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Fun:Dragon

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Necker cube.svg Tired of laughing? RationalWiki has a slightly more serious article about Dragon.

The Western dragon, Draco occidentalis[notes 1], is according to the Paterson guide of supernatural entities a type of creature evolved from reptiles, likely dinosaurs, that because of the sheer differences with the latter and especially reptiles has deserved to be in a class of their own[notes 2]

General characteristics[edit]

Dragons typically have six limbs: four legs and two wings[notes 3]. That said, even ignoring the existence of a few species that lack wings and/or even breath, they have a very wide range of sizes, breath types (from the classical fire to an electric discharge or a cloud of acid, and of course weird things as light and feathers or even chains), and especially aspect -only dogs can compare to them in variety, even if course no dog races can be as small as a cat or so big as an aircraft carrier or even a city-. Most interesting is how they're able to copulate with everything, especially with humanoid races, even if draconic hybrids are rare and tend to be sterile themselves.

Most notably, dragons are often compared -much to their dismay- to pigs since everything that comes from them, down to their crap, has uses. This along a very usual desire to hoard shiny things, often producing massive hoards that would often put to shame the ones of richies as Scrooge McDuck, have caused their populations to drop sharply with time, putting them squarely into the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species or worse -some species are known to have become extinct-.

Why dragons are seldom seen despite their humongous sizes?. Because in order to defend themselves of being hunted to extinction they've developed excellent invisibility spells that not even the finest sensors or even radar can penetrate ensuring that those damned adventurers in search for monies and/or eXperience Points will now not be able to hunt them[notes 4]

Dragons hate with passion Gary Gygax, since after he published his histories about battling dragons, ways to do that, how are their hoards, etc., kills screamed upwards as now everyone and not just the prince of the kingdom, the only one who could afford the required gear to kill a dragon could take a dragon in theory (if the one(s) who challenged a dragon survived or not was another history, at least until the arms race gave adventurers as stated above far better toys)

Dragon species[edit]

Since, as commented above, the variety of dragons is so vast here we'll talk about those most commonly killed for treasure and XP known:

Gold dragons were originally noble and wise creatures, that as time passed however changed quite a bit. Now most of them support the Gold standard and not only have even embraced laissez-faire, free market, capitalism but also some go to the extreme and defend anarchocapitalism or worse.

Green dragons live in forests and of course they've suffered a lot because of their destruction of their habitat. That deppresed them so much that they've gone to the extremes of going hippies embracing to smoke marihuana as well as supporting enviromentalist groups. They're harmless and friendly until they begin with hard drugs. WARNING: do not bring them a climate change denier or an Anti-environmentalist, or those two will have trouble (trouble in the sense of being reduced to an skeleton with all the flesh devoured by acid courtesy of their breath weapon).

Red dragons are among the most dangerous species of dragons, since while some of them are plain objectivists that defend the same kind of capitalism of golden dragons (of course with them at the top), others are quite the opposite[notes 5]. This has brought a searing hot death to many unfortunate adventurers who confounded one of the first type with one of the second one and vice-versa and attempted to become friends of them. Fundies hate them with passion -just read the Book of Revelation-, and some of them are known to be supporters of Cheeto Man (why is anyone's guess). NOTE: If you find a slack red wyrm[notes 6] sleeping in the most unexpected place you should be safe, as long as you do not mess with him.

Copper dragons are a race of dragons now almost extinct, as some idiots thought "copper" meant they were made of said metal and decided to hunt down them for easy money (remember again how firearms and the late Gary Gygax have made times very hard for dragons, and how appreciated is copper). Things look quite grim for them, and some think blue dragons (see just below) are behind that grim fate.

Blue dragons, after leaving their original habitats in the deserts (thank the countless conflicts in Middle East, oil extraction there that has ruined their lairs, and probably climate change too) have found a new lease of life in this civilization where electricity is so essential, acting as basically living power generators... for a high price, that is (yet another thing to thank Dubya or DAESH for), explaining why electricity is so expensive in some countries and laws that penalize to give the electric grid excess energy generated by private solar panels are often in place (just ask Spain)[notes 7]. Their political affiliation varies according to the country: some are (either in the US or European sense) liberals and others conservatives.

Silver dragons, after having suffered a lot due to climate change affecting their lairs (high mountains and so), have merged with the human population taking advantage of the anonymity offered in theory by Internet and are known to spend most of their time on Wikipedia and similar wikis in a sort of edit wars against white dragons (see next), while attempting from the inside to change for the better human society especially in what refers to climate change. Some of them are rumored to have allied with green dragons with that end.

White dragons have suffered in full force the effects of climate change. Not only it has ruined most of their lairs, in either high mountains or in artic regions, forcing them to move close to humans, but also they've gone batshit nuts thanks to that (being the less intelligent of all dragons also helped). They now spend most of their time as Internet trolls and you can find them hanging on forums about conspiracies and all that jazz, as well as trolling elsewhere -including wikis-, not giving a fuck about silver dragons' effort to counter them. Conservapedia is thought to have (had?) as editors some of them, while others are also supporters of Donald TinyHands Trump and for the gods only know why a few have become Fundies[notes 8].

GodzillaPlutonium dragons are a species of dragon documented since the world went nucularnuclear. They're nasty because their extreme radioactivity ensures no one will dare to approach them (and that if someone manages to slay them, their hoard is so radioactive that is useless). However, said radioactivity ensures that unlike most other draconic species that grow over time they become smaller and less powerful as they age.

Heraldic dragons These creatures are friendly and gainfully employed, decorating coats of arms.[notes 9]

Place in creation science[edit]

Dragons provide one of the greatest challenges to the evolutionist worldview. Their ability to breathe fire has been identified by creation scientists as being irrreducibly complex. Prominent creation scientists Kent Hovind and Duane Gish have established that many of the fossils referred to as "dinosaurs" by secularist paleontologists are actually those of dragons, even identifying areas in the skulls of the fossils that were likely used as chemical mixing-chambers for the fuel for draconic fire-breathing.

A pair of important caveats[edit]

Never, ever, make a pact with a dragon. Oh, and do not mess with them. You are crunchy and good with ketchup or any other tasty sauce.

Notes[edit]

  1. This article deals with the one-headed, six-limbed species. For certain multi-headed one, go here and for wyverns and the like, and especially American winged serpents and oriental dragons go look elsewhere
  2. That some of them present feathers as well as even mammalian traits complicate things
  3. Multi-winged species are also known
  4. And because one thing was when, magic aside, the most advanced toy adventurers could bear against them was a +5 vorpal dragon slayer broadsword and other far more different now when they can bring missiles, artillery, and other stuff that can kill dragons outside their breath's range
  5. Those love Stalin and it's easy to see why
  6. The second oldest and most powerful type of dragon next only to the Great Wyrm. A very rough fight unless you've the aforementioned toys
  7. It's even rumored that some blue dragons are actually the CEOs of (at least) Spanish electric utility companies
  8. That "white dragons" is in black, not in white, is not just because the background is white. They think that cannot be detected that way
  9. As you can see here.