Fun:Wisconsin

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Secret illuminati symbolism, revealing the power held over Wisconsin by the notorious CCCP.[1]

Wisconsin is a state in the midwestern United States. It was admitted to the United States in 1848.

Their motto, much in the vein of Ken Kesey's Merry Pranksters "Furthur," is "Furward."

Among its progressive reforms, Wisconsin was the first state to adopt the direct primary election and the income tax.

Since 1896, it has gone Republican sixteen times (latest being Donald Trump), Democratic thirteen times, and Progressive once (when Wisconsin governor Robert "Fighting Bob" M. La Follette, Sr.Wikipedia's W.svg ran for president). Otherwise, Wisconsin is very much a "swing" state, due largely to urban-rural tensions (namely, Madison and Milwaukee vs. everywhere else, with the exception of a few counties in the west and north that have a strong labor union presence). This is pretty much par for the course for the Midwest.

History[edit]

Admitted to the Union in 1848, Wisconsin was the original destination and home for many of the Social democratic refugees from the European Revolutions of 1848Wikipedia's W.svg.[2] However with the discovery of gold in California the following year many of the social democratic 48ersWikipedia's W.svg overnite became greedy money grubbing capitalists and fled West as 49ers. Thus was the beginning of the Green Bay-San Francisco rivalry.

Both the Republican Party, and the modern Progressive movement were founded in Wisconsin. The Progressive Party originated as a reform spinoff from the Republican party. Wisconsin likewise for many decades was the only state to elect an openly Socialist member of Congress[3] and mayors of a major metropolitan city.[4] The notorious Kohler StrikesWikipedia's W.svg are viewed as "landmarks in the history of both business and labor in the United States."[5]

The South of the North![edit]

Wisconsin is a schizophrenic state politically. This is the state which spawned Joe McCarthy and Bob La Follette. In the past four years they elected Obama (twice), Walker (twice, ffs), a Tea Partier for Governor, and a gay democrat for Senator (Tammy Baldwin).

Wisconsin is home to possibly one of the most liberal cities in the midwest, Madison. A state capitol and university town, this rather small city was the original home of The Onion, America's best possible News-source. The ProgressiveWikipedia's W.svg, a rival to the The Nation and the New RepublicWikipedia's W.svg, has been continuously published there since 1909. It is home of University of Wisconsin-Madison, a university rather despised by Conservapedia for a while, most likely for the wholehearted support that professor values and liberalism enjoy there. Also, UW is a great university to get drunk at, apparently.[6]

Ironically, today's Wisconsin is also the prototype for blue states going red. It has the fastest-decline in union membership of all 50 states.

Trump Didn't Start the Fire[edit]

The Koch Bros Scott Walker won the 2010 gubernatorial race. Then he won a recall election, and then re-election.

All of the signatures from the recall petitions indicated an easy win for Democratic challenger Tom Barrett. As the election drew nearer, the anti-union sentiment swept the state like an electric current. Walker masterfully played the public sector unions against the private ones. (And the recall made the Democrats look like whiny babies.) On election Day, many of those that signed the recall petition (even those who were union members) either did not vote or actually voted for Scott Walker. By the time Walker's re-election rolled around, the GOP solidified its control via gerrymandering an entire state-wide election.[7]

All of the polls indicated an easy win for Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton. So it goes.

It's worth noting that, not only did the Republicans carry Wisconsin for the first time in decades, Trump lost the WI primary...to Ted Cruz. Former state GOP Chairman and sitting national Chairman Reince Preibus was rewarded for delivering Wisconsin with the position of White House Chief of Staff. Baldwin is the last statewide Democrat, and she's on life support already.

Everything that happened to Wisconsin in '08 will happen writ large on the national stage: The Dems' largest financial backers were unions, the Reps are funded by even bigger corporate financiers, and isn't business protected now that financial backing is considered freedom of speech? 🤔

Economy[edit]

In 2011 the state surpassed California with the most head of dairy cattle,[8] making Wisconsin the nations largest producer of bovine flatulence[9] and contributor of the dangerous[10] and deadly methane greenhouse gas.

A major point of contention in international trade talks has been refusal of the European Union to allow imports of Wisconsin's dairy products[11] due to widespread use of bovine growth hormone. BGH allegedly produces early breast development in pre-pubescent girls.[12]

Although the state is legendary in beer production[13] it also ranks 5th in per capita beer consumption.[14] A 2016 study found 12 of the nations 20 drunkest cities are in Wisconsin.[15] There are 2.7 more liquor licences than grocery or convenience stores, more than any other state.[16][17][18]

Education[edit]

Wisconsin has ranked first, second or third every year since 1994 with the highest ACT scores in the nation.

Notable cheeseheads[edit]

It's the cheese!
  • Orson Welles of War of the Worlds fame.
  • Joseph McCarthy, paranoid one world conspiracy theorist who accused innocent people of being KGB agents and communists and thought the international bankers ran the world. [19]
  • Harry Dexter WhiteWikipedia's W.svg, KGB agent, communist, Bretton Woods and IMF architect which structured the international banking system and happened to teach college in same hick town Joseph McCarthy is from.[20]
  • Harry HoudiniWikipedia's W.svg, Appleton Wisconsin's favorite son, cause the other two, Joe McCarthy and Harry Dexter White didn't fare so well.
  • Bernardine DohrnWikipedia's W.svg, anti-war activist and co-mentored Obama's political career.
  • Melvin LairdWikipedia's W.svg, Nixon Defense Secretary during the Vietnam war; Hillary Clinton's first boss as a DC intern.
  • David ClarkeWikipedia's W.svg, Milwaukee County Sheriff. Clarke, an African American holds the elected office in what the Huffington Post rates as the "worst city for American Blacks."[21]
  • Douglas MacArthur, Commander of the Pacific, accepted Japanese surrender at the end of World War II
  • Mildred HarnackWikipedia's W.svg, beheaded on Adolf Hitler's personal orders; only known buriel site of a member of the Red OrchestraWikipedia's W.svg
  • Golda Meir (born Minsk, Belarus), refugee and schoolteacher, Prime Minister of Israel
  • Gen. Billy Mitchell, father of US Airforce; courtmartialed for speaking out on the superiority of air power over naval power
  • Terry Ann Muessen, co-host of the 700 Club
  • Gaylord NelsonWikipedia's W.svg, founder of Earth Day
  • William Rehnquist, Chief Justice United States Supreme Court
  • Paul Ryan, Speaker of the House
  • Judge Dredd, oops, David Clarke, the psycho hillbilly Sheriff from Milwaukee. Some of his "Medals" make no sense.[22]
  • Georgia O'Keefe, artist
  • Liberace, concert pianist and drag queen
  • Les Paul, invented the electric guitar
  • Frank Lloyd Wright, architect
  • Carl Schurz, statesman, writer, and diplomat; Schurz wife brought the German institution of Kindergarten, or child-care, to America.
  • Thorsten VeblenWikipedia's W.svg, Progressive author of Theory of the Leisure Class
  • Governor Scott Walker (not by birth)
  • Reince Priebus, former RNC chairman, Trump White House Chief of Staff as of 2017
  • Donna Shalala, Bill Clinton Secretary of Health and Human Services
  • Tommy Thompson, George W. Bush Secretary of Health and Human Services

Famous Wisconsin Firsts[edit]

  • First Republican party caucus to adopt an anti-slavery platform, 1854.
  • First state to adopt direct primary election, 1905.
  • First state to adopt income tax, 1911.
  • First state to adopt collective bargaining for public employees, 1959.
  • First state to "end welfare as we know it", 1993.
  • First state to abolish collective bargaining for public employees, 2012.

Nicknames, manufactures and exports[edit]

  • Wisconsinites are often cruelly referred to as "cheeseheads,"[23] due to the major dairy production there. The fact that fans of the Green Bay Packers will wear foam cheese on their heads only fuels this more.
  • Harley Davidson. Get the fuck out of the way.
  • Miller Brewery and bunch of others. Although Wisconsin historically ranks in the top 2 states in SAT scores[24] & graduation rates, it also historically ranks in the top 2 states in per capita alcohol consumption[25], proving there is no link between education or lack thereof and alcoholism.[26]
  • Badger - see state motto, above. Despite this, badgers are not native to Wisconsin and few, if any, ever lived there. Badger is a nickname given to early miners who left "badger holes" in the ground.
  • Michels Pipeline Construction has been awarded a contract for the controversial Keystone XL pipeline;[27] other large scale equipment manufacturers such as Bucyrus-Erie and Manitowoc Cranes stand to benefit as well (assuming Caterpillar hasn't run the former straight into the ground by then).
  • Wisconsin has long been a major exporter of ginseng to China and South Korea, which (god only knows)[28] is re-packaged and re-imported to the United States and sold as Chinese and Korean Ginseng.

Footnotes[edit]

  1. CCCP meaning Cow-, Cheese- and Corn Producers.
  2. See Wikipedia article Forty-EightersWikipedia's W.svg
  3. Victor BergerWikipedia's W.svg; Mother Jones magazine attributes the phrase, "drain the swamp" to Berger.
  4. Frank ZeidlerWikipedia's W.svg, et al.
  5. According to Wikipedia.
  6. Some say second only to UW-Lacrosse. 5 of the top 20 schools nationwide with arrests for drug and alcohol offenses are in the UW system.
  7. It doesn't matter what nobs says in protest to this, because he keeps his cellphone in a quick-draw leather holster on his belt.
  8. Wisconsin's 3rd Congressional District has more dairy cows than people, many of which are still not registered to vote.
  9. EPA Issues “Fart Chart”: Bovine Flatulence Measured State-by-State, 1 May 2014, by jonathanturley
  10. Cow farts blow up barn.
  11. while Danish hams and French brie are freely available.
  12. The Falling Age of Puberty in U.S. Girls: What We Know, What We Need To Know by Sandra Steingraber, Ph.D.
  13. as measured by the beer industry’s economic effect on GDP, Wisconsin is now ranked third.[1]
  14. http://www.jsonline.com/business/wisconsin-ranked-no-5-in-beer-consumption-b9946369z1-213983791.html
  15. https://www.milwaukeemag.com/2016/05/17/most-of-americas-drunkest-cities-are-in-wisconsin/
  16. https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/govbeat/wp/2014/06/03/bars-vs-grocery-stores-mapping-americas-beer-belly/?utm_term=.ff9b6f36a6c1
  17. Fact-checking Lewis Black’s “Drinking in Wisconsin” rant, Matt Wild, Milwaukee Record, September 27, 2016
  18. Do you think Wisconsin has a drinking problem?, Readers respond to major exposé, Wasted in Wisconsin, 10/23/2008
  19. Joseph McCarthy: Biography, Appleton Public Library.
  20. The Battle of Bretton Woods: John Maynard Keynes, Harry Dexter White, and the Making of a New World Order, Benn Steil, Princeton University Press, 2013, p. 21. [2]
  21. http://247wallst.com/special-report/2015/10/06/the-worst-cities-for-black-americans/5/
  22. Because it's not a uniform, he turned it into a costume.
  23. a term originating among Illinoisyians, which cheeseheads ruefully refer to as "flatlanders".
  24. http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/states/USCHARTsat.html
  25. http://www.politifact.com/wisconsin/statements/2012/nov/21/health-first-wisconsin/health-first-wisconsin-says-wisconsin-stands-alone/
  26. Indeed, studies from both the U.S. and other countries have found a correlation between increasing levels of education and higher levels of alcohol consumption. First of all, better educated people tend to earn more money and have more to spend on luxuries such as alcohol. Secondly, affluent people may consume significant amounts of alcohol on a weekly or monthly aggregate basis, but this is often ignored in the public imagination because it occurs in a socially more acceptable way than getting roaring drunk on moonshine, e.g. though drinking wine with meals or at receptions, cocktails with business associates, aperitifs, a brandy or cognac with the after dinner coffee etc.
  27. Michels Wins First Contract for the Keystone XL Pipeline, Pipeline and Gas Journal, December 2010.
  28. See mislabeling of the Ginseng Board of Wisconsin seal and lack of monitoring by the GBW, Status of the Wisconsin Ginseng Industry , Lan Cheng and Paul D. Mitchell, Department of Agricultural and Applied Economics, University of Wisconsin‐Madison, 2006; also Taiwan Market Development Reports: Ginseng 2006, USDA Foreign Agricultural Service.