Fun:New York

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This little light of mine.

New York, dubbed the "Empire State,"[1] extends from the Atlantic coast of the United States at the mouth of the Hudson River[2] an infinite distance to the west and north.

Contents

[edit] Living in an upstate world

The Bills are fucking terrible, and their terrible-ness is supposedly exacerbated by life IN Buffalo, which has all the warmth and prosperity of an Antarctic whaling outpost.
—Drew Magary

It is home to the eponymous (and largest city in the USA) New Amsterdam York City, whereof it is said "if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere."

The second largest city in the state is Buffalo, which is apparently the source of all wings in the US. Buffalo is also the home of the "Buffalo Dialect", which is the "Standard" accent for the US. There’s no hope for Buffalo in its current manifestation. (It burned down once already.) Have you seen the infrastructure on Google Maps? It’s Dark City.

The rest of it is just called "upstate" New York; everyone there refers to NYC/Long Island as "downstate". The "Southern Tier" of NY is actually north of anywhere within commuting distance of NYC, which confuses people. Contained in the "Southern Tier" is Elmira, which during the Civil War had the worst death camp the US has ever seen absolutely nothing happened there.

Upstate is a very, very strange place. Culturally, it's a combination of New England, Appalachia, and Canada. So... Vermont, which Upstate wishes it had joined when it had the chance. The American side (the part no one ever visits) of Niagara Falls is located here, as is the Erie Canal. It has an Ivy League school in Ithaca (Cornell), which is technically in Appalachia. Also that means New York is the only state with two Ivy League schools; up yours, massholes!

Also, Appalachia is where all Trump voters are spawned. They spring from the mining shafts fully formed, like the Uruk-hai.

[edit] Gotham

New York has a century-long history of crony politics. Though Tammany HallWikipedia's W.svg no longer exists (the party made the mistake of snubbing Eleanor Roosevelt's son), New York City remains a temple of corruption. Albany, which lies up the aforementioned Hudson River[3], is named after Scotland. It is an abyss from which no tax dollars can escape. The massive amounts of corruption in Albany is practically a source of pride in the region. There are about 5 competing garbage companies for some reason. The largest local drunk tank university had half of its dorms built in a neighboring city specifically to rig the electorate with Democratic voters, which might've worked if young people actually voted.

Speaking of the university, Harvey Milk went there, so his face is plastered everywhere.

[edit] New York in stuff

  • New York Cheesecake
  • New York pizza, in many ways the polar opposite of Chicago pizza
  • New York Mets, although that's the city, not the state
  • New York (again, the city) was the site of two out of four of the "9/11", a/k/a "11/9" terrorist jetliner crashes.
  • The New York Giants are going to beat the Beantown boys! Twice! People the world over still don't care.[4]

[edit] New Yorkers in stuff

[edit] See also

[edit] Footnotes

  1. In New Yoooork, concrete jungle where dreams are made of, there's nothing you can't do...
  2. Which, strangely enough, does not connect to Hudson Bay.
  3. With a paddle, it must be noted!
  4. This is true - the not caring bit at least. But what do they know? People the world over are also irrational and probably all Commies.


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