Nootropics

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Nootropics are performance enhancing drugs for your mind, maaan. These come in a huge number of varieties, with even more heaps of woo attached. As these are, by definition, drugs, they often have unwanted side-effects. Generally speaking, if a government agency has banned a drug for being unsafe, it's probably unsafe. And if you decide to purchase drugs from an online source, chances are your brain was already messed up before the drugs arrived.

In this case, the woo-susceptible are typically Silicon Valley dot-com workers, desperate to get ahead — or just keep up — at work. In a gold rush the money is in selling shovels, so startups spring up to push this woo on their fellow startup victims.[1]

Proven, albeit likely overhyped[edit]

Overall, proven "nootropics" fall into the categories of "boring, mundane stuff already in widespread use", "medication that only works in extremely esoteric circumstances", and "dangerous stimulants that are banned for good reason".

Over-the-counter options[edit]

  • Caffeine is rather effective at improving mental focus and temporarily relieving drowsiness, but being omnipresent in just about every culture (except Utah), no one really views it as a "miracle drug". That and it's so cheap that there'd be no point directly advertising it to people (not that people don't sell caffeine pills but renamed as something else). It very easily causes a (mild) addiction, but is for the most part safe.
  • Also helpful for mental focus and relaxation, Nicotine. Of course, the side effects are well known, and they aren't pretty. Frequent illnesses, increased risk of cancer and heart disease, reduced fertility, increased risk of birth defects, bad breath, incredibly addictive.

Prescription medicines[edit]

  • Amphetamines have a number of psychiatric uses, especially for things like ADHD. One specific amphetamine, Adderall, is often diverted to college kids to study right before an exam. Of course, as college kids tend to mix everything with booze, this can have some possible side effects. They are often used by professional athletes, especially baseball players, which is why MLB finally banned the stuff without a prescription. Coincidentally, the number of players diagnosed with ADHD skyrocketed.[2] While ADHD is overall greatly underdiagnosed,[3][4] especially in certain populations,[5] the suspicion here is that maybe not all of these athletes really have ADHD, but are just legally being prescribed amphetamines as ergogenicsWikipedia's W.svg (because amphetamine does work). Amphetamines also have great nerd-cred, due to their extensive use by Paul ErdősWikipedia's W.svg.
  • Speaking of amphetamines, DexedrineWikipedia's W.svg is an amphetamine that actually does show some nootropic effects. It's mainly used by the military, where it does show proven results in cognition and memory and basically everything that nootropics are advertised as (though in lesser amounts). It has attracted some controversy, due to it being linked to a disturbingly large number of friendly fire incidents.[6]
  • Modafinil, used to treat certain sleep disorders.[7] As it keeps you awake, it does technically 'enhance performance'. Recently became a banned substance for Olympic athletes.
  • Adrafinil, also used to treat certain sleep disorders... by metabolizing into Modafinil. It was mostly discontinued for standard medical use a result, but continues to be sold by woomongers to give the illusion of choice.
  • Armodafinil, which is the right-hand isomer of racemic Modafinil. It has a half-life of 15 hours. [8] This woo is great for working overtime!


Racetams[edit]

By far the most common class of drugs promoted as nootropics are the racetam class of drugs. These have very limited effects, but often get far overhyped for what studies show they actually do.

  • Piracetam, the original racetam. In use in Europe, but even the FDA won't allow them to be marketed as a "dietary supplement". Studies show it improves cognitive improvement for people suffering from cognitive decline (e.g., Alzheimer's).[9] Healthy people experience little to no benefit, so if your doctor doesn't prescribe it, don't bother.
  • Nefiracetam. Also helps people suffering from cognitive decline. Has been shown to reduce the amnesia affects of other memory impairing drugs (e.g., alcohol). It appears to possibly be safe for humans (but definitely not for many other mammals such as dogs), so you might want to wait for FDA approval.

Illicit drugs[edit]

  • Methamphetamine, like the other amphetamines, is incredibly great at improving mental focus. Along with anabolic steroids, it was originally developed by the Nazis for their soldiers and given the nickname "tank chocolate", after which both were stolen to create Captain America it eventually made its way on to the street due to a quick high. However, it's one of the most addictive and physically damaging drugs available.
  • Speaking of Meth, CaptagonWikipedia's W.svg suppresses emotions and improves focus (by metabolizing in the body to amphetamine), making it popular among terrorists to prevent anyone from growing a conscience while murdering innocent civilians.[10]. Because apparently we needed performance enhancing drugs for terrorists.
  • Cocaine. Is a helluva drug. One of the most potent stimulants on the (black) market, which technically makes it a nootropic for when you need to be, umm, stimulated, it's also one of the more fun dangerous ones.

Unproven/Bullshit[edit]

Vitamins and nutrients[edit]

These are things that are often necessary for good health, but beyond "prevent brain damage due to malnutrition" do not make you smarter.

  • B Vitamins. Useful if you have a vitamin deficiency, or cyanide poisoning, but generally a waste of money.[11]
  • Omega-3 fatty acids. Fish oil being the most common one, but others exist. It is an essential nutrient, and the myelin in your nerve cells is made up of a large amount of this, leading to the exaggeration that this is "brain food". A number of vegetable oils have more than enough and in good enough ratios[note 1] (soy, canola, but not olive, coconut or peanut), so as long as your diet is balanced you'll be fine. If you really must get your fix, stick to linseed/flax oil and take a teaspoon of that a day, rather than shelling out the cash for overpriced fish oils.
  • Creatine. Used by body-builders and other athletes as it supposedly provides energy for your muscles, but it has seen some "use" as a nootropic. Unless you are vegan, you really don't need any.

Dietary Supplements[edit]

  • Ginkgo Biloba. Yet another supposed use for this wonder herb. May possibly help with memory and cognitive function in middle aged (but not young) people, but for the most part not significantly better than placebo. Causes cancer in rats and mice.[12]

In a nutshell[edit]

If this stuff worked and was safe, it would be mandatory. Governments have already added various chemicals to processed food such as sodium iodide to salt and niacin to bread, which actually has massively increased the average intelligence (and health) of the public.[note 2]

In popular culture[edit]

  • The movie Limitless (and the book it was based on, The Dark Fields) revolve around a writer acquiring super-smart pills, and a shadowy group of people murdering each other over the limited supply. Why the people using the drugs couldn't use any of their super-smarts to mass manufacture the pills is a bit of a mystery, but that'd solve the plot in 5 minutes and we can't have that.
  • Flowers for AlgernonWikipedia's W.svg is a science fiction novel about what is basically nootropics, but in surgery form. Notably the story is more about the social effects and viewpoint of a mentally disabled person becoming a genius (and back again), rather than a promotion of the surgery.
  • BoJack HorsemanWikipedia's W.svg featured an episode in the first season where the main character (and friends) take nootropics to try and finish a memoir in one night. The result was a manuscript that was made up of new 9/11 conspiracies and embedded youtube videos of cats (which given the BoJack Horseman universe where all animals (including the food!) are anthropomorphic humanoids, proooobably meant pron), as well as a rather horrific trip.

Notes[edit]

  1. Omega-3 and Omega-6 fatty acids compete for the same metabolic enzymes, so even if you get enough Omega 3 you can still have malnutrition if you have too much Omega 6. The ideal is to have a ratio of less than 4 to 1 of Omega-6 to Omega-3. Canola, with a ratio of 2 to 1 is the best widely available cooking oil, though flax seed oil has a ratio of 1 to 4 (more '3 than '6) has the most of any food oil. Yes, there is a grain of truth behind the mountains of woo about flax oil. Unfortunately, flax seed oil burns at too low a temperature to cook with and has the tendency to go rancid very quickly.
  2. Unless, of course, you are one of those people who insist that the government is already drugging us collectively, maan!

References[edit]