Noel Edmonds

Crinkley Bottom not pictured.

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Clinically unproven

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Noel Ernest Edmonds (22 December 1948–) is an English funny guy and host of a TV show containing red boxes.

Woo

He believes that it is a "scientific fact" that cancer is caused by "having a negative attitude", but when questioned on TV he did clarify that "positive people can also get cancer" and that "not all cancer is caused by negativity", while also pointing out that he was just asking questions when making a shitstorm on Twitter.

“”@VaunEarl Scientific fact-disease is caused by negative energy. Is it possible your ill health is caused by your negative attitude? #explore

—— Noel Ernest Edmonds (@NoelEdmonds) June 7, 2016

He does himself have prostate cancer, which he believes was caused by stress, and has been treating it with an EMPpad device (magnetic therapy), which will cure him of cancer by reducing his stress levels. At least that is what he thinks will happen.

“”A simple box that slows ageing, reduces pain, lifts depression and stress and tackles cancer . Yep tackles cancer!

—— Noel Ernest Edmonds (@NoelEdmonds) June 7, 2016

He has claimed to be followed around by glowing orbs containing the spirits of his dead parents, which are in no way just artefacts of digital photography.

Orbs are little bundles of positive energy and they think they can move between 500 and 1,000 miles per hour. They look like little round planets, but they come in all shapes and sizes. Conventional photography can't pick them up, but digital cameras can. My belief is that these are something to do with some form of spiritual energy. And possibly because I miss my parents like mad, I like to think they are them. I've got loads of photos of me at home with two orbs that visit me. The two that I have are about the size of melons. One sits on my arm and the other is usually in the back of the shot, sitting just over my right shoulder. They like very happy occasions and positive environments, so if you are a positive person you will undoubtedly have orbs around you.

He has acted as a motivational therapist for cats, providing advice over the telephone to cats (yes, he talks to cats on the telephone).

He is obviously not insane.

Victim

Noel has form for being taken-in by con-artists: in the early 1980s he was scammed out of £70K (over £¼M in today's money) by conman Basil Wainwright, a/k/a Dr Roderick Edward Stone, who later pushed ozone as a cure-all in the USA & Africa..

He has also been involved in a lengthy legal battle with British banks over claims that his business Unique Group was deliberately bankrupted by British bank HBOS (later bought by Lloyds) so they could profit from the insolvency proceedings. He is not the only person to claim this has happened to them, but it indicated his determined or stubborn character that he is still pursuing it.

Politics

In 2009 he made a brief attempt to become a British populist campaigner with the TV show Noel's HQ (2008-2009). Most of it involved Noel doing nice things for members of the public in the style of earlier shows like Surprise Surprise and Edmonds' own Noel's Christmas Presents. However it also included segments in which Edmonds ranted about bureaucracy and whipped up the audience into a frenzy. The show included a notorious spat with Jim Van den Bos, a spokesperson for Wealden district council in East Sussex, England, over the council's refusal to grant planning permission to a disabled veteran - the council said it was prepared to negotiate even though the proposal was against planning rules. In a correspondence with the show, Van den Bos called Noel's program an "entertainment show". Edmonds considered this a grievous insult, and he responded with what TV critic Charlie Brooker described as "an astonishing three-minute down-the-lens rant", resembling 1970s media satire Network. Brooker concluded "before we know it, he'll be carrying out live public executions - death by gunging for bureaucrats - while the audience fires pistols and Cheggers sticks heads on poles." All this is further evidence that he's a well-balanced individual.

His other political beliefs include calling for a complete ban on immigration.

Legally questionable activity

He has resorted to creative methods to get through traffic: he drove a taxicab and then a bus to allow him to use bus lanes that prohibit private cars. This is probably not allowed.

Despite it paying his salary for thirty years, the multi-millionaire has also refused to pay his TV licence, which is compulsory in the UK if you have a television.