels
• Hagfishes (unless you're really into mucus, in which case I don't want to know about it)
• Chain pickerel
• Electric eels or rays
• Loch Ness Monsters
• Cthulhu
• Tortoises (though there's good eating on those things)
• White whales
• Great blue whales
• Other colored whales
• Lungfish (isn't that bordering on cannibalism?)
• Lily pads and other weedery
• Coney Island whitefish Used condoms
• Old tires
• Old shoes
• Megalodon
• Tuna cans
• Feces
• Scuba divers
• Swimmers
• Life guards
• Salty seamen
• Therian were-dolphins
• Pacific Northwest Arboreal Octopus
• Mermaids
• Mermen
• Aquaman
• Peanut butter and Jellyfish
• Rocks
• Alligators
• Crocodiles
• Alligator gar
• Flying Spaghetti Monsters
• Seabirds
• Manatees
• Octopi Octopusses Octopodes
• Drunken pirates
• Insufficiently drunk pirates
• Hungover pirates
• Pirates in general
• Other people's lines
• Other people
• colds
• Dogs (although casting into the neighbors' yard with a hot dog as bait could be humorous)
• Cats (ditto, but with some chicken as bait)
• Goats, including marine ones
• STDs
• Silverfish
• Michael Fish
• One fish
• Two fish
• Red fish
• Blue fish
• Big fish
• Little fish
• Cardboard box
• The crabs
• Submarines, especially of the boomer genus.
• That fish from the Cat in the Hat
• Arleigh Burke-class guided missile destroyer
• SpongeBob SquarePants
• Tritons
• Undines
• Nymphs
• Sea dragons
• You

The truth

Warning
This section may contain pseudoscience, weasel words, or unverified claims. Proceed with caution.

Fishing is the most boring, soul destroying, mindless, brain numbing, idle diversion known to humanity. Alternatively it is like hunting. It was originally a necessity for feeding the family back home, but has evolved into a means for the male human to avoid the female human, excuse him from any tasks which she might have for him to do over the weekend, allowing him to sit in a boat and drink beer all day instead. Anglers (as the perpetrators of this diversion like to name themselves) often claim to be combating the intelligence of the fish. If an animal with a brain the size of a pea is their best chance of winning, then — so be it!

The real truth

Somebody's just jealous. And hunting is a fun thing to do on teh weekend too. "Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga, except, I get to kill something." - Ron Swanson

Not to be confused with

• Phishing
• Fisting
• Fasting
• Flirty fishing
• Darwin fish
• Darwin Fish
• Babel Fish
• Teaching a man to fish (and thus feeding him for a lifetime)